Page 24 - ThePhoenix1983-84

Anyone Seen My Undies? ~Mn£t- itle~h!hem~pots? em Maryland College have completely indoors. Visitors dam are these that have com- had a rather lackluster time are overwhelmed by the lush forted many scholars at this As a responsible journalist, I each dryer, but my apparel here because they were not vegetation along one wall, the institution. feel compelled to bring tmpor- was not to be found. 1 knew I informed of the major sights crystat-clear skylights, the Decker Auditorium is one tant issue's to the attention of was in trouble; I didn't have and attractions found on earn- seating complexes, and the of the finest auditoriums in the my readers. I believe that any more underwear. Do you pus. The college has, conse- two graceful fountains of region. Visitors are over- there are some dangerous know what happens to people quently, created the following water. whelmed by the plush seats, trends on the rise at WMC. who wear dirty underwear? guide to help visitors better The Pre.ldent'. Dining the sumptuous colors, and For example, one afternoon They get in accidents, are appreciate the unique envi- Room, full of objects from the the exquisite style of the cell- last week, I decided that the taken to the hospital. and are ronment of this institution: A various royal houses of Eu- ing, which rivals in beauty the smelt coming from my closet laughed at by all the nurses. Visitor'. Guide to W.. tern rope, is the epitome of pomp ceiling design of the famous was a little too strong; so, I What would my mother think? Maryland eoUege (1983) and elegance. This room is Westminster Cinema of the put my dirty clothes in the But alas, as I turned to The Pub (a British word graced with priceless artwork, Arts, located nearby in town. wash. Well, as many other leave, I spotted something on which is a shortened form of antique furniture, crystal, ail- The architectural style. of idiots on campus, I forgot the shelf. Clothes - my "public house," or tavern) is a verware, and china. buildings on campus include about them totally. A few clothes! Someone had taken place where students can Ensor Plazl, located in Georgian, Classical, Victorian, hours later, in the middle of my clothes out ot the wash, relax with mild alcoholic bev- front of the main church, Dutch, Bauhaus, and Cubist. Star Trek, my heart stopped. I put them in the dryer, taken erages, and intelligently and boasts monumental terraced Rouzer and Whiteford, the two suddenly got this vision of them out, and - get this - responsibly discuss politics, ftower-aardens rivaling the newest residences, are archi- some guy taking my under- folded them too. This was philosophy, academics, and famed Hanging Gardens of tectural masterpieces. While wear out of the washing rna- really too much for me. I other matters of intellectual- Babylon, which are one of the basically functional, they are chine and tossing it on the mean, I was really touched. consequence. Seven Wonders of the Ancient nevertheless beautiful in their floor (you know the kind of This person could have The Forum, modeled on the World. simplicity and essentiality. person I'm talking about - thrown my stuff on the floor forums of ancient Rome, is a The Gazebo affords an en- This list is far from inclusive, the same guy who rips down like everyone else does. But, center of judicial and busl- joyable hilltop view of the naming only a few of many all the signs, puts glue on he/she didn't. At that instant I ness affairs, as well as a nearby town and countryside. deligh~ul spots. Walk about toilet seats, thinks flatulence knew man was good. My place of assembly and dis- This large pavilion is the site and discover for yourself the is funny, and puts pinholes in heart filled with warmth for cussion. Matters and events of classical concerts for stu- many special and magical his roommate's condoms). mankind. I thought, "Maybe of the utmost seriousness dents and the community in places on the university's roll- Though I felt kind of people are really nice after all. take place here. the warmer months. The Ga- ing campus. If you are lost or queasy, I ran down five flights Maybe we can all live to- The Mall, adjoining the din- zebo is inscribed with the wish to find a particular build- of stairs to the Rouzer laundry gether and love each other as ing hall, is like malls around famous Latin phrase "Carpe lng, jus.t as~ the students, room. I looked into the washer brothers. Maybe I should de- the world, with open spaces, Diem," meaning "Enjoy the who, being friendly and help- and, to my expected horror, vote myself to promoting the shrubs, benches, and foun- present and to hell with the ful to strangers, will surely tell my clothes weren't there. I welfare and happiness of oth- tains. All the more awe-lnsplr- future." Ageless words of wis. you where to go. tried not to panic. I figured. era. Maybe I should call my well, maybe someone put grandmother..." Can You Help This Child? them in the dryer. I ran to Naaaaaaaagh! If so call 876-1972 ·Tass Comes Immediately following the deal with mainly student and announcing of the defaulting campus affairs, but like its of the Bird, the Dean an- sister paper it will be sub- nounced that the school will jected to censor by the col- not go without a student body lege, who will also be paper for long. Starting next assigning all articles that will semester every student will be printed. receive a copy of Tass, which Possible reporters for the will be a manditory reading new paper will be screened requirement for all students. by the student government The new paper will not be lead by the new Hunta, who completely associated with was put in control after the the Soviet news agency. It will military takeover in the quad. The Mighty Mo Phoenix Heiney's Wanted Editor... .... Leather takes Associate Editor ". ....................... Sneaky Attention all Males: Managing Editor.... . Magnum News Editor... ............................. Shortie new title Sports Editor .. . Ice Man Pictures are needed for Features Editor.. .................. Space Girl Layout Editor.. .. Electra Headline Editor ... . Radical Due to the Phoenix naming Affairs in the last issue, the WMC's First Buns book Photo Editor.. .................................. Lax Jean Higbee Dean of Student Photography .. .... Drawl, Blondie, Toby his title to Supreme All-Being Send photos to Box 1 Business Manager .. ....................Petey real Dean of Student Affairs Advertising Manager .. ............................ Ms. Marvel Wray Mowray has changed Published by and for the students of Western Maryland College. and Master of Time, Space, The opinions expressed in this publication are usually asinine and and Reality. All faculty, staff, No N/A's allowed do not reflect the opinions of anyone with mental stability. students, and other assorted peons will bow upon sighting We welcome comments andlor suggestions We need a good oftheMightyMo. I au 9 h ll ..