Page 88 - ThePhoenix1982-83

-Dpinion ......__ Open letter Letters to-whoever's in. charge I just can't take it anymore! To whom this may concern Furthermore and Finally Dear Editor find out why this teacher had cles air so big - Why I've got (If you hold this letter betwixt were walking down the street Things air not gain' too quit and found out tflat he muscles on mah muscles. I your hands, you are the when~all of a sudden Finally swiftly for me at WMC. But I wam't-nc teacher at WMC. cain't get through the door of "whom" whom this concerns says to Furthermore... don't believe it's mah fault. This guy'd resigned from a mah flat -even. Why, mah - but don't be too con- Furthermore and 'finally, I Firstly, I never got a room on loanshark operation (embooz- finger muscles air so big I earned): hope all this (or this all) is campus. J have a flat in zled r think is the word.) 11gal had ter write this letter with a Someone has spread an perfectly clear .to '-you, be- Brooklyn. That's Brooklyn, a postcard from him two days pen betwixt mah teeth. What . ugly rumor around campus. (I cause there is one little thing New York _ not Brooklyn, later syain' he'd lost mah anals can' I goe thru ter should know, I told her to that I don't understand, and Maryland. It's a lousy flat money somewhere in Pimlico. straiqhten out mah life an' spread it, however I never that is If I DIDN'T invite you to anyways. overlooking the I want mah money! college career? told her to make it "ugly). This the party I'm not having. and city's marvelous sewage sys- In addiction, the students Signed, rumor relates to a party I am you didn't. KNOW I wasn't tem. The mane problem is the here are ...well, hard up. I've I.M. So Home and Muscle NOT having. ~ inviting you to the party I'm long walk to the college. My been attacked by girls, who Bound Firsdy, there never was a not having - Then why the frail body jest couldn't take it. want me fer mah body, and P.S. Things din't go so weI! "so called" party to begin (deleted) wasn't I invited to The reason I couldn't get beat up by guys cause I ain't terday. You see .... (Edited, with. I had thought, many a the party I'm not having, ei- campus housing was be- in no fraternity. To top it off, I due to a serious attack of time about NOT having this ther?! I'm terribly (in~fact. cause I got no relatives or was forced (against mah free boredom) party, and in fact, those-times incomprehenSibly) upset. friends who went to WMC. I wil1s)to lift weights fer six Muscle: Kill yourself - The Ed I· spent thinking about NOT I hope (however) that this read where ninety percent of months by some jocks. These having this party - I DIDN'T! does not foul .up our friend- the people here are relatives bousy were cruel. Mah mus- Secondly, there will he no ship. I don't think I'll ever or friends of relatives. I say: ' Secondly, I never got muh Females harrassed salted pretzels and roasted NEVER not invite you to an- No fair, mon frere. nuts at this party I'm not other party I won't have, ever having, NOR will there be any again. (Although I can't be $2,000 back. Ya see, I paid potato chips, chip dip, or positively sure of this, I'm this guy the money for a Jan- booze. Also, there will be no absolutely positive I'm not Term coarse called "The Art plastic, forks, spoons, knives, sure.) of Sleeping on Public or paper cups, or paper Surrealistically yours, Benches." Halfways thru the plates for the roast beef (well-: Hubba "The Yubba" Bubba cuourse, tho, I got a letter done), three-pean soup, P.S. If you received this from him sayin' he had re- French bread (no butter) and tetter, don't let me know.' signed and would never come back. I asked.around to Hawaiian punch at the party . P.P.S.If you found this letter I I'm not having. to be of highly unusual inter-+- -== Thirdly, (there must always est and wish to frame it and 1 be a thirdly), I have spent a favorite light switch, you must hang it on the wall over your 9.!e~t deal of time thinking about not inviting you to the be nuts. party I'm not having. P.S.S. and P.S.S.T.f! Real ad Phoenix staff meeting Monday 6:30 Basement of Rouzer cumshaui I'm not kidding Dear Editor, back, I'll break every bone in I'm writing to whoever your body, if I find you wear- swiped my leather jacket. ing it. No more reward. From Ever since you took it I have now on it's force - that's, the been unable to look cool at all only thing that you monkeys times. If it weren't jcr my Ouy understand!!! Osbome hat and my Black Signed, Forearm Sabbath T-shirt,'l'd be unpo- Forearm: Kill yourself. The Ed. pular. If you don't give it