Page 44 - TheGoldBug1956-57

The Gold Bug, Apr. 26. 1957 Postal Purple Heart Die Vierd Vuns By Chuck Smith By Ann E. Crisp "Sue and Brad-tonight so that Every day, at approximately ten minutes to nine in the morning, one It was past twelve o'clock but there she could date Bob this weekend but of the strangest spectacles of human didn't seem to be any chance of the they are getting pinned again ... her and Brad." ever witnessed and lived noi-se letting up. The giggling was "Look, you 1"011 MEMBER ASSOCIATED COLLEGIATE PRESS to go takes place. You don't have still high-pitched and, rather than di- in this and see they the tissues up like stick on the win- minishing, India or Siam or any far to be gaining seemed Subscription Price $2.00 Per Annum distant land to view this small-scale volume. The same thought ran dows." "Hey, let me get under riot of human being and his manifes- through the minds of everyone but Move over!" the lamp. FLORENCE A. MEHL, Editor-in-Chief tations; just venture into the college those in the room, "Don't they ever "Guess I'll write Dad. I need some CLARENCEL. FOSSETT, Jr., Business lIJanager post office. get tired? Someone please up money." Copy Ediwr _. Katherine Bond My freshman year I was unfortun- and tell them to go to But "Doesn't anyone around here go to 'l'yping Ediwt ._. __ Jean Kuhlman ate in not having any first period no one bothered the group, and the C. E••om H~nrietta Sports Ediwr __ ....__ Photography._ .. .._.....__Lynnda L. Skinner classes, so r used to sleep until about noise went on. sleep?" Exchsnge News_Feature Editor. __ Circulation ..._.Virginin Pou half-past eight and then catch the TQ a farmer the annoyance would "we'll be quiet." New. Ediwt. _ Advertising Mannger Raymond Wright "I never have seen anyone with grille for a cup of coffee and some have resembled a chicken to doughnuts before second period start- anyone else it would have hair this color." ed. This one particular day I fin- play-by-play description of inmates "It looks green." "You're crazy." Gone Another Experiment ished my make-shift breakfast a at Sykesville. It wasn't either of "Docs it really look green?" but a group of nine college co- little early, so I thought I would take "No-let me see-no, only slightly The auction held on Monday had as 11 look into the post office to see if any eds. many of you readers may on top." By Mary Hcrrieon. mail had collected over the past have false interpretattonc of what its expressed purpose the desire to couple of days. As I started through "This is the one I like." raise money to aid Hungarian stu- the side door, I heard the bell ring to girls spank about after twelve o'clock. "Oh, no! Don't say that.' dents who wish to study here. This Want the inside dope? O.K., you're "I promised someone for that." aim seems to be on the way to a suc- end fit'st period. I had just gotten in. Pay attention or you won't com- "Already?" n thing. to my mailbox when attacked. prehend cessful completion. I've played a little boxed "I will, really I will." Another purpose was fulfilled. a little, and had some fights I Ever hear the word "whoote=j One "Does it have art in it?" The auction is the second instance in thought weren't any bed of roses, but of the damsels seems to have incor- "Yeah, but not mine." recent weeks to prove that students the word as her only adjective. "See-the tissues do stick." at Western Maryland do have a uni- I've never been kicked, shoved, push- describes her date, anything excit- Two o'clock. Opium den. around, of fying spirit. They can and will work ed, knocked down ...dragged the way I ing, clothes, and food. For some Knock. Knock! and generally beaten-up 1Jav,s rouner asoara Q·nd the UW' together, and what's more, they en- was the day I (fool that 1 was) r-eason, classes and studies are not "Would you nil be quiet. We want tr-ied Times awal"d, both cnrrlrnt joy it. to get through the post office to my described in a "whooie" fashion. to get 'some sleep." It was gratifying to see the stu- second period class. Some say girls with glasses never Noise continues. A few moments: dent response to the rather novel plan get From observing Lisa later some liquid seeps under the door. 1 was almost out when 1 saw them a of auctioning their services for a good coming from all directions, nnd I otherwise. Here is a girl "What's that?" cause. Each aad every student who knew escape was I froze dies over George Shearing, col- "Probably lighter fluid. They are In?ul volunteered could have found adequate with fear! They came at once, animals and lives fo)" trying to blow us out." rlictiona1"'Ywhile excuse to say, "No thanks, I'm too "I must have a tape worm." eyes crazed for want a third colleue to busy." But busy students found keys in making a line straight Gretchen is the most different, "He really is neat." of mail a}J1,licatioll. time and gave it with no personal fer their boxes. and I was in the even down to her tattoo. It's really "I'm getting hungry." compensation. These are the evi- there, but don't look for a rose, "Damn that shower. 'I'here isn't, He sat quietly, which was a change, middle. Ever see a Democratic as he was an extremely active thir- dences of that elusive phenomena: They rushed by so fast I never had who paints? any hot water. Wake me up at 7:00 school spirit. I'm going to so I can take a shower. teen year-old boy. His feet curled Experiment X led the way. The a chance to get my arms up. I was Lou, the quiet one, writes letters bed." around the rungs of the straight- spun a round a couple of times by the and letters and more letters. All the backed chair and his eyes stared va- assembly followed. There's nothing momentum, but recovered and danced time she has she spends writing let- "Guess I'll go, too. It's after two cantly into space as he waited. He to say the parade must end. around a bit jockeying for a good ters, o'clock." we have to get to bed "Honestly was still tanned from the summer sun position so I could make a run for it. If once more our "Wizard" makes earlier, kids." even thought it was early November. 011 Advice To Students A second later, r saw daylight, and a wild suggestion and doesn't follow "Hey, hang up the skirt." His blond hair was standing up gathering all my speed and stamina, through, there may be a lynching. the back of his head, waving victor- This appeared in the Tennessee I made a valiant effort to reach the What really discourages me is that Have you had enough? See boys, iously, having won out over the hours Tech Oracle, reprinted by Pageant door and freedom. How naive I was. beauty and brains do go together. we don't always talk about you. We run the girl-s up. don't even always the boy spent trying to "slick" down magazine. It's called "10 ways to After the surge pushed me back, a In many respects she gives us all an one side and down the other. As a his cowlick. He twisted uncomfort- Get Through College Without Even couple of elbows clipped my chin, and inferiority complex. matter out what ably in the chair and stretched, put- Trying." Now here is a gem-a real problem we talk of fact, if you figure "Now, about, let me know. ting his hands behind his head. He 1. Bring the professor newspaper ~~:e~hem~nc':~~e~t;i~i!y-;;;I~~~d:l~:Su~~ kid, gung-ho or getting into trouble. whel'e is my towel?" ., stiffened suddenly on hee i-ing his clippings dealing with his subject. sweep me back with them. I tried Just for variety let's throw in a where you left it." fathers footsteps on the stairs. If you don't find clippings dealing again, but the pressure staggered me southern belle-s-complete with long "Probably it must be lost. Wait and "Then The older man walked into the with his subject, bring in clippings at back to the rows of boxes, and I was hair, accent and a little scatterbrain- I'll go down with you. And to atl of room. He was dressed in the umrom. random. He thinks everything deals pinned there; helpless, hopeless . ed. You may take advantage of her you a good night." of an Army officer. The boy recog- with his subject. with impending ~isaster coming at so I won't go any further with my mzed the business-like expression on 2. Look alert. Take notes eager- me in the form of what looked like a description. his father's face. A flood of great ly. If j'OU look at your watch, don't thousand barbed-keys all pointing There is one in every group-the respect gushed through him as he sat stare at it unbelievingly and shake it. straight at Illy body. superiority complex kid. She's good LETTERS there, trying to look indifferent. The 3. Nod frequently and murmur Arms shot past my head, and I looking but you don't date her unless man was very youthful and looked "How true." To you, this seems ex- heard boxes open and close all around you have an oil well out back. She To The hke an exaggerated copy of his son. aggerated. To him, it's quite objec- me. illy nose was brush-burned by a has high goals-like protective homes EDITOR He walked across the room and sat tive. box door swinging ppen, and I instant- for ostracized ants. on the edge of a table facing his son. 4. Sit in front, near him. {Ap- ly pulled away only to fall right into Trying to write and listen to rec- "Well, 'Maestro', this is it." plies only if you intend to stay the line of fire of a cooed's protruding orde while sunning at the Riviera- To the Editor of the GOLDBUG: "Yeah, I guess so." awake.) key and arm thrust, which caught me I have a sun lamp. Let's see if I put We would like to take this oppor- "You'll be in charge here while I'm 5. Laugh at his jokes. You can right in my left ear. I screamed and the ash tray here-move the lamp to congratulate Joy Keller- on gone. Take care of your mother and tell, if he looks up from his notes pulled my arm up to relieve the pain- there-ah, the perfect place. I should the sbe has won-that of be- sister." and smiles expectantly, he has told a ful intruder in my ear, just as two have a lovely tan on my right knee coming one of Ctasnour magazine's. "Sure, Dad." joke. characters with boxes on the bottom cap. Well, anyway, you've met the Ten Best-Dressed College Women "See that your mother takes care 6. Ask for outside reading. You rows knifed their weapons through characters and the script which goes Not only is this a great achievement of herself. Don't let her get run- don't have to read it. Just ask for it. some of my lower extremities (pants). with the title------don't criticize-read for her personally, but she: has brought down." 7. If you must sleep, arrange to Another arm shot! through with its fJl" enjoyment. fame to her college as well. It is not "Sure thing, Dad. I'll watch her. be called at the end of the hour. It missile guided toward my throat. I Twelve o'clock: Noisy room looking often that Western Maryland receives Don't worry about a thing. creates an unfavorable impression if dropped to my knees and doubled up like an opium den. The group's all nation-wide recognition in such a "And your sister-she may be Iour the I'est of the class has left and you on the floor. I was kicked quite a there really pleasant way. Be sure to buy yeal'S older tlmn you, but in some sit thel'e alone, dozing. bit, but that was llothing because "'Whooie! I'm getting married." your August issue of Gla1nonr! ways ... Anyway, speak to her if 8. Be sure the book you read dur- faith had been restored in me and I "Not if you don't take off my blue The assembly on Monday, in OUl" es- she starts going Qut with the wrong ing the lecture looks like a book from knew I could survive. And I did. skirt and hang it up." timation, did much to promote that kind of guy," the course. If you do math in psy- It's something to think about. "Hey, kid'3, I've got an idea. Let's intangible something called school "Don't worry, D~.d, Mart's ok. chology class and psychology in math Why was I submitted as the untalent- throw wads of soaked tissue at those spirit. The bond between the faculty And she's smart. She sknows a good class, match the books fOI" size and ed part of a knife-throwing act for weird freshmen's rooms." and the student body was strengthen- guy from a bad guy. But don't color. ten minutes that morning? After "Sure, go ahead and then whcn the ed in their mutual enjoyment of a worry, I'll keep my eyes open." 9. Ask any questions you think he long and tedious deliberation, I have dorm president comes up, leave me worthwhlle purpose. We hope that "And take care of yourself, son." can answer. Conversely, avoid an- come up with only one solution. here writing a letter. Hey, not all this idea of doing good for others "Sure, sure and listen you'll only nouncing that you have found the Although most of us don't realize of the spaghetti-leave me some. I and having a good time in the process be gone fOI"a year, not forever." answer to a question he couldn't it, Mr. Foutz and his contemporaries can't figure out why I don't sleep any- will have its lasting effects, and per- "A year's a long time." answer, and in your younger brother'S in the post office take a great delight more at night." haps set a precedent for getting body so they "Yeah, I gues3 so. But don't second readel' at that. in foiling the student They only open "Dave---somebody mention Dave. things done in the futUre. can't get theil' mail. worry, I'll take care of everything. 10. Call attention to his writing. I've got a date with him tomorrow Bev Schott Don't worry, Dad. Like I said, every- Produces an exquisitely pleasant ex- their doors for a pcriod of ten min- night. Can 1 have a cookie? I only Carole Anderson thing's going to be o. k." perience connected with you. If you utes every morning, and it is the task want a few. Thanks, nine for me April 23, 1957 of every sharp-witted college student "0. k., son, I'm depending on you, know he's written a book or an arti- to get in there and get that mail be- and nine for my rQommate." and I know you'll do jLlSt fine." cle, ask in class if he wrote it. fore the mean old people who run the "Hang up the skirt." Now you all A Laugh Or Two.... These suggestions, incidentally, "Here's the water. "SEre." bookstore can destroy it. For those were put down by a professor, Robert roll up the tissues and throw them. "I'll have -to be leavng soon, I Tyson of Hunter College. (ACP) who don't make it, there are the lit- I'm going to bed." ROTC Student: "1 haven't a llencil guess." tle windows on the side of Old Main "\Vhat's this?" or paper for the exam." "Guess so. Say, Dad, do you mind "Sul'e, Dad, take care of yourself. that they can look through as :Mr. "'Vhat's what?" Sergeant: "What would you think a soldier if I don't hang around 'til the bst I'll write." Foutz throws their letters, one by "This." of without a gun?" who went into battie minute? Some of the guys are going "\Vell, goodbye, Dad." one, into a flaming inferno in the back "\\'hat is this-the Florida room?" to pIny a game at the C.C. Field, and "SUI'e, I'll appreciate it." of the post office. They are consider- "How long is that bed going to ROTC Student: "I'd think he was I'd like to go. Maybe I'll get a chance "Goodbye, son." ing adding another course to the stay in here?" an officer." (ACP) to play. If yQU don't mind, I'll s:-ty The boy turned and walked out of cUlTiculum here Postal Procedure "That's where I -sleep." He (at the movies): "Can you se~ my so long now." the door. Once utside he grabbed 101. Also Mr. Foutz will be teach- "Got any food?" alll"ight?" "That's o. 1;:. by me, son." his bike and pedaled hard clown the ing next year. sign up for Proper «H~re are some cookies." She: "Yes." The boy rose simultaneously with street. He drove tow?rd the woods. Methods of Mail Burning 315. "Anyone want any milk?" He: "Is there a draft on you?" hisfathel". Soon the traveling became too Those wishing to this a?·ticl" "Can't nfford it." She: "No." "'Veil, son." so he dismounted and, leaving please contact Mr. penonally "Those records are the He: "Seat comfortable?" "Well, Dad." bike, walked slowly and then faster in accal'dance with his desire to elim- mine." She: "Yes." They sook hands silently. into the woods. He stopped finally. inate postal popula)-ity and protect "Guess who broke up?" He: "Mind changing places?" "Hope the game goes o. k, son." Leaning against a tree, he cried. his health.-Ed. "Wanta coke?" (ACP)