Page 90 - ThePhoenix1982-83

Page 4 News Briefs tY , Holocaust Rent-arack , WORLD TO END - The Bachelor fraternity sec- "- New York (API)--Leaders of tion is now willing to rack. the US and Russia have de- anybody for a price. If Y04 cided that their differences have twenty-five dollars and are irreconcilable. Thus, a nu- wish to see a friend or enemy clear war is scheduled, Tor in extreme pain, see any Saturday, April second. For member of Alpha Gamma more information call The Tau. No masochists or ani- White.House at (301) 555- mals. 1234~ "'9!)l000,, Stranger JOj' >Is\!, HEO pincqs saruo UO!SU91X9 'ZE 'cWO-9Sg "US 41!M auoAu'l 'lld elJOd A masked man riding a all) jO Al!UP!A 8tH ul 8l8ljM The camous mourns the passing. of Adolf, the'~ar.""!he much-loved fish perished during white horse has'been spotted -suios lSOI sq 01 paA8naq S8M break under suspicious circumstances. Adolf is survived by his owner, Carlos Ortega and a frequenting mecempus. Se- II .J841BJ Jell 01 JiIJBlnO!lJsd dozen goldfish. To respect his last wishes, Adolf was blown to bits by firecrackers. curity officers have alleged pue Aal5uel SS!V'4 0) anls" reiueumues ~that the lonely ranqer-looklnq 841 'en1811 Ale18uow SIU!! !O Rossman's journey home 188J5 SEll AlIU!5J!A fellow has been going around, righting wrongs. Any- al!4M 'fi.815U'Ell B8JPUV Aq pua one. with any knowldege of -)l9aM )sal aJ911 )SOI Al!U!6J!A Steven Rossman ing on a conversation by We sneaked past our par- the ~avenger is instructed to alH JaAOOaJ ueo 04M Apoq Upon my last visit home, herself. She also mimics fa- ents and up to my room. contact security as soon as -,<.ue0) paJ9UO S! pJeMBJ V during the break, I noticed a mous personalities, such as Things had changed. The possible. lSOl sign on our lawn. -lt read: her teachers whom she de- walls were pink, my King-size this, During Dad Inquire "Room for _Rent - spises. bed was now a Queen-size Epidemic Pornography Within." I immediately looked at Mom. Mom looked bed, and there was a.huqe laughed, especially at the "In- at Barb. Barb looke-d at her bo'!Y around my desk lamp. The WMC Disease Control quire Within" part, and asked plate. I looked at Dad. Dad My room had been feminized! A porno movie featuring Center has dejected an out- prominent members of the my father whose room was for looked at his plate, and when I' wasn't.• as angry as you break of preppiness i.nWhite- faculty is, scheduled for Fri- rent. After a long pause, dur- Barb took a rare breath be- would think. My parents slunk ford Residence hall. The jng which we pulled into the fore continuing her mono- up behind me and apologized affliction was believed to be day, April 1. Included in the driveway, he uttered, "It's al- CI,,?sU?~' he asked me, "B's? for what they did. They said which was panned by film - brought to the campus by most of the critics but re- ready been rented auf" I they' ,did it only so th,!! the some Gettysburg College stu- ceived a good review from laughed again, because he The discussion that followed house wouldn't seem so dents last weekend. All reel- had not answered my ques- became highly emotional and empty. I felt sorry for them. dents and anyone else in Gene ShaUt - are two En- tion, but did not pursue the very loud. I can relay no more "Where will I sleep?" I glish professors, three jani- Whiteford the past week are tors, a Chemistry professor, 'matter. The laugh would be quotes. Let me just say that asked. ordered to the infirmary for and a dean, and a special on me. no definite decisions were "On the couch," they re- anti-prep shots. With every- By the - time we had un- made. Dinner ended. I was plied. I no longer felt sorry for body's help, we can han the appearance by Rex, the.won- packed dinner was ready. In encouraged not to go to my these two people whom I 'proliferatlon of facile values der dog. . the dining room my sister, room, but to wash the dishes. thought were my parents. I Barbara, sat twirling her hair, This I did with little enjoyment, knew I had to take action. and overpriced clothing. waiting to "be fed. Our main when Barb asked me to go There are two endings to Rape Fan club course ytas in in the twenty for a walk with her. The this family story. I leave the The Bob Fasano fan club year-old' Comingware, which' dishes were forgotten, and as choice up to you, the wise The Carroll County Commu- has disbanded due to lack of my mother set on the table. we left ,. noticed my parents reader. Ending one: I took my nity services Association is interest. The group, started by Our dinner discussion began reading the newspaper. They folks to court, sued them, and organizing a rape couseling Mr. Fasano himself, never had shortly after we were all were in the den, sitting on the won. They were sentenced to session for all young men more than two members. But seated. Readers should be couch. As usual, Mom had ten years of hard labor and interested in becoming future when Mrs. Fasano dropped aware of two things. The most one side of the paper, Dad have to attend Parent Educa- rapists. Topics covered will out, citing the high monthly important (and painful) topics had the other side, and they tion classes on"How to Keep be "Beating the Statutory dues, the group decided to in our family are discussed at were reading together. Your Son at Home and Never Rape Laws," "What To Do if quit. Mr. Fasano would like to dinner. Also note how the My sister and I took a short Let Him Go" and "Parents - She Has a Can of Mace," and thank all his friends who dTalogue works on .various walk around the block, which Do They Slave Enough For ' B h Getting Aggressive Represen- joined the club. psychological levels. differs from the other blocks Their Children?" tation." The lectures are free, B 19 as "Good meal, Ma," I said, in that our block is a block Ending two: [ reported my and open to all red-blooded after nibbling on my tuna and a half long. "Steve," she folks to the Humane Society, American boys. Sorry, no The ROTC of Western Mary· s~~~:~:'SChOOI?" asked Dad ~:~ o'~~ht~y~V':w~~;~~~eyy~~~ ~~nfr~~1 aa~n, u~~~uf~stt.re~~ homosexuals or women. Reminder ~::h ~~t~~~~~~:~~!~i:in~~~~!y nibbling all the ~~ie~=:~ college." I couldn't ~~irr~~~g~~~~c~~odsmt~o~u~t~o~faloai~n A reminder: Marijuana and a.m. Disappointed with their ~~~~ses?" ::~~:;'~~~~~v~~ti~gl f~~i~~r unused room. My parents, in other narcotics are illegal and unsuccessful Car Bash, the "Fine," still nibbling. that they do for you," said turn, reported me to the What dangerous. Anyone using ROTC has selected a better "Grades?" I stopped nib- Barb. is a Parent To Do With a Son said substances have the op- time and subject. This year's bUng and fell silent. My sister "And the girl stayed?" [ Who is Ungrateful For All They portunity to tum themselves in professer to be annihilated: saved the day with, "In chem- quipped. Do Society, where my' punish- <, to any Security .offlcer for a Dr. Harold Ray Stevens. istry today, that moron they "Yes, only they don't feed menl is to watch reruns of fair trial in the Carroll County judicial system. Remember: ~~~c~s°a~"h~~to~~:st~ t:~call a teacher...." Sarbara is a her cookies and milk." "Leave it To Beaver" and get high on life...not drugs. turer...It's for a good cause! ~n~~p:rt ~~~h:c~~~f Sc~~~ e~~D~n'!j~:i.'~hat's all [ever "Father Knows Bes!-" Tuition pnces are increasing again this year. Scratch Enter- ********************************** prises is offering a service Do You Read Like They Did 20 Years Ago? whereby you can obtain all Fake ad the money you need in retum for your soul. What is everlast· You should! The way they read 20 years ago was just fine. So why should you try to change your reading habits? Our ing" damnation when com- Bevelyn Droods sl~w reading course wilt teach ·you to read at the slowest pace" in dimly lit rooms - just like they did pared to the fun you can have 20 years ago!! You too, can read novels and newspapers IN MERE MONTHS! Send a thousand bucks to: Seve[yn in college? For more informa- Droods, P.U. Avenue for your First Full Course Course!! tion, see area dealer BLle- Bub at 555-2323. *****************~**~*************