Page 10 - TheGoldBug1950-51

The Gold Bvg, Ocl. 17, 1950 Success Or Coach Wolrah- Pins'n Points Failure? Tepid, Clash ment rings on campus again: Ann "Have you ever been to the races?" There is the sparkle of new engage- Final By now, we are all aware that Football practice was progressing Van Order, '51 and Tom DeLong; is a question one freshman was asked of Weekend plans for the Homecoming recently. are now being drawn up by immediately Thinking Western Maryland is about to launch nicely, until Coach Wolrah spotted a Betty Litch, '52 and Norman Regan, horse races, his answer was "no". But, the SGA. With the cooperation of all itself on a mid-century improvement lone figure in gridiron apparel ambl- '51. reflecting a moment, he realized that the organizations assured, we expect campaign. ing toward the field. He swore softly Seems like the car owners on earn- at least twice daily he either observes tu make the weekend a gala affair. At Two reasons have been stated as to himself. "Suffering' catfish!' Can it pus have a secret cooperative agree- or participates in the races we have the present time, though plans are explanation for such an effort. be possible that that idiot still thinks ment about washing them. Did' you here at Western Maryland. practically a top secret; they will be L To improve college facilities, he is the answer to our football prob- notice the unanimous laundry day in During Orientation Week, he was revealed in the very near future. such as dormitories. lems.t" McKinstry parking lot? too busy in his own realm of adjust- At the SGA Assembly, elections 2. To provide a better education- For the steadily advancing fugitive ment to take notice of anything un> were held for the Homecoming Queen al program. from the music department was none There are big crowds of people hov- usual in the day's events. In fact, it and class officers. Congratulations are Alumni, parents, friends, hnd other than Tepid Terrence, all five ering around the Gamma Bet club- was only with the onslaught of upper- extended to the Mid-Century Queen, churchmen are all being enlisted in foot three, one hundred twenty pounds room these days. Their big Dew tele- classmen that he became acquainted Miss Barbara Pfcutz, and to all the this drive to place Western Maryland of him. In one hand he carried a vision set must be the attraction. with the college races, which he de- other candidates who were elected to on a firm footing as she heads for- manual entitled How To Play Foot- scribes as follows: their respective offices. Now that the ward rather than backward. In a re- ball in Ten EMY LesBons and in the Pep rallies have become increas- The players, about six hundred in elections are over, let us show our cent study, the college Who's Who dis- other a voluminous notebook. As he ingly interesting with the surprise en- number, gather in two groups, one at new representatives that we will co- covered that most of America's lead- drew nearer, the team sensed his pres- tertainment each week. Congratula- each end of the large stadium, which oper-ate with them in all their en- ers come from small colleges. There- ence, he used a most distinctive af- tions go to the squad for their work instead of being of the open-air sort, deevors. fore in order to keep up this good job, ter-shave lotion, although he won't in promoting school spirit and en- is completely enclosed, in order that During this assembly, the subject thusiasm. the small college must continue to im- need to shave for at least five more sports may be carried on during the was raised on the floor regarding the prove. years)', and steeled themselves for the winter. At the sound of a bell, gates possible increase in the quantity of At this point we know that all is not inevitable explosion. Coach Wolrah voice quivering with rage, "Caramba! swing- open, admitting all six hundred food served in the Dining Hall. Bob what it should be----and it is our fault. had never failed them yet, and his After last Saturday'S game, you'!?" at full gallop, from either end. This Langrall, who was later appointed co- How can Homecoming cease to be Horrible shudders racked the coach's particular race resembles a cross be- chairman of a student food commit- Homecoming if we keep its spirit in- reaction to the advent of Tepid would body at the thought of that game .. tween a steeplechase and musical tee, submitted several feasible pro- be second only to the eruption of Mt. tact? Are we going to be sidetracked Vesuvius. T.T. calmly surveyed the It was a perfect football day. The chairs, the latter being a game played posals designed to alleviate this situa- into a small issue and waste our en- scene, then approached the Terma- score was tied, and at the fourth down mostly by children. tion. The committee hopes to reach a ergy whining, or are we going to gant, and proceeded to tellih m just the ball was in our possession on The hordes hasten to form rectang- solution to this problem. wholeheartedly get to work and make what was wrong with the present B Gerb's forty-yard line. Tension ular groups, with four on each side Cooperative Spirit Praised Homecoming part of "a connected football tactics. mounted. The stands grew silent and- one at each end. Any person fail- The Student Government would like series of operations to bring about a waiting for the next play. Coach ing to reach a place in one group may to express once again its appreciation desired result"? "Now last night I concocted a few Wolrah paced up and down tearing dash to another, and if he is fortu- to the student body for the coopera- This is not being "commercial" or plays with which we can make a his hair. Suddenly, he decided to send nate enough to find more than one tive spirit they have demonstrated "political." It is realistically facing grand slam!" in TilE word to the quarterback. His empty station, by rules of the game this year. Thus far, the preliminary the fact that the time has come for Saying this, he opened his bat- glance swept over the bench-it was he may keep the extras for his drives to eliminate various safety haz- improvement. We are here on the Hill tered notebook and pointed to a page empty! The game had been rather friends. Thus, in an unbelievably ards and to help beautify 'our campus as students and students traditionally filled with diagrams, algebraic equa- rough in the opening quarters, and short time, most of the players are have been very successful. There has are staunch advocates of progress. tions, stick figures, and a reproduc- the casualty list was so complete the assembled, leaving the losers wander- also been an improvement in the dress tion of Dull's portrait of his wife. ing between the neat rows. This race for dinner. Let's keep up the good Tepid expounded at great lengths his thirteenth string was the on the Freshmen Read new hidden player theory and Statue field. Wait! The bench was not en. is the most popular of all, there being work. student complaint was Recently, for there on the far of Vensus play. Coach Wolrah ap- tirely deserted, Tepid, sound asleep. In so fe,,; 10:ers that~t is comparatively registered regarding the actions of end sprawled Bulletin Board pealed to the saints for aid, and had this moment of sheer desperation, easy to win. Next Race Is Run the gentlemen when the doors are would interfered, not Coach Snevah have methodically drawn and quar- wolrah summoned our hero to his opened to the Dining Hall. There is The purpose of the Old Main bulle- side. Since the coach did not trust The next race takes place within JlO necessity for rushi~g into the din. tin board is to keep everyone informed tered this pride of Podunk High's Tepid's memory, he gave him a slip of the individual rectangular groups ing room. If this practice continues, about what's happening on the Hill. tiddely-wink team. He counted to ten, paper with the word written on it. which, after a brief goading-on the danger involved is obvious. Last 'I'heretore, it could be assumed that one hundred, one thousand, then took Podunk's own felt his heart ewell speech by one who appears to be mas- summer, two girls from a group visit- everyone reads it. Yet, an interested a deep breath and whispered in a with pride as he realized that his was ter of ceremonies, poise themselves ing this college, were trampled under observer spending a fe"'; minutes near the honor of being carrier pigeon in for sudden and immediate activity. foot in this general rush into the din. the bulletin board watching the pass- this moment of crisis. He rammed his To begin this race no bell is neces- ing room. It could happen again. ers-by would note that the latter faU Wilber Upholds helmet on his head and ran onto the sary; a uniformed overseer merely Study Now! into distinct categories. throws into the center of the group First are the "serious seniors" who High Standards field, ready to do or die for the cause. all the necessary equipment, the most Due to the critical situation of the glance in its direction with an air of Tepid Salutes Coed important of which is a shiny instru- world today, we may have a tendency importance. \Vith a well-informed Now some people might get the idea A pretty girl in the stands waved to ment about seven inches long, having to grow lax in our study habits. It is to our advantage to seize every oppcr, manner, they imply that reading the that Wilber was not very smart, but him, and as Tepid raised his hand to a handle on one end and four prongs tunity to increase our knowledge. The notices is just another routine on that is not the case at all. In fact he return the salute, a gust of wind on the other. Now each contestant campus which after four short years was a rather intelligent fellow. It just snatched the paper and carried it to must hold the instrument by its han- realization of this fact will enable us has become rather matter-of-fact. happens to be that some of the courses the outer realms. Poor Tepid-just dle (and there are several techniques to face the future more intelligently. Force of habit makes them pause for here on the Hill are a little more diffi- his luck. When the quarterback de- employed in doing this, although two a split-second, and then they move cult than others, and it takes a longer manded the message, T.T. had to con- particular ones are dominant), spear noise, much like chewing. on, having read only the Humor. time for the pertinent facts to sink fess that he had lost the paper and an object in front of him, and see how When a contestant has disposed of Now the "jolly juniors" come swift- into the gray matter. Tbis having forgotten the all-important word. rapidly he can get this object to his all the material allotted to him, he ly by, hardly taking time to look in been said, let's get baek to Wilber. But, ". . it was either punt or mouth (this is done so successfully dashes out and caway ; this continues its direction. Their spare moments It seems that the poor misguided pass." An on-the-spot lynching was that in some cases a speed camera until one person is left, the loser of are much too precious to spend read- souls who set up that standard for avoided when Tepid, backing away would be necessary in order to catch that group. ing that expanse of notification. our liberal arts school decided, in one from the anger-crazed p Iaye J:..S , the action) . According to game regu- There is one very noticeable thing Here are the sophs who pay less of their weaker moments, that every- tripped over the forty-yard line and lations, everyone must keep in plain concerning this race-the same people attention than the others. This is very one should have some knowledge of almost knocked himself out. They sight the objects he has carried to his are the losers every time; once they easily explained-after all, who knows the physical sciences. Now Wilber, dragged him off the field, dazed and mouth. The most practical way of do- see that they cannot avoid being the more than a sophomore? However, sweet innocent that he was, let him-. bewildered, and continually babbling ing this is by talking, and by so do- last to leave, they give wa§ to poor when they do glance in its direction self be talked into taking a course punt or pass, sportsmanship, and not even trying and see the punishment list for fresh- called general physics. Please don't ing, everyone creates a chomping to continue the race among them. men, they beam at the tho1.jght of get the wrong impression. This course selves, finish the game in a poor, their authority. ~a=!~r:~r~h:n~e:aoi~s t~;S:u~hOth~~;: . f'r.l--\ i,{..a. 'f ;t 'I _ leisurely fashion. How is it then, that the notices as: English, Greek, advanced algebra, r The observing freshman, having have any readers? Who else remain come from a home in which the type but the ardent freshmen? They are plane geometry, solid geometry, trigo- of race we have here is practically the faithful admirers, the fervid nometry, analytical geometry, calcu- notice-readers. It does bring bad news Ius, differential equations, mechanical unknown, naturally did not succeed so:nctimes to a choscn fe--;, b~t just, drawing, and Free's astronomy. , immediately in winning recognition. think of all the pleasure It gives to (Please note that any resemblance to He is working hard at it, however, many. this list and that of the administra- even drilling himself in the necessary tion is purely accidental, unrehearsed, skills when he is in the dormitory. and a gross injustice to the subject And may he never cease aspiring to THE GOLD BUG under discussion.) However, Wilber, .... lege of being first out of the Dining of all goals, the privi- greatest that taking in- no heed of the dangers volved, walked into it with his eyes I ~ Hall. wide open. As luck would have it, everything Borrowed Bits we_st well for a time-the first few minutes of the first period. Then the ~ Member professor started asking questions. The DIAMONDBACK of Univer- Associ.t"d Collegiate Press Now, as said above, Wilber was fairly sity of Maryland featured an adver- intelligent, but it just never worked tisement for Lucky Strike cigarettes Subscription Price 1%.00 • Y.. r out that the instructor asked Wilber which is sponsoring a national jingle the question for which he knew the contest. All college students are elig- answer. One day the law of averages ible to enter by conforming with the EditQc_in_ChieL ..__ Naney Winkelman, '51 A••odatr .__ .._..... June Be..ver, '51 answer to one of the problems. After Featur~ Edit<>r. .. Jane Mcl..oeod, '53 his roommate had revived him from a piece of paper, or postcard, and send Sports Staff .._..__ J<>e Keenan, '51 it to Happy-Go-Lucky, P. O. Box 67, KeIth Radcliffe. '51 dead faint, they decided to celebrate, Bob Wilaon, 'U and went down to the Grille and im- New York 46, N. Y. Be sure your News Featu,"" F.-dit<>I"S__ ..Stan Bowl. bey. '52 name, college, and eddress are in- Kable. c.,py Edit<>L John Phil Haller, '53 '51 bibed a Coke. jo;xchan1(e Editor .Dotti" t..... Phillips, '51 Und so weiter 'as they say in Ger- cluded-and that they are legible." PhotolrrRphec ._._._...._._._AII ..n Alben. '53 man, or "and eo it went," to make a The prize is $25. BUSINESS STAFF Muhlenburg College at Allentown, Busin ..... Man ..gers_.... _Betty l-<>vela"", '51 long story longer. It was rugged all <:t1M1i£ ~ f"O,,< <:I,o-iJ;l[,~{~{'i-~O«. Larry Bailey, '51 right, but when the last bell rang and Pa., announces the bi-weekly broad- Advecti.ing Man ..geL BIll Rh""da, '51 casts of its local college radio station, Cireulation Man ..g.". •. .Peggy BroWll, '51 Wilber staggered from the examina- \ S AK(JCOf\"t(.t1) _j::iAt"l. hI'..; J..y Eggly, '51 tion room convinced that he would 'PAt~! '. WMUT. The studios located in the li- CONTRIBUTORS never be the same again, he was im· 0'(<' brary will have direct wiring to other pressed by the final words of the pro- buildings on the campus. In addition fessor, "You've done a fine job of to three hour broadcasts on \Vednes- keeping up the average in this de- day and Thursday nights a "Discs partment, young man. We've never and Data" program wiII be featured passed a student yet." from 12 :30 to 1 :30 on week days.