Page 38 - TheGoldBug1954-55

K A New Solution For George Gipe, BUG Cartoonist, Author, E; Habitual Alcoholics E If you cannot refrain from drinking, start a Also Dramatist, Talented Contributor By William L. Tribby P P saloon in your own home. Be the only customer George A. Gipe springs from a long line of by song, not vice versa; and a satire on TV's Give and you will not have a buy a license. I 0 your wife $12 and let her buy a gallon of whis- ideas. Individual ideas. "Medic" for this year's PILn-Hellenic week-end. are 123 shots in a gallon. Buy all key. There NS your shots from your w_ife at forty cents a this campus in the form of forty-two articles Now, a candidate for honors in the English apology, thrust He has, without himself onto a one-act farce, The he has written department, and Dramatic Gra.nny Knot which the English G T shot. In foul' days when the gallon is gone, your and thirty-seven GAG cartoons in the GOLD Art departments are confidently placing on the BUG. He does this in such a way that within a wife will have $3\'1.20,which can be put in the E bank, and $12 with which to buy another gallon few minutes after that publication is placed same March 18th bill with a play which has won the Johns Hopkins and Television Award, under dormitory doors, the second page has been of whiskey. by Paul Green. with a tragedy D If you live ten years, and buy all the booze segregated I as to "This is Gipe" and "This Students of English composition soon learn isn't." from your wife, then die with snakes on your that a writer, no matter how modest or with- public has made "Gipe" some- This student belly, she will have $35,750.40 on deposit. This what of a byword-for humor-c-aedistic and en- drawn, must have at least one reader in mind The Root Of The Problem is enough to buy a respectable funeral, a nice joyable. He has written skits for such as last when he composes a wor-k. If brought to the up the children, buy a home tombstone, bring confession bench, George would confide that, a and lot, marry a decent guy, and forget she eve] year's Polio Drive (the dining hall burlesque); few months ago, he had a faint hope, a very which Follies (RolUng in the Isles), pe;t~~e:t1~:~I~:!iO:nht~:~~:;~s,it~u:Y::m:~ knew you! the Junior to the audience a plot supplemented faint hope, that the one-act play upon which presented how attention hasn't been directed to the base (H~printed from the Fin, Riwr, ~!.o., J"ur"~I.) he was working might be approved by Dr. problem. Hendren, possibly would be read by Miss Esther of Banning fraternity sponsorship bever-ages Solar Antics, Tools Of Destruction Smith, and most improbably would find itself off- campus parties at which alcoholic among the 1955 Junior plays at WMC. Fan From Abroad are served may be all well and good. The col- George is now in the process of unfolding lege must hold up its tradition that "prohibits on In The Atomi~ Age--A Short Story .into reality. It's a difficult maneuver, for he's a the possession or 'use of alcoholic beverages the campus or being under the influence of By A 1'1Wld Chapin writer who needs the explicit confidence of oth- ers whom he respects. he has seen Previously, them at any time". some of his articles and cartoons reprinted in Since Western Maryland is affiliated with The steady hum of the six turbo-drive fuel head, only two would remain on the chessboard other newspapers; he has even attracted notice a church that frowns on drinking, the presi- pumps and the subdued ticking of the inter- for the entire trip. Beta Y would be replaced by abroad from some obscure fan who wrote him '-dent was not only right in forbidding the spon- vnlometer- were the only sound within the Beta W in 28 minutes and Ouostoa would re- how correct scr ship of such parties by college organizations, hurtling shell of the D08Ved(ma. Four gyro- place Dina in 41; each making a predetermined re-interpretation he'd been in describing the biased by the Communists of folk but it was his duty to do so. scopes spun on jeweled bearings, swishing patch across the cells. These were the shell's legends. Don't get us wrong. We're not against drink- softly. No rush OJ' scream of ail' over the shiny only sources of command. Infallible sources- George cannot help but be aware of his audi- ing peT 86. It's when the alcohol in a student enamel surface gave voice to the terrific speed not man-made, but bad-made. Sources for the de- ence on this campus-there are those who read causes him to destroy property or act in a of the ramjet exhaust gave vent to the shell's struction of a nation. him avidly, and those others who avoid him rowdy manner to the disturbance of the fellows muster but a sigh. Only the crackl'ing thunder At 1:32 the shell crossed the date line and (usually through difficulty in understanding in his dorm who may want to sleep or study that of the ramjet exhaust gave vent to the shell's Monday the 8th became Sunday the 7th. him). He already exhibits the often-basic ear- it becomes objectionable. energy-but that was left far in the distance at Several minutes later, over Eugene, Washing- mark of an artist-he rereads his work, sees The problem is .not. prevelant among the three times the speed of sound. ton, Beta Y was replaced by Beta Wand only the flaws, and revises. A great deal of the, women for the simple reason that rules and Five minutes ago the Doeoedcnc was a reality three star-points remained on the board: Beta material which he re-inspects leaves him limp- regulations exercise a control over their activi- to people. She had the look of a proud, red, W, the pole star and the minute Ocostos. At that ties and behavior. The lark of this control is majestic and dangerous lady cradled upright point another course change of 3.10 South was partly what is wrong with Western Maryland with the caressing steel fingers of her launching made and the shell hurtled on. The turbo-pumps men. platform. Then, with a roaring blast, bathing hummed and the tntervatometer ticked impa- That brings us to the base problem which the frozen ground in brilliancy, she flung herself tiently, slowly absorbing the seconds. Only the should have been tackled first. The men need into the night swiftly disappearing to become stars were witness. discipline. another pin point of light among the stars. Over Omaha, Nebraska, another course change By discipline we don't necessarily mean Forty seconds later the two booster rockets of 2' south was effected and Beta W left the strict closing hours and locked doors in the dropped off and she was alone. Outward and board. dorms at night. However, some mature person westward bound-a phantom of swift destruc., Several seconds later the intervalometer whom the men respect and will obey should be tion. tripped the time level' and the servo-ermer was ill charge of each dormitory. The Dean of Men Invincible Mlssle connected to the secondary generator. can't possibly be in all the dorms at once. To her designers she was invincible; the most Unexpected Event efficient war machine and the most destructive The Pole Star crossed into cell 18. The Box single implement jet devised by man. There relayed an impulse to the main rotor of a small THE GOLD BUG were no counter measures against her. can ef- error. The AC error changed to DC in the recti- "No efforts fier and the desired altitude change was effected. amount ot electronic jamming fect her", they had said, "and nothing could The analyzer reported to the box: Ouostos on 12. I_e,pub Nanmbe!' January, February, March interrupt her at that speed. She is as irrevocable Pole Star centered on 18. All conditions in order monthl,.- dutlna- September, December. .. oeeond ela .. matter at W... tmlnAter as a fired rifle bullet; you cannot call her back." and on sequence . die Act ot March 8. 1819. Five prism-directed points of star-light moved Suddenly there was a glimmer on cell 12 and Member imperceptibly over the photo-electric chessboard then blackness, Ouostoa had disappeared! Im- "Why did I write that?" He also discovers some Associated Collegiate Press of syncronized glass squares. Five sets of im- mediately the Box was informed of a dead cell. of value, and stores them in an expanding file. Heretofore, he has been most often viewed in Subscription Price $2.00 a Year pulses were cyclically relayed to the Box. in dark- Auxiliary cell 3 was cut in but no response was the cult of "slobs," such as the creation of the made. The box relayed Far below Shantar conditions all existing Isle slid away EDITORIAL STAFF ness. Directly over Petropavlosk the glass board to the analyzer. All lights on the panel board follies' islan{'t king, and names like POoChy Editor_in_Chlet_. _.. .... KRy Mebl. 56 registered Agstro on cell 14, Oina on 42, Beta Y blazed. The generator rose in pitch as the re- M.na~inlr Editor .._._. . _...__...... _..Les Wern ..r, '66 Gluta. Those of us who have been here for two New. Edlto", ... _ Nancy wmn, '58 on 61; the pole star on 26 and Audicmeda on ports were jilted into place. years have difficulty in forgetting the take-off Violet Fonner, '58 Feature Edltor __ .. ...__.._._._William Mublenfeld. '57 34. Slowly Agstro crossed the line .....to cell 32. The answer came quickly. The stars do not on biology and ROTC lecture notes. Nor can we S(>OrtoEdltor_ ...:..._._ ..... ....._ ... _ ... Dav.. Bailey, '57 Instantly the switch closed and the Box relayed err. Keep course. Inter-valometer time value 34 New. F....ture EditoTll ._ _ _Pat Richter, '57 erase the much-discussed 1, The SILnta Claus, Fin ?debl. '58 the information to the intervalometer. seconds. which, admittedly, went a bit too far to the Cartoonlat ... ._.._.__ ._._._.Georll'e Glpe. '56 1')'plnll' .. ._. . Dot Snyder, '(;7 The answer flashed back: Circuit correct. On The Box began preparation. The fuel pumps' extreme ... Copy Edltor_. . . Nancy BAnk,., 'H Exe<:uUve Aul.tant ._. JeAn Knlbrnan. 5S time. Sequence as ordered. The circuits to the power was cut and the ramjet flame vanished. George is learning, which means that he's Photography .._. __ .__._. ._..__......_.Mrs. Essoin servo-motors closed and the rectifier coupled The ma~ accelerator in the warhead clicked making mistakes; but more significant than BUSINESS STAFF with the generator to change course. The gyros into place and the proximity fuse switch was Bu~;n..... MAna!l'er_ ..__ ~ .__ ...... _. Dob Cruoh, '56 that, it means that he's building on these mis- Advertl.inlr ManR¥er .. .._... . Ear1e Finley, '57 typed to the new heading and continued whir- closed. The electrolyte broke out of its cylinder takes, and benefiting. For instance, upon seeing Clreulatlnn._._._ ....__ .. .._.._ ...._._.__Ron Wil"on, '57 plates thu's charging and the the battery ~'l