Page 85 - ThePhoenix1984-85

It all started about two rhinqs' the way they used to, weeks ago, when Jean KiI- we couldn't use them. It bourne spoke about the por- would cost too much to make trayal of women in them the old way. PLUS, Ihe advertisinq.. in McDaniel new way would become old Lounge. Suddenly, in the mid- eventually, therefore perpe die of her lecture she uttered, tuating unusable trash. ~e:~!h~~ h~~i ~r ~o:~;e~ Then there's: 'Go fly a kite.' answer that. Like the rest of (Ben Franklin's claim to fame). the people, I couldn't. If Dr. What about 'Go fly your fly' or Kilbourne had had a fever of 'Go fly your caeseoarnelon?' 110, then it would, have been There's also: 'I thought I was her that was hot. Since she gonna die.' Why doesn't any- looked pretty chipper to me, it one ever say 'I thought I was could only have been the gonna live?' It's a super Idea and n's alright. It needs They shouldn't play room itself that was stuffy. The next time you hear 'Are The point I am trying to you for REAL?' Just answer, Is a positive step a little work and a the same tape three make is that there are several ~~~un~~ li~~" O~~~s~m:~: toward getting little more variety. It times a day. But it's ~~~chh~~o~~e~:fl~l~r~~ne~~I~ says, for the hundredth time, funds for a radio has a possibility of a good idea. eliminated from our language 'I'm just kidding,'pull out a station. becoming. a good Variants of the above gem gun and say, 'The joke's on include the always popular h~~~r'.,d~~~g~a;:n~. sense of radio station. Englar cry "Is this food dis- Add to this the all time Margaret Miller Bryan Geer John Lambeth gusting, o~.is it me?" ~nd that biggie: 'Go ahead. Make my -.Jonathan Slad' _ recent po.lltlcal barb, Is ~e~- day' and you have an idea of ga~"pre~ldent again, or ~sit the madness overtaking Ihe "I'm going to kill that car" me. (It s you .-- Reaga s world. Children will say to mothers 'Go ahead NOT really president.) their Here's one rnv father has Make my bed."Wives will say Automobiles drive me crazy. country road. I had learned to college, therefore, was via repeated every year for four to their husbands, 'Go ahead. No, I don't mean that the that if I got the car to a hill, I ten-speed, and. I pedaled years: 'I expect good grades Ma~e me an omlette.' At this sensuous curve of a Corvette could drift start it again. But away Jny meager breakfast on from you.' As compared to rate witt we ever stop?! or the spit-and-polish glimmer alas, I was in the middle of a six mile biking frenzy to what? Good back rubs, good Finally, I would like to share of a Cadillac sends a tingle of the only plain in Carroll school. I arrived five minutes shock absorbers, or, better with you the blandest of the excitement throughout my County and the nearest 'de- late for the test, looking like I yet, good martinis. Does he bland; a short dialogue which body; I am instead implying cline' was a quarter a mile belonged in a sweaty Coca really expect bad grades from incorporales the powerful that cars will be the ultimate away. Cola commercial, covered me? cliches we use every day. cause of my insanity. No- I found, however, that I with mud and melted snow. My least favorite cliche: 'Is 'Going.' (done slmulta- where am I as inept as the could push the 01' clunker The professor tossed me a this a good idea or is this a neously with a quick. head operation and maintenance at quite a distance if the road disconcerting glance as I GOOD IDEA?' First of all, if nod). a motor vehicle, with the pos- was smooth and straight. So I dripped on the answer sheet you have an idea, that is a 'Hey! What's happening?!' sible exception of my inability pushed, straining against the that he handed me, and the pretty good trick. But no idea (there is no known reply for to fold, underwear and place it rear bumber, the steering entire hour all I could think of is so good that it deserves this). in my bureau. And the car wheel locked so that the front was how good that Mustang such needless repetition. Un- 'How're you?' that I drive takes constant end faced directly ahead. would look with a sledge limited use of this redundant 'Oh, fine.' advantage of my unmatched hammer between its head- ditty has led to the ridiculous. 'The folks?' mechanical ignorance. About fifteen minutes inlo lights. In the top two are 'Is this a 'They're fine.' my struggle, an elderly keg party or is this a KEG 'School?' Last fall while I was being women in a weather-bealen EI The battery, though, was initiated into the whirlwind of Camino zipped over the hori- eventually replaced, but not PARTY?' and 'Is this a 'Just fine.' college, my 1974 Ford Mus- zon behind me and proceeded before the car decided to stall kumquat or is' this a 'That's a big ten-four.' tang II (this is invariably the to tailgate the Mustang, even in the middle of a busy KUMQUAT?' 'Gee, that's good.' only specific reference I can as I continued to force it byway. I had two girls with I recently overheard two 'Well, catch you later.' offer to auto parts cashiers along. She did not offer any me and was on my way to English professors use this 'You bet.' and garage mechanics) de- assistance, but insisted on pick up the forth member of oldie but badie: 'They sure 'At the Met.' cided to take a vacation. 'It following me, at a half a mile this disasterous double date, don't make cars the way they My hope is that the well just quits wherever it feels like an hour, despite the ample when tragedy struck. The used to.' All I can say is, YE educated public will be con- it,' I told my elder brother, passing room. Finally, her Mustang quit and the Diehard GADS! This tired old phrase stant!y aware of these cliches is still used to complain about and refrain from using them. If who does not share my func- level of frustration obviously went with it (and the little anything mechanical, animal strict attention is not paid, I tional stupidity, 'and it makes peaking, she shouted out acid-filled bastard was totally or vegetable. ('They suredon't think you know where this will strange noises.' After perform- some vulgarity about slow gone this time). Conse- make adolescents like Ihey lead. It will lead to a serious ing every gag, wheeze, and drivers out her window and quently, I resorted to the only used 'They sure don't situation, which will gross you snort before him, and driving flew on by (on what should treatment I knew-- pushing. 10,' all of the neighborhood dogs have been a broom). Sadly, So, with a suit on and two make spaghetti squash like out, to the max. Fer sure, fer wild, he presented his diag- the flustered old bat probably females inside the car, I again they used to.') If they made sure, good buddy. --' strained the back '- against nosis: 'It's the points.' Thus, I couldn't even see me push- strutted around for the next ing, though, for she almost bumper in front of thirty irate nine-to-five drivers. When it DiSCipline results posted several days revealing my mowed under three mailboxes new-found knowledge. 'My in her belated determination began rolling at sufficient Editor, The sanction imposed was car's shot: I said, trying to to pass speed, I lunged into the The following are the final suspension for Jan Term. style my sentence patterns driver's seat, slammed my tie discipline results for 1984: On December 3 a student But this was nol the last of after those of the best grease my mechanical difficulties. in the door, and threw the charged with assault of an- monkeys, 'and it's the points, stubborn heap into gear. On Thursday November 29, other student was found guilty too. Yup, it's the points.' But When the points were finally Needless to say, the dance a student charged with carry- by the Disciplinary Hearing fixed, my next lesson was on mere enlightenment did not that night was not very enjoy- ing an open beer in Decker Board and placed on proba- rectify the problem. batteries, for the twelve volt able College Center and non com- tion. Restitution for damages Diehard passed away on a Surely, this Mustang will ei- pliance with a security officer Once when I was alone, the bone-frigid morning before a ther make me a mechanic. or was found guilty by the all- was also required. Mustang petered out on a flat sociology exam. My only way kill me in the process. student Area Judicial Board. Students Affairs Office