Page 34 - TheGoldBug1954-55

2 K A Modern Day fable: Adventures Of Poetry Descends E E Fafner,-The Maltreated Loud Hound From Parnassus P P By George A. Gipe It is indeed a sad day in the Fourth Estate II 0 Once there was this dog named Fafner \\'ho vously dropped what he was doing, leaped out when a feature editor ceases to be an editor and about the picket instead, much to the chargrin of his reading the open window (forgetting engaged the sharp fence below), and promptly NS belonged to a family of deaf-mutes. To be exact, end of a picket in the area Immediately under public, vainly assumes the role of the contri- On college campuses butor. and college news- mute. So it deaf and totally they were nearly becomes even more G T ,the house, Fafner a burglar began to lurk about his tail. Thus Mr. Bergerburger's money was papers this state of affairs of two considerations. was that whenev~ deplor-able in the light saved and he was even able to pawn the burg- would have to bark super One, of course, is the fact that literati who are E loud to make his owners get the point. He finally Jar's safecracking equipment the next day for much more accomplished abound behind every $127.49. became so proficient that he could break punch D bowls with his high-pitched yelp. This necesst. Moral: Dogs should do what wa. tell them. shrub. The other is the unfortunate situation level of the sub- which finds the interpretative purchaslnjj dishes, tated the deaf-mute family's windows, and reading spectacles made of plastic scribers on a·higher plane than the philosophical the author level of the poem. This means that -but, they considered, Fafner was worth his Y(;?steryc;ar to the abstruse W reck-reation ;:e~~i~tii::~l:i~i~:lt ~:::~i:g~.Jass, when it came can have no hope of subscribing to exonerate his an effort and metaphysical,in If you had $103, would you deliberately tear The family's only means of support, it seems, Serious Problems intentions. the bills in small shreds and toss them to the was the job the father had in a girlie show So it is that the following poem is presented wind? chorus line. Well, one day an extra alert young Posed byMaryland with two aims in mind. First, let it illustrate the , Not likely, unless you are deficient in grey man in the front row reported dear old Dad fucility with which one may break into print matter or you happen to be a millionaire. Even and his employment ceased. "You were the best FIWi\I THE GOLD BUG OF OCTOBER2.j, 1940. around here. Second, let it prove a longstanding then, it would be a dangerous indulgence, since chorus girl I've ever had, Henry," the manager conviction of the author that anyone can write it is a federal offense to deface money. moaned, "but I've got to let you go." Henry leIt A week bdore the University of Maryland poetry, especially if he is drunk, insane, pover-ty- If you spent the $103 to recover a pool table and a week later, to secure funds, the deaf mutes game, each year, it becomes necessary for stu- stricken, or in love at the time of composition. and buy new equipment for it, wouldn't you be parted with FaIner. The offer of three dollars dents at Western Maryland to place guards lt will be remembered that Edgar Allan Poe was (since we can- all foul· of these, or at least three a hit careful in your treatment of it? in cash plush leftovers from an old 'I'hanksgiv, around the outskirts of the campus, to barricade not document any degree of inebriation), when "Sure!" you say. "That money came out of my ing turkey was too much to pass up. all entrances to the campus, and to stop all cars he composed The Raven, 1845. own pocket." FaIner departed. and question all suspicious persons. Recently, the pool table in the Reo Hall has The dog's new owner, a mean sort of cuss These preventive measures ere' undertaken in SNOW been recovered and with the new equipment named Avery Bergerburgor, was immediately order to protect our campus from desecration by Bleak a1zd cold is snow, purchased the bill totaled $103.50: Don't fool concerned with Fafner's screeching vocal aero- a few students at the rival institution who con- Rut yet it casts an innel· glow yourself. That money i8 coming r'ight Old.of your batics. "How," he gasped, with hands over ears, sider it great to splash our buildings, pavements, Much. Uke a statue-gelid to the touch: own pocket. "am r ever going to get that blasted hound's and stadium, with red paint. We, at the college, Mere 1"ock-hm·d, cold, you know. The Rec Hall fund is $138, according to SGA bark down to 20,000 dectbels t'' prefer to settle our differences on the gridiron. Still we see in sculpture much from de- We agreed three years ago to refrain figures. Subtract $103.50 and the pot is nearly structive retaliation and, to our knowledge, this Which, though. gelid to the touch, bare. BergerbUrger" :~:~:~~:me:~::thing. f First he agreement has not been broken. It is too bad that Too, casts au inner glow-like mow. It's expensive to maintain a wreek-reatlon would slap the dog each time it barked. Next he mature students at an institution of higher hall. tried viciously kicking the area immediately learning to have to resort to such childish Whcrc is the beauty? 18 it in the white,1 No one maliciously destroys property, unless under Fafner's tail. When this failed-even pranks. Cicar eI"jJstals, which. to the human s-ight he has a warped mind. It's those "little acci- with spiked shoes-c-Bergerbur-ger frantically We don't for one moment believe that more Tran.sfortn the earth. (whe1·e once black dirt had been) dents" which run up the repair bill. poured acqua regia in the hound's mouth. than a small minority of Maryland students par- And cloak our frailties iike: the black of night! Be careful. Don't lay y?~r cigarettes on the: Still no results. ticipate in these night raids nor do we believe GI,vers with its innocence multitttde8 of 8in? edge of the pool table. A httle hole from one of It was not until six months later that Avery that this section is sanctioned by the student Possibly, we say, but in the raUCOU8din the sparks can mean disaster to the cover if a discovered the correct formula. When F'afnei- body. But is it not significant that the Univer- Of daily lif_p088ibly we merely see th-e p'U'rity cue stick accidentally noses its way into that barked, he would quickly slap the dog five times, sity is the only athletic rival with whom we have in white. hole during an exciting momznt of the game. this trouble? kick it in the mouth, and pour acqua regia on \yILLIAM F. MUHLENFELD Cue sticks can be fragile things at times, too, the area immediately under its tail. For many years the football teams of the two so handle them carefully. Remember there's Fafner succumbed. schools have met each other annually on the only $34.50 left. in the Rec Hall fund and the gridiron. The contest has always been character- Reply To Science pool table isn't the only object in the Rec Hall Naturally there came a time not too many d that must be kept in condition. m~ons later when an honest-to-goodness burglar :~l:O~Yb::hecf~~~. ~~~~t~:at:~h!~da~hda:l::; r~;:i~ Arnold Chapin is a former midshipmen of the Have fun, but be careful. Carelessness costs. pr-ied into the Bergerburger home. He wasn't cannot live up to the sportsmanship of their United States Naval Academy who chose to Recreate but don't wreck-reate. !~~~:~g h~:~ fii~~:haeza~~:~I:i;h;~SS~;d'ri:~tlu~~. uam? abandon ship in midstream and comple_te h_is education at Western Mal·yland. There is some What Is A College? :;:::~ ::~ ~~~~e:,::~eW~~:in~a;n h!~e ::~: oI;e*r*~~~tef:~I::::~ l:~::e!~~::;s ;i~~;·o~t:~ ~~ merit in this, for although the Naval Academy has no peer in the fields of stream and marine trouble sleeping since receiving a particularly is unlikely that the Maryland undergraduates e!lgineering, even the most ardent supporter of A college, Webster's dictionary states, is (1) large overdose of acqua regilon the,area im- were incapable of living up to the sportsmanship the Tars must admit that the rigid routine and "a body of persons having· common interests or mediately under his tail) but he had been of their team. Seconq, it is equally unlikely that ironclad discipline at the Academy oIfers little corporate function~," and (2) "a society of taught by the school of hard knocks not to the above dragnet was actually thrown up impetus to the development of what literary scholars incorporated for study or instruction, bark, and not bark he would, that is wouldn't! al'ound the campus to protect the property and trlents one may possess. esp. in the higher branches of knowledge. ." Opens Safe PE-rSOnof the students. But one thing is sure: Below Mr. Chapin presents what must be re- Further, Mr. Webster says that in English this problem, at least with reference to the Uni- The prowler dexterously opened the safe and slang a college is "a prison." was inspecting the loot when he heard soft, H'rsity of Maryland, no longer exists---EDITOR. garded as a head-on collision between objectiv- ity stu- Perhaps ami subjectivity. psychology The first definition-"a body ot persons hav- husky breathing somewhere in the room, which, dents will fiud some interest in his 1'.pproach, ing com_moninterests ... "-is usually applied of course, was Fafner. "It must be 11 human," WoW. II Objectors . Ior the possibility exists that it presents a pic- to the term in the sense of an electoral college. the safecracker reasoned. "Because a dog would ture of a naval mind in the process of conver- • But it can be equally valid for an institution of certainly bark. I can take care of some mutt, The Dl·aft Bill has gone into effect; and with Shln at the hands of Methodist philosor,her~. At higher learning. It can be true for ·Western but not some little old lady standing there in it comes a wave of emotion to support the aTmy any rate, mathematics is dealt a blow by Chapin, Maryland. the darkness with a shotgun!" So the crook ner- and to do one's duty to one's country. the likes of which science has not suffered since General student attitude here favors the William Jennings Bryt