Page 18 - TheGoldBug1967-68

PAGE 4, THE GOLD BUG NOVEMBER 3, 1967 The Happ'iest Man: An Elegy To A Native Son by Mike Herr respect, Somewhere, there Is an Jlne of the maudlin, and we must " Ah! let me go where sorrow calls; Aeneas struggling to g1ve a final not, It is not our place to make the fallen to meanlng soldier. I, only I, wlUlssuefromyourwalls Somewhere there Is a sotuuon, legend of man. Time will do that. (Guide or companlon, friends! Iask We must leave the world OfHec- ye none), Time will find H. tor to get a better understanding And bow before the murdererofmy But who wa~ this man, Colonel of this Individual, and to see what Moore? TopeopleontheHIUhewas consUtutes a happy man. Let us super Two students went to the Chapel to pr-ay-c-one How many valiant sons, In early many things, To some he was Major join the Greeks of a mellower era, student" and the other an average student. an avant-garde bloom, Moore, that great guy In the ROTC andenler, In the person of Solon, Super student confidently prayed for all to hear, "God, I thank You Has Ihalcursed hand sent headlong department. To others hewasJlm, Into the palace ofweaJlhyCroesus, that I am not like this average student, dullard that he IS,who ts typ- to the tomb! the fellow I went to school with. TQ Solon has surprised the king by teat of this definitely middle class student body. His -tastes are Thee, Hector! last: thy loss (ctvtne- yet others he was young Major naming 'ratfus the Athenian the so medtocr-ev-ne likes "Sound of MUSiC," beer parties, and takes his sausracnon Moore, a nrtee toeucu Iy Brace) happte st man on earth, and has ba- culture mass and canned. His father Is In the Rotary Club, his mother SinkS my sad soul with sorrow to In an aging professor. gun to explain his reasoning. still works with the Brownies, and his grandparents go to church. the grave." The student who left In 1953 re- "I"lr51 because his country was "I thank You that I am not Hkethe SOS_HINGEworkers, those terribly -Atexandar Pope turned In 1955 to work towards a flourishIng In hlsdays,andhehlm- Involved and activist students concerned about peace and race, the do- Master's Degree, and assist In self had sons both heaullful and The father Is lamenUng his lost teaching military science. Of the gooo.c.arter a life spentlnwhatour gooder s and service oriented people who are obviously self-seeking In sons, the product of his now fruit- In55 experience, the wearv cucuas people look upon as comfort, his their altruism and phony Inlhelr human Interest. lessseed,andhecannotseethe mlghtreadthathewaseverybody's end was glorious. "I thank You Ihat I am not like these girls around here who are so war for the blood. But when death friend, arratne ano gooetooktng.But In a t.atue surpasstngjv the Athenians hung-up on Ihat definitely middle class virtue of virginity: or the frat- between Is looked upon as the loss of a the secret of his personal charm andthelrnelghhorsnearl':leusls. ernlty and sorority crowd. the technlcolor ed Greeks who are just 141h friend, suddanly the dl stant thunder- was In his own uapptne ss.He wus a he caine to the asststanco of his grad~ conformists; or thQ ROTC cadets in Boy Scout uniforms playing takes on a material stgmncanca, happy man whose smile could be COlln\r.\!men,l'outedthefoeallddled sotdtar with mat all-AmQrjcan-fr~sh_from_the barbar shop look; cr those Man's most civilized, sophisticated felt as well as seen, whose "\VlvIC ;II~1l the field most gallantly." varsity athletes, poor blInlghtlld jocks, who grunt and groan in English game acquires meaning If only for 'HI'" was more than just a feeble class as well as onlhe gridiron: or those SGA lackles of the adn'i"lnlst- the reason that a man has given acknowledgement of )Klsslng foot- -G, r owes ntcktuson ration playing sandbox politics whose claim 10 tame seems to blI a mid- his ,life to keep the guns active. steps. lie was a friend: st r-auger-s :..A nd Miles To Go dle class !,lIas! called GIGlF; or those definitely middle class Christian Afrlend,arespeciedmanhasdled could sense n.fte possassed a calli I kids who read the Bible, believe In prayer, and need reinforcement for In battle.Afterthelnltialshock,the serenity that was emulated rai!u"r Before I Sleep' You, whole spectrum of war, death, and than envIed. Colonel Moore was" "I am!! ~ I smoke pot; I understand the subtleties and nuances of forgotten companions comes mall who liked 10 handle the huck, by Will [):lvls Zen; I absorb Ayn Rand with my dispassionate brain; I phnosopbtze with crashing Into the mind like the not pass It. Once he p:.lnted the procot Har-um provides hack- Suire about" the absurdity of life; I Understand Bergman films: J keep walllngs of Pope's Priam, and\hen ROTC classroom while cadets ground as I gallantly face ona of prominently displayed 'The Candy Colored Tangerine Flake Streamline we place Intrinsic value on war. worked oU demerits hy watching the !JIgger lasks of the college day, Baby': I thrl!l to Allan Kaprow's 16 Happenlllgsin 5 Parts; J have defin- The deceased friend Is, of the furniture In the sllpply room. cleau the rOOiIi. Fold the ~,ray V- Itely dropped out of Ihe hypocritical middle class.' course, Lt. Colonel James (3. He recenUy carried Ihe buck In Viet neCk, Ilanger the herrlllg-hone, Meanwhile, Joe College, a definltely middle class student prays In- Moore, a son of Western Maryland Nam byleadlngahellcopterlandlng :~;.k Ihe dlrly sturt,etc.,etc.,etc., audibly, "God, be merciful to me, an average student." Collega. Colonel Moore's body has operation. It was the last act of a· ~:mrl~l:: e~:~I::rl~n:h~I;I~i~d ..r::~- My !Ililld w;lIl,k/rs I,a('k to the ~::a::~ I~::;~~~!r:~s~:~~:::~ :~~~~ t~laS~I~;U~s::~k,morehy his Will, ..! '1\1 part of the 2nd Armor- A Modest. Proposal there Is grief, and there Is quiet But now we are treading the thin Walk an Extra Mile; ~:en::~':I:I~f:~'~;;~~~~a~I~~~~:::I~~:: You Too Can Be A S~inger .. . D· weeks l>efore J leave ... well , got -by K. N, RIchwine C] lp ISCrlmlnation ~~~~~~.~~:::;::::'::::::w":::: of American Frost, the dlrtyoldman ruled [hat each male andfelnale or to go now ... to wrlte ... my letters chlld.shall join or he Inttlated Into Hobert at least 2457' clubs or clans spent a goon poetry, eighty years YeariJooks, jewel- his majority. virtues the and celebraUng iustbelng('ontrary of socieUes hy the tlme he reaches BY JohnSldnner Joe's (tlrmly with a teasing " prlnciph~, democracy, th" YQI- going against the current. Born ers, ban(tuets, and assemblies , •• the motto of the Methodist smile); "I'd lose all my whitloCUS· low-mans rights, ollr ECONOMIC near the Berkeley campus and were Invented as appropriate and MATEHIAL GAJN... .for whom Student Movement, who atter can- tomers and there aren't enough the poloticlan, the manufacturer, brought up In Thoreau country, prods anrl rewardS. The mark, vassing over 10 batbershops, has Negroes go mak~ up forlt."Ques- Mom, Dad, you, me ... ME?..~ he probably couldn't help hImself, therefore, of Indlvldualsucct'ss found only 3 Indiscriminate ones tion_"But the whole Negro com- should .... lcan .... Only once did he break his vows and attainment In eHher a student and one Is a Negro shop. Even our munity ceri'alnlyls"n'tcomingthls Yet he remains and J remain .... to be contrary: Old, weak, and ur an adult has long been Ihe abi· straight-haired Malaysian stu- far from where they live, wouldn't He wll! defend our American hypnotized bylhe Kennedy charm, llty 10 tttlnk up something new for dents have been received coldly, you cut a few college students Creed ... our great American value he agreed to be nice andr'ead a his cluhtotioor, since that Is of- though served. I'd like to share hair?" Answer- "That doesn't system calling for brotherhood,e- poem at JFK's Inauguration, ThIs ten asking too mUCh,thl' mastl'rv the sad humor and truth of the bar- make any difference." quallty, freedom, expression and flagrant backsliding resulted, as of Roberts' Buies of Order. bers' reasons for discrimination. All this can he sharply contrast- justice while 11 manifests the tra- you may remember, In a fiasco. Frost was moslly just Ullt-and- Everhart (visibly annoYlld): ed to Jim, a friendly, youngman gedies In Selma, Watts,_ and De- Millions of televiewers squirmed out contrary; I intend to be mort' "Me and my father before me for who first learned to cut "anyone's troit, In Appalacla and Puerto In their Barkalounges, Amerlcall constructive, Mv remedv for It\l~ 75 years have never cut Negro hair" In the armyandstlllhas Rico, In Cromvtown and on poetry was set back 16 or 17 years, social disease I;; borrowed from hair and we aren't about to start some white customers. The white Cllarles street. Did Captain Jim and the SWinger rllturnl:ld to Ver- those first eKlstentialists. thf' now. It's not thatwe'reprejudlced. barbers at the Squire and Midtown Stephens and Colonel Jim Moore mont shaken hut dellilrmined to bQ American Indians, and is a ~llllple WhY,we used to playwtth the col- gave their consent. The latter \lk- die Invaln ... dld they give their contrary, stubborn, and ornery ored kids at school when we were ened getting your hair cut to going lives for a fantasy wlll Eddie with ever-renewed vigor, First, all cluhs, klans, comllllt· little and everything has been!lne. to a doctor of your choice. Hesald fight for a myth OR will I, Frost particularly despised or- tees. circles, lodges, societies, No, sir, after 75 years we're not he ha,dnevercut a Negro's hair be- will YOU, will everyone rekindle ganizations. That Is no doubt why and similar cabals. would volun- going to change now, no, sir, I fore, butwaswilUngtotryhlsbest, what our forefathers started and he was a Republican and never tarilyburnthelrconstltut!onsand mean but Il the others (barbers) "Then I can feel welcome to come make the American Creed a real- went to church. Clubs, klans, disband and disperse at midnight do then I'll have to go along, too, here, sir?" "Yes.'Thlslsall any- committees, Circles, lodges, as- on Henry \)avld Thoreau's birthday I guess •• !' one could ask of a busIness man-to socIations, socletles __that whole (He Is naturally the patron saint Mel's (abruptly): "Oon't know sub-culture of American life drove of my non-movement), At the how to, Our clippers won't cut Frost mad just as it does me, celebration, which would serve to coloredhalr •••• yeah,yougotto Casu,ally Introduce any handful liquidate the treasury, each group have a dIlferent kind of clippers, of lonely and restless Americans, would swear not to reorganize for yeah." and in two minutes they will com~ at least one calendar year. Crouse's (with a warm, winning up with a preamble, a thIrty-page smile): "Well, my~good buddy Jim constitution, and a foot-long slate If any worthwhile project should Cook (a Negro part-time barber) of canctidates and committees, come up during that year-long has a shop right across the street Then they Immediately schedule a truce·-someone wanted to stage a and I wouldn't want to take any year or two of meetings and din. play, have a party, publ\shanews- business from him. Why I helped ners to figure out why they exist, paper,orllstentoasexologlst-- h.lm get started. We buy from the what to do, and wll.om to s~rve, anad hoc committee, a temporary same distributor, you can ask him!' Since they very seldom succeed group of people charged with ac- Questlon-tlMel, Jim's shop Isn't at this, each club Is forced to re- complishing a specific end,could open right now and I don't have cruit new members occasionally, handle the work, /l.lyhope Is, of time to wait?" Answer- "Oh, he'll hoping that they might know why course, that by the end of the first open In about a haU-hour from now. they joined or what to do. Fre- twelve-month cooJ!ng of! period 30 No, I couldn't take any business quent and organized partlesare or 40.oflheold clubs and socle- from Jim. Why It was just the other pleasant ways of avoiding Ihe t!es would be lost and forgotten, day that I sent some little colored Issue. The only disadvantage I can see boys over to him. Yeah, I know Since America fe~ls its young is that for a year all of us would be what It looks like to you, but It. need Intensive practice In these forced to live with only ourselves ISll~t, really. I just want tohelpmy quaint rituals, educators have buddY,Jlm," and our friends.