Page 18 - TheGoldBug1957-58

The Gold Bug, Nov. 22, 1957 CmCLINGTHE mu .1 Conduct Rules l:~~: For W. M. Coeds sJabsO::e::c~i~~;ti~p~::hr~:d ~'h!~e :o:t~e!~~o~;:e~o~~n~~~ir:a~::h:~~ polish, and you don't need leg make-up either, girls ... raincoats on girls and they're not covering up Bermudas .. a hooded creature (from Sputnik III?) Girls llave always been faced with -he carris two red umbrellas, one larger than the other-two heads ?-no, the universal problem-how to please one for the stuffed animal ... new game of soccer on all fours-c-pretty sloppy the men in their lives. The thirty- at G-burg, eh, Horse? ... hats (?)-all sizes, shapes, and colors-latch on to nine rules following are an accumula- these guys, gals,-their chapeaux will take first prize in any Easter parade or tion of thoughts on the subject gath- Mad Hatter's party ... traditionally blue moods to match the exam books. ered somewhat forcefully from the ._ what a "poop" rally before Homecoming; didn't make much difference though men on the W.M.C. campus. So if ... and still it rains. you want to please the men here, it is suggested that you follow them to the On the sunny side ... "guys and gals pinned, ringed, car-keyed, and jack, letter. eted-e-congratulatlona . . couples split up singing "I'm Available"-Iook out! 1. Never be seen with" a large ... no injur-ies from the slipper~ gy~ floo~-pretty slick dance. group of girls because he thinks only they like you. There is a notice on the Main Bulletin Board about shoe shine equipment 2. Never be seen with a large group being sold in the bookstore. Shall we interpret that as a hint? You must admit of boys because he will wonder why A Four-Ilay Holiday - For Tltis We Give Thanks? it is tactful. th~y like you. • 3. Never be seen alone because he Although it has been just about by-passed in the Christmas rush, Thanks- Overheard in the Grille: "This College was founded upon many traditions, wonders if anyone likes you. f~v:~: :eC::t:ll:f i~/e~~~r:~~~;y~~~dc~~:~:~~,h~~~~~:~n~n:r~~:'~:P:abnJll~~~~:; most of which are professors." ~ot to. men:ion names or anything. at the prospect of a few days respite to catch up on September's assignments. Join the D.M.B. club! Contributions are welcome; dues 'will be required (There's always Christmas recess for the October, November and December of all members. D.M.B. stands for Dusty Mail Boxes, and all proceeds will on;~~~nkSgiVing in reality is not a day ~-========== !~~~I:,~re~b~~~d~~;~hi:s~I~~kd~~t;;:s~en~:.tr~!:u~~;:e~~s a:~;r:::m~o~;;~i;!:~ created for the benefit of procrastmat; tunities may seem tempting to the elude: 1) Receiving no more than four letters per month consisting of the ing college students. It is not just an B.A. or B.S .. degree hOI.der when Ill' following; one from parents, one from your church at home, one from the interlude during which Christmas goes out lookmg for a Job. church in Westminster, and one advertisement, 2) Taking the oath to dust street decorations are hung, Christmas Just remember, when you have a ' your mailbox faithfully each Monday morning. Club slogans include, "Write shopping lists are made, and the tn, M.A. or Ph.Di-c-they'H come looking none, receive none," and "Keep Maryland BeautifuJ." dustrial propaganda machine begins for you. * • * to operate in full force. Although it may seem amazing to The Tahles Turned A classic remark from the soccer field vicinity. "The wet ball with lime college students used to ambiguities, encrusted on it looks like a dining room hush puppy."\There's an idea if some- one is really hungry. sub\leties and puzzling n u a n c e s, The first contact one has with Thanksgiving is exactly what it says Western Mar-yland College probably it is. It is a day set aside for the comes through the much maligned greatly Attention all those so lucky as to possess a fly-swatter! Your presence is Thinking up ways to Iruetrate the Please bring the af"Orementioned weapon with desired in the Grille. gi1)im.g of thamke. It is a day to sit and seldom thanked Public Relations you because there is an over-abundance of said varmints who are becoming coed'! 'down seriously and thank God for the Office. This college department per- privilege of just being alive. It is a forms efficiently the tremendous job quite close to the persons and food sitting around. Anyone having an aerosol 4. Never be too intelligent because time to be grateful for being a citizen of informing alumni of present and bomb is also invited to join in the Battle of the Bugs. Forward, march! he'll feel stupid. of these United States of America future developments ; l!Ublicizing the 5. Never be too stupid, because he'll and intcr- with corresponding rights and duties. present students' activities in Western Fools Give Analyses Refuge be ashamed of you. Strange as it may seem, it is a time esting future students 6. Never be average, because there to realize the extreme luck each of us Maryland as the college of their Wise Men Never Try By Jean Shadrach will be nothing s-pecial about you. is endowed with in order to attend choice. 7.. Don't dress up; he'll wonder and be graduated from a college of Subordinate to this, but important Analysis of the creature known as IT this is all of hapwness I'll cherish, whom you're trying to impress. our choice. It is a time to consider to the existence of the GOLDBUG, is "woman" as seen through the eyes of If this is all of love I'll ever find, 8. Don't be sloppy; he'll think you oin- parents and express to them the the job of keeping the st-aff informed the chemical engineer. t Then death will be a welcome way to don't care. appreciation we all feel but seldom of happenings on and about campus, Symbol: WOo keep peece 9. Don't be collegiate; he'll wonder make articulate. forwarding wotd of "scoops", and Accepted Atomic Weight: 120. And leave this world of emptineee what you're doing on W.M.C. campus. Thanksgiving is an important holi- saving pictures and cuts for our use. Physical properties: Boils at noth, behind. 10. Don't be 'too friendly; he'll day. T'rue, it is a prelude to the The Public Relations Officepresent- ing, freezes at any minute, melts when think you're fast. Christmas season, but it is more im, ly consists of four people: Mr. Philip properly treated. These are the wonk of people lost in 11. Don't be too cold; portant than that. To say Thanksg-iv; Uhrig, Miss Nancy Winkleman, Mrs. Occurrence: Found wherever men sorrow you're a snob. he'll think ing was only that would be to miss Robert A. Cuttler and Mrs. Albert exist. Whose tortured minds found no re- 12. Don't be aggressive; he'll run. the whole meaning of the day. It Shoemaker. The first two are the Chemical propertles: Po sse sse s lease from pain; 13. Don't be passive; he won't would be, to quote a phrase, to "notice "contact men" and the detail neces- great affinity for gold, silver, plati- Their will to live and love of life has the scenery and miss the plot". The sarily falls on them. Their duties num, and precious stones; violent re- vanished come. scenery then may be one- of a Yule- range from talking to senior classes action if left alone; able to absorb And all their dreasns, it seems, have 14. Don't talk about other people; tide nature, but the plot is distinctly in various high schools to conducti'ng great amounts of food matter; turns beem in 1)ain. he'll think you're a gossip. unique. The characters are varied and prospective students around the dor-, green whenever placed beside a better- 15. Don't not talk; he'll think you everyone has a leading role. The call, mitories. Either and any job they do looking specimen. "But wait" a voice of hope calls soft- don't know anybody. ber- of the performance depends on with equal enthusiasm and efficiency. Uses: Highly ornamental; useful ly to them. 16. Don't just talk a little; he'll each and everyone of you. The only Reminiscent of this is the day in as a tonic, accelerator of low spirits, "This part of life, I know, is ne1!er think you're a POOl"conversationalist. prerequisite to the assumption of the autumn, 1953, when Mr. Uhrig in- equalizer in the distribution of wealth; swift, 17. Don't date every Saturday role is that each person must have spired yours truly to become at one is probably the most effective income But NOW'S the time im.portant to night; he'll think you're a play girl. humility and sincerity. The audience with the entering \V.M.C. freshman "reducing- agent known to man. eae"- person- it. 18. Don't never date; you're out of . is sure to be receptive and appreeia- class, 1954. (It was ali he said and Caution: Highly explosive in in- The choice is yours to lit'e OJ" just tive. experienced hands. exist." 19. Don't have just a ,few dates; Next 'thursday is the day of the more '," work!). Cov.rtesy of Kumquat he'll think you're just lucky. Whatever Be that as it may. performance. The place is Every job, the Public Relations Department the To see a tree in all its autumn SlI16'1I- 20. Don't go to the Rec Hall; he'll Home, U. S. A. Dinner is included in Mr- think you're man-crazy. the program and everyone is welcome. does it well (even down to coaching LETTERS To hear a robin sing in lO'Vely morn- 21. Don't go back to the dorm; he'll Thanksgiving is not just another an enthusiastic soc,cer team). It is And be aware of beauty all around think you're un~ciable. holiday. Let's give it the prominence the time for them to be the subject To The' 22. Don't go to the Grille; he'll and thoughtful attention it deserves. rather than the author of somo well- y= think you're. a freshman. deserved publicity and thanks. It is EDITOR And know that for this purpose you 23. Don't go home weekends; he'll the poople them that only through Graduate Schools back home maintain contact with our were born. think you're running away from him. he'll 24. Don't stay he~e weekends; Pose Serious Query little world. To the Editor of the ,GOLDBUG, To never be too 'bl!SY to give~ comfort think you're chasing him. more faT than lonelier To someone To my fellow sufferers: 25. Don't go horne some weekends; are considering some emergency steps Bravo_, Encore_, pr:~~:~~es, promises, nothing but To laugh when tears are all that seem he'll think there's another "HIM." "America's leading graduate schools Y'~ 26. Don't import So says the "'Vall Strcet Jour- Chfrchez LaFemme to meet the soaring demand for ex_ to 7IUlJ.ter he'll be jealous. men on campus; perts." weIrfe\~'l~a~h~~r:~:lYbi:~stw~~~: ~: And pity those who clttim that yon'rc nal," (Nov. 12, 1957). Discussed are Since the petjormance of The Re_ raised $100 per year. Of this, $50 a fool. 27. Don't date just campus men; the various ways st;hools will prepare markable Mr. P&lmypacker is sched· was to go towards room and board. be'li think you can't get anyone else. to produce more and better qualified To realize- that happirwss is meaBured 28. Don't try to do both; you won't candidates. uled for ton)ght, it seems a propos to With say 600 students at $50 a head, By joy that comes fnnn li1)ing tl'U/y get any dates. Sputniks I and II have caused the devote a few words to the people be- this gives the school some $30,000 blest. 29. If you drink a lot, he thinks- United States to re·examine its edu- hind the performance. 'more than last yeal' to be used for Then in the darkest mo-ment of yonr you'r<'l a sponge. improving the room and board. The College Players is a group of cational programs. Deans from Co- students who devote hours of time for As far as I have been able to ascer- sorrow . 30. If you don't drink, he thinks lumbia, Harvard, Duke and Toronto each production. They are a group tain, the food has deteriorated in This is your place; this is your happi- you're a prude. have met to issue a report on revision 31. If you drink just a little, he in graduate school requirements. Their skilled in scenery-painting, prop-col- many respects from last year's. Quite thinks your'e holding back. proposals recommend ways to produce lecting, memorizing of lines and af- often there is not enough food to go 32. If you wear a lot of makeup, more "experts" by using facilities al- ter.;:nidnight studying. They do all around the table once, much less any To the Editor of the GOLDBUG: he thinks you look better without it. ready available. Mainly, this concerns this not for financial reward or not for second helpings. The tabJes set How's this for a change of events 1 33. If you wear n6 makeup, he limiting work on a Ph.D. to a t.hree· even for the glory of being on the up are always too many or too few. thinks you'd look better with it. year maximum. The reQuirement·s for stage. The dearth of variety is amazing. It I have a problem! Either nobody 34. If you wear sexy clothes, he's a Master's degree would be lengthened They do it mainly through love and is hard to understand how anyone has faith in my judgment or nobody embarrassed. to defer doctoral candidates to the admiration for one person, Miss could manage to serve such tasteless has a problem, and I seriously doubt 35. If you don't wear sex~' clothes, can be true. Perhaps if the latter master's field-and make room (or more Esther Smith. It's a wonderful meals which have no variety. It is you can help. he looks at someone who does. gifted candidat.es. woman who can inspire such work in possible to predict just about what 36. If you dress like everyone else, While the meehanics are interesting, an already filled student schedule. we are gtling to have and in what I am an authority in all fields- he thinks you're a conformist. the motil'ation behind t.hem is the per- It's a remarkable being who can in- terrible condition it will be when it men, women, boys, girls, school, men, 37. If you dress like no one else, tinent fact that should concern us. The spire these people to do the work ,,;fll- gets to the table. beauty, and ?nen. Anything at all. he thinks you're a frea~. value of post·graduate work in t.he' ingly, cheerfully. It's a talented in- By the way does Wester,n Maryland Seriously now, please ask your read- 38. If you don't cut classes, you're modern world is momentus. Indust.ry dividual who can create professional have a dietician who has received a ers (you do have some, don't you?) chicken. / especially. is interested in the appli· like performances from a crew con- degree from an accredited institu- to submit their problems, and I'll do 39. If you do cut classes, you're cant with at least the Masters degree sisting of English, religion, sociology tion? my best to find a solution. sjJowing off. and preferably a Ph.D. The occupa· and science majors. What can we do to improve the food Worriedly yours, 40. Etc., e~., etc. And so it gees, tional possibilities are limitless. In other wQrds, when the curtain here? Is it going to be necessary for Myrtle Mirzendorf girls. It is very simple really. Just It is up to every college graduate goes down on a successful perform· us to try the same tactics as the stu- Dear Myrtle, dry up and-well, that wouldn't solve to face this fact: It is to his advan- ance of The Remarkable Mr. PeJ~ny- dents at the University of Michigan We have published YOUT letter. any problems either. You have the tage in every way (especially finan_ packer, it will be due in no small pert and boycott the dining hall? All readeTs wit.h problems, writc to answers from the guys. Maybe next cially, if that. is of prime interest) to to the efforts on the part of the re- Sincerell(. Myrtle, c/o the GOLD BUG, W.lI.f.C. time you'll try Myrtle. , continue his education. Job oppor_ markable Miss Smith. Ne~rll Neale Fossett A Bc post ca?Yl will do. Ed. Names withheld