Page 25 - ThePhoenix1983-84

page lbo And Editors Evaluate Impossible Island Events Dateline Grenada, a small chug. and Dave Dante were hiding commie infested country in ~?~~~~~s:r~on~o~o~e S~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~s:waen~o~~~ Kleber: How did we get in the darkroom, and Chris "Sneaky" Beyers had some- the Carribean, October 25th, George's where our brave is going to interview the driver picked for this mission any- thing better to do. way? 1983. Recently before going fighting men are encountering of the porceline bus. This day Mann: Well Greg was ex- Our three heroes were air- under, the Phoenix sent three fierce resistance. Let me stop is almost over. As you can tell pendable and you couldn't lifted to the Guam where they of its staff members, Greg a few of these men for some we have seen some very say no, and I had the tape proceeded to do what they Elba, Laura Kleber, and Bill 'man on the street' commen- interesting things today. Be- recorder. do best. Greg Elba found the Mann to give details of the tary. Excuse me sarge, how fore we close I would like to Kleber: What about the rest invasion as it happened. are you today? "Shut up lady, say that this could not have of the staff? pub and then got sick. Laura Kleber went shopping with These are the actual taped can't you see we're in com- . been possible without the 1 transmissions of the trio as bat, don't you have anything professionalism exhibited by Mann: Mike Kraig was the captain. Bill Mann de- events occurred. The events better to do then ask stupid this news team. afraid that the Army would kill cided to find out about the were put in paper for your Questions and get dirty." Oh! The neXt"day· before leaving. him when they read his arti- ship's roach problem and -l reading pleasure. You're right, thank you. Back Greg: Geeze! did you see cle, Phil Block had to play in Slander the Navy for its policy We find our three heroes as to you, Bill. that Cuban taco fly by. the Stanley Cup, Eric Green- of serving meat for breakfast everyday. berg was standing up for the I they hit the beach with the m~?a~~~~~i~e~:~nlr~~ib~:~~ Mann: Greg shut up and oppressed Carlos Ortega first wave of Marines. Elba: Oh boy, this is great, have just pulled Greg out of I any beach and now I've done g~i~;~~~~,::~:~~;E~80_ gives motherhood a go ; ever since I joined R.O.T.C. I've wanted to hit a beach, I it with the Marines. We're and l.e.S.M.s, Greg are you Con't from 1 record straight. "These babes th~ newspape~.,"I'~ excited," having some fun here, you alright? Let's have your re port. place close to his heart to set would wait until I was feeling gotta love it... ...SLAP!!! Mann: Greg shut up or I will down his beers. no pain, and then tell me said Elbo, besides the slap the taste cut of your Elba: Arrrrgggee?@#$%¢& One accusation that seems some line like they had an paper, I heard they ~ave a I feel much better. After hav- mouth. ing a few rounds with Andro- to be in the air concerns his autographed copy of Bruce's hell of a footb.all t~am. When Elba: Ok fine, l'rn up for pov and Castro I found out possible promiscuity. The The River album, and they aske~ what his blgg~st ap.re- that. Has anybody seen my they are really swell. They told word on the hill is that after wanted me to check it for hension on the pending birth six of Mic. me that this invasion thing is Greg's had a few cold ones, authenticity. Once in their was,. EI,~o replied, "Breast- Kleber: Where is my brush, he's easy. One girl who room, they'd pull "some move feeding. I must have teft it in the surf. really a mistke. They called it claims to have known Elba in like crank up side one of Led Donations for the child ( to a mirage conceived by capi- Look what that salt water did the biblical way, stated, Zeppelin Four. At that point insure that he/she will start off to my hair. talist dogs. I told Mr. Andro- "What the heck, it di~n't even my guard was blown, the girl with at least every Slack- Sa- pav that he was mistaken, as An hour later. have to be expensive beer, had me." bath album to grow with) can Mann: Here we are on pre- far as I know, Mr. Reagan's qive Greg a few RWB's and Elba will be transferring to be sent to Prego Elbo Fund in dawn patrol with the 82nd. Basset hound had no say in he's y.ours for the evening." Wayward College for Women, campus mail. the planning of the invasion. airborne, the three of us have Back to you Bill. In his defense, Elba set the where he plans to take over just taken up a position over- has just started: the sky is full to be in some trouble. Laura Porno Flick In Gameroom Mann: I am watching Laura looking the American Medical School. The rocket barrage from a distance. She appears ~~~ ~ndb;o;:~in~~h~u~~~~ w~~~~e~~\n~mO~?deep trouble Con't from 1 The student body so far has Still, the three always popu- of this one. My two associates Bill. There is a group of The movies shown will be been very Quiet about the lar pooltables will remain in are about ten feet away from Grenadian street vendors ~~on~eafr~~~~~i~~Yih:h:I~~~ ~~~ g:;e;~~~nt re~~de,l,i~~~ ~~~s;~~o ~;e a;ait~~~iv~ro~; ~~ta~7.dGr~~, ~~:g i~anray~~ fh~~e t~i:~lJt;t~l~ t~~~1th~it~t popular shows like Debbie you kidding me? This is great! Ovalclahle.idr,laHvOowrielevePr,ewePas"I"nlgOWb,e h Id b rf f Does D~Uas. Eventually the Now I don't have to go down ll e~;b~e. Yea Bill I'm here; ~~u juste ~~ e~~.o~G;~gw~~ peeps Will be geered towards to the "Baltimore Block" to be minimal because there are I the way, what do you think you are listening' need some p reppies exa . booths to d these rockets are great, we them my press card but they be ~~sf;I~~p:~~~.hsubject type is ~e;st.,~he films I enjoy the ~~al~~~ned should do this more often. By were not impressed. Greg, if r=-'===------.:::::::::_-------_:==::_---------l the chances are of getting a back up PDQ. mIn e l few grenades lor the next Elbo: I will be Ihere as soon publications meeting. Before as I can stand up. we cut to Laura, has anyone Mann: Laura I'll be there as Leather seen my case of Jack? Laura ~~~~ I revive Greg. In the Preppies. In the 6O"swe had nauseating.The only thing worth can becomeexaggeratedas it is are you there? meantime I suggest you buy drugs. In the 70's we had disco. mentioning concerning female retoldis astounding.A girl could Kleber: Thank you Greg I the print. In the 80's we have disgusting. Preppieapparelis it is about as conceivably leave a mixer with am watching these tiny peo- An hour later. Thisis in referenceto theanswer attractiveas mostof the eatables one memberof the footballteam pie climb up the side of our Mann: It is getting very dark to the Izod manufacturers' served in Englar. on Friday and by Monday the position, they are very cute, now, we have just dragged dreams, Preppies. Now for any- Much more appalling I~ the allegationis that she had madeit can you see them Bill? Greg out of the local whore- one with serious.identity prob- Preppie attitude. Their "Holier withthe entirefirst stringand the Mann: Laura? These cute house. Greg claimed there lems comes the guiding light in than thou" posture is almost as mascot. people, are they speaking a were 30 Cuban transvestites the form of a small very expen- revolting as it is incorrect. It is Theonly solution10 the spread different language with occa- holed up in the parlor with 3 sivealligator.Thisturnsthefocus sentimentssuch as these that of this plague is genocide, one sional, 'kill Americans,' thrown bomber aircraft and 17 jet to the nextaspect of the Preppie rf I effective method is to force the in for effect? fighters. It appears that they world. ~~~g~~~h~:;ldH~~~~~~~d~~_ Preppiesto purchasetheir cloth- Kleber: Yes Bill, do you were just waiting for fuel. Preppie attire. Besides the blooded American groups like ing only at K-Mart and Zayres, think there is a problem? They W~~t is the story Greg? rather odd preference towards the KKK. causingthemall to taketheirown l s~em very friendly, I waved to C bOO:~ill I swear there were pink garmentsby the males,(as As conversationalists,Preppie'S lives. t emda~d they shouted then d u an orces in the place. I HowardSternwould say,soowee seemto limit themselvesto few Of course, this is the Bird wave ack. on't understand why they big boy) the other distinct char- topics, the climate, sex, and issue so it should be said that M~~n: I think we are in ~ere all wearing womens acleristicis the lack of sockswith more specifically, who sleazed all of the preceding was com-> their docksiders. The hygienic out with who over the weekend. plel.ly ~~UG~g,~h~~~da~~urC~a~~n~f~~!~~~~b~~dt;j~~h ~~ko~~~ implications alone are utterly 'n Ih"s ,especl Ih I in jest. (RighI) ~ha~:·wl~;sm~k2~x~e~r~~rJ~: aKI~~~r~a~:il I am hot and f- :__::'_::::_:::::::::.,.::::e_:w:::a::_y_::a_:s::o:cry::_ ----l T k tired, this story can wait. Right tove cocktails. now I am off to interview Workshop for Phoenix editors Elbo: NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!! Not my Jack some of our brave fighting men in my hotel room. Back "Match the Head" where edi- The Phoenix staff is enroll- An hour !ater. to you Bill. ing in a special workshop tors must match the headline and mark it properly. Special guest Dean Mowbray will give Kleber: That was a close Mann: Greg, did you eat the one. I am afraid that we took worm? Give me that bottle designed just for them. Titted with the correct article, and a short lesson on how to spell his name correctly. "Remedial Newspaper Skills", "Jumping Articles" where they a casualty; Greg went into before j rip your arm off and topics that will be covered must fjgure out if an article is shock shortly after we went beat you to death with it include: fun names like continued on another Dace 1.' _.