Page 95 - Scrimshaw1980-81

Wednesday, April 1, 1982 Scumshaw page 342 from bottom of page CarnelJ presents fashions wasn't our bug spray, it was the way not responsible for trese deaths, It it was sprayed." Contrary Ihis state- ment was a comment made by a company worker. "Well, urn, we didn't think it would kill people. Just bugs, '*" stated the workers Precautions are now being taken in *" the Whiteford dorm. Medical experts are advising residents to "try hard not *" to breathe in the bug spray." One *" haven't seen a bug in days" resident commented on the aoven- of the situation, She stated, *" *" Inflation is a *" problem? *" *" Yes she *"has come a long way from her years as a cute todler, but we wouldn't have her any- other way! Shown here modeling the smart new uniforms she has de- signed for the student ushers at College Activi- ties events, Yvette was overheard exclaiming "No! You can't have an extra set of keys." *" for anything! (including *" strange initiation ceremonies) *" , . *" Fly-by-night Livestock *" Haulers '~. .~ *" efficient and discreet *" Students "bugged ll to death Tuition cuts Chris Oeesoto wa:-ts,The victims first started to qasp that the deaths were caused by announced natural causes, not by bug spray Five students deaths in the past few lor air, then fell to the ground in Custodian Jerry Smith contradicated days have been reported in Whiteford convulsions. The latest death, which Jeff Lice Hall at WMC, the fifth case was occurred at 6:30 a.m. this morning, this statement policy at WMC will be accompanied "Yeah, those gals are dropping like discovered this morning on the fourth happened when a stuoeot was on her According to Admissions Counselor by a drastic change in admissions floor. Officials say all of the deaths way to the showers. Freshman Bertha flies. It's bug spray all right. Just as Les Bennett. college costs at Western policy as well. A well-educated are related, all were determined "Pes- Forango witnessed the death, For- we finished sprayin' that dorm, I knew Maryland are going down next year worker in the Admissions Office was ucots Fatalis" or bug spray poston- ango stated, "I was brushing my somethin' was wrong. I could feel it in by ninety-nine and foully-four hun- asked what effect this would have on ing, The five victims' names are being teeth, when the unfortunate coed my nose" dreths percent. Translated for those WMC's view of incoming student's withheld until parents are notified walked in and started to complain Medical experts are perplexed, Ap- 01 us who aren't very goad with GPA's and SAT scores, The anony- The first victim collapsed in the about the 'awful smell' in the hall parently some residents are immune words or numbers, this means 99 and mous source replied, "\ hope Reagan hallway near her room in Whiteford Suddenly, she started choking and to "Pesticidis Fatalis." One expert 44/100%. This drastic lowering of does away with all those silly pro- dorm, shortly after she arrived back gasping I didn't know what to do said, "II we could just out what college costs will bring next year's grams that FDR started in the thir- from Spring Break, A witness to the She laid on the floor with her legs causes the immunity. maybe we previously estimated figure of 6425 ties." So much for a well-educated dollars down to precisely $38.25. A could do something. Maybe" death said, "I saw her bringing in her and arms in the air, kicking, It was The company which manufactures real steal! According to Bennett, employee suitcases, and I offered tohetp her awfuL,just awful" the bug spray used in Whiteford sent "Yeah, We was real lucky that some Another policy change that the We walked into Whiteford and that's Apparently residents In Whiteford a spokesman out to WMC on Tues- real old lady bit the dust and left who Admissions Office w;1Iundertake will when I first noticed the smell. It was Hall are being kept in the dark about day. The spokesman, after long hours be geared towards the handicapped. kind of like Raid mixed with Black the deaths. Some have not even of scrutinizing the investigation files, knows how much money to WMC The reason for this new policy is Flag. All of a sudden, she started to heard rumors, When asked about spoke to reporters from Westminster And this time instead of helping some unknown but as yet another campus good cause like Cuba or EI Salvador, gasp and shake. The next thing I what she thought 01the deaths, one and the college. He stated, "We are we thought we would give the stu- employee says, "We have to let knew she was on the I100r" resident replied, "Gee, what deaths?" someone other than Fasano park in According to witnesses, the next A spokesman for WMC stated that continued to top of page dents a break" those spaces in front of Decker." This drastic change in the financial three deaths occurred in similiar there is nothing to worry about, and