Page 50 - TheGoldBug1953-54

2 The Gold Bug, April 27, 1954 Extinct Beast Arriv,es For Follies Rehearsals LibcrtyGal Tireless Ruben Bird Completes 5,000 Mile Flight; InSpite OF Position To Appear In Juniors· Annual Production Fini. My ultimate desire had always been Optimists in Junior Follies' circles greeted the arrival of the celebrated Ruben Bird as a posi- With this issue, we bring to a to study abroad j but, the authorities tive omen of success for their May production. Preparations are being made to install him in the elip- close our "Report on the Dormi- expressed a certain stipulation; in or- tical tower atop Albert Norman Ward Hall as he can't stand rooms with corners. tories" series. der to qualify, I must do "research in Ruben, a native of French Morocco, is the most famous (famousest) three-footed bird alive. Since February 23, when the series a field never-before-expounded." Jim Smith, Bird Chairman for the Follies' Committee, yesterday prepared an extensive list of began, we've heard quite a few com, In desperation, I began chewing Ruben's capabilities. He is able to fly upside-down and sideways at the same time, stick his neck out ments, pro and con, about our ar- musty calendars off the barroom walls ticles, about the GOLD BUG, and in reverse chronological order~'77, about the dormitories. '69, '03-1789. Supply and consump- As we said in "Views" back in Feb- tion halted as the nude walls began ruary, we think the articles are im- whirling in a blushing can-can .... portant because the lives of most stu- I dreamed I was clomping around ,1Ients here are centered, for nine Paris in the dim lights and "Chan- months of the year, around the dorm- eled" odors with a three-cornered hat, itories they live in. We still hope some my hand stuck impressively in my good will come of these articles. vest, my 99-proof throat screaming muttering, and "Josephine!", more Here is the way the series of incoherently, "Llber Cuba Libre-c- five articles stacks up: Old Ward no-c-Liberace ... uh Libe-rUI" is undoubtedly at the bottom of the livability ladder. Facilities How Came She By that Light? in that ancient pile are primitive ."Liberte! Why, of course! That's and inadequate, but most nos- it!-my theme for research-I'll ask talgic. McKinstry is a little bet- that dame about her arm!" ter, but is continually damaged I reeled out of the dens of thieves by periodic Vandal raids-usu- and retired politicians, struggled ally inside jobs. down to the waterfront, into climbed gray a and gazed pedestal, the The girls in McDaniel have it French face of ... a female. pretty good, it seems, but the "Miss Liberty," I whimpered eheep- chief need there is for regular, ishly, "Would you submit to a few inexpensive repairs, rather than questions, so I can record the re- occasional, costly jobs. search, and go abroad 1" Veritable paradises' are the "vl'he citizens of each State shall penthouse apartments in the be entitled to, all privileges and irn- "high-rent districts" of Albert munities of citizens of the several Norman and Blanche Ward. States.' Proceed, boy." Newer, cleaner, and more iso- "Well, all of a sudden it came to lated, few necessary .comforts me-the theme for my thesis: 'Why seem to be lacking there. Does Liberty Hold Her Right Arm Up So livability in WMC's dorms ran- All the Time? An Exhaustive Study ges from very bad to quite good. On by a Foremost Authority.' Now, I the whole, the women's dorms seem know you've. got a torch to hold; but, to be better and more comfortable confidentially, isn't there an unmen- than the men's. Characteristics of tionable, uh, discre'et reason?" Western Maryland's dormitories, we "'The right of the people to keep understand, 'are about the same in and bear arms shall not be infringed' other colleges of our size in this area, -but, I'll tell you this much. Some with, perhaps, the worst just a little McCarthy guy from the Sour Cream worse and the best just a little bet- district was just given a razor blade ter. factory. Now, a couple of years ago, The brightest spot in the whole pie, minks, were most acceptable-but, he's ture, of course, is the proposed new been trying out this latest' product on men's dorm here. The main question my underarm. That's one reason for about this, naturalIy, is, "When?". the extended appendage. I can't let We don't know. We doubt if anyone my arm down for fear of being knows for sure. Plans have been "on scalped." the drawing board" since the lee Age, Rusty, Immigrating Gates it seems. The present poliey shapes "But, Miss Lib, I thought, maybe up as one of spending less money for ... oh, but this is too personal." repairs in some of the existing dorms, "'Nor shall any person be subject TO STAR because of the proposed new one. So, for the same offense to be twice put Alumni Hall. IN FOLLIES-Ruben Bird, takmted wingswr, will ezhibit his abilities UJ WMC's student body May 7 in But, in jeopardy of life or limb!' all we can do is wait, and hope, and before you go further, would you wonder ... scratch my back? I can't let go of farther than most WMC instructors and digest "mounds of joy" with practically no signs of heart- It looks to us as if our "Re- anything." burn. He can also tap dance, do card tricks, juggle, and imitate bird and man calls. port on the Dormitories" series Until May 7, the date of the Follies, Ruben will exercise and rest in the biology lab and be avail- has at least proven this: dorm A slight, purring sigh followed. able for interviews from interested students. There will be some difficulty in this respect as he does life (as far as facilities go) "Sorry, Lib, but, the deadline for not speak English, of course, but French. could be much worse in some this paper is as close as a Puerto Ruben's career started in 1947 when he appeared on a talent show in New York, singing and cases, and could be a lot better Rican to his gun-I gotta know. Back accompanying himself on the clarinet. He came in second. in others. in those days, they weren't used to Because of the strict rules, however, against having birds on the stage of Alumni Hall, Ruben mean, evening gowns-I strapless when they welded that one on you- will be forced to be disguised as a person. . and I wondered if, well, maybe your Is~~ sq,ql 'Bug' elastic around the shoulders was REPORT ON THE DORMITORIES-NO. 5 ~ sorta worn out, and too loose, and you had a dignity to uphold as well as nche Ward Shelters Girls The last issue of the GOLD maintaining a certain enticing allure by Harriett C:'1f BUG this semester will be May for ·immigrants." ' B I I T , SGA Secretary 18, and will feature complete "'No person shall be held to an- th In ug ess vory ower May Day is the big thing for the Commencement news, and exam swer ... '-and that, son, is the W?m.n'. Council of tho SGA around schedules. Next fall, the first first seven measures of an all-time this time of year. All plans are made issue of the paper will be Sep- hit----Symphony #5, by U. S. Con- by Pa8ty Herman is piped into each ascending floor. through this group of the Cabinet, tember 21. gress (1789)." (Last r: s:::r:i;e;1)6 ~:~ ~tu~~:~:' ~~e!h;~~~Jet~~. ::;e '1~1 "Besides, deodorant is scrta scarce artWl6S ~~t ~a~~~ ~:7I~~~~,e:!~rSisfr~:a~; delegation For these days, isn't it, miss ... 7" ?tulking tiP a "Report on the Dormi.. obtainable at a later hour on the up. Morgan the State men-a College visited from per floors. the tories" at Western Maryland.) Pads Seventy-Year THE GOLD BUG Six pairs of uniformed arms g-rab- As a fitting conclusion to this series of the inconveniences of such a dorm. campus on Saturday, April 24. They It seems almost unfair to complain observed the workings of the Men's Blanche Ward Hall is the of articles, ,~~d ;~h n:~k;;I::P;'O~t!~~bO:~d 10;~: center of attention this week. Minor problems exist, such as the Do~m Councils to try to get ideas for belched five blobs of smoke; someone Insofar as the conditions of the need for larger closets on the fourth their own. recited Article I, Section 9, Part 5 rooms, plumbing, and other facilities, floor, painting needed in some rooms, The whole cabinet would like to as an obituary. I was going abroad- I would say that this dorm is a ver- and stoves for the kitchens. Some. thank the administration for the with a duty-free export and a one- itable paradise. There are undoubt- much-needed repair of Carpe Diem, Member way ticket----past an upraised arm. edly fewer complaints from Blanche "'omen's Council President Herman, and request that all students please A .. ocllted (oil_gilt. Press I never published that original dis· Ward's residents than from any other from \Vashington, D. C., is a "four· take notice of onc of the many good sertation. Instead, the boat's .capt~i~ group. year" woman in· Blanche 'Varo. Pasty things happening here. (For further Subeeription Priee $2.00 a Year info. see page 4.) gave me an Employment Qualificatlon The elevator, lanndry rooms, and is well-known on campus as a Trum. The New Freshman Advisory Coun· Exam. Passing this, I peeled potatoes kitchens are perhaps the largest peter, a member of Phi Alpha Mil, cil has been formed, and Bill Tribby across the Atlantic--collecting enough drawing cards for Blanche Ward. and Patron Ad Manager for the 1954 and Charlotte Davis have been elected hourly pay to finance a year's blow- Also, the proximity of the women's ALOHA). as co-chairmen. 'Ve ,vish them luck out in Paris, and a four·minute joy gymnasium is a strong selling point. in their work with the class of '58. ride on an Alsatian ant-eater. Minor conveniences include such times, repair of the elevator, plumb· Henry Taitt, SGA president for All the time working on my revised' things as adequate wall sockets for ing, or lights is slow in coming, but thesis, I finally brought it into ,the electrical appliances, large rooms, this is generally because it is not 1954·55 has received an answer to his letter published previously concerning odorous caress of tne gagging, chlor- good furniture, and the absence of reported to Mr:s. Veale as soon as it BUSINESS STAFF powers and duties of the Student Busino>a" managu __ .1im Yaman. '55 ophyll·obsessed word: "How to Elim· mice, rats, and cockroaches. happens. Government. (A fuIler account ap. Advertil<;ng manager---.Hugh H<>well.·!iS inate Underarm Vapors in One Les· The heating system here provides On the whole, then, I consider the Ex.hang .... nd cirenlation_Cralg Schmall, '65 pears elsewhere in this issue.) son." The lesson? "Hold arms ver- ample heat for all except the most residents of Blanche Ward to be CONTRmUTORS Fran Chirlohillo. Ann Ma.kert, Molly Har. tically above head for twenty-four extremely cold weather. At these extremely lucky. Life generally goes DEADLINE FOR NEXT ISSUE gett, Earl Finley. Pat Ri.tor. lI.a8'3 Baum. hours each day-and 'let the soft times, the lower floors are warmer pretty smoothly in the dorm. It is COpy 101',.". Eaoom. Dick Shenton. Dot Snider, Gloria Hodg"". Qr~Z'i!~ DIQw,''' than the upper floors because the heat (can't an p." coL 4) MAY 12