Page 18 - TheGoldBug1936-37

PAGE TWO The Old Mug, We5tern Maryland College, Westminster, Md. START YOUNG'S GOl Das Kapital SO ROSE THE RED Red Cereal Sf01'Y .4. New HOt IS GIVEN REVIEW -by- MARX Low Old Mug Correspondent Considers Flashes INSTALLMENT XIV Official student newspaper of Western Maryland College, published on Thurs- Work Sensational Success Bull-sheviki! Men-sheviki! day, semi-monthly during October, November, February, March, April, May, "Oh dear," sighed Little Red Rid- Raw! Raw! Raw.' and monthly during' September, December, and January, by the students of ing-Capital, "What can 1do 1 1hate VERSION IS UNEXPURGATED From Camp Hillovitch our comrades Western Maryland College, Westminster, Maryland. Entered as second-class to spend my whole evening here at dispatch the following: matter at the Westminster Post Office, under the Act of March 3, 1879. horne doing nothing. I wish I knew So Rose TILe Red is the complete Comrade Harrison has been shot SUBSCRIPTION PRICE $1.00 A YEAR life story of OUl'Comrade. Stablov of some really nice young' men!" the Ocmrnunist party. It tells the :foJ.' reactlonury activities against a Just then Little Red Riding-Capi- Red. And that's Morton we can stand. 1936 Member 1937 tal's mother came in and what do you story of Hors Stablov in milch detail Lassahndenberg- advocates equality Altho it is in detail, it. is certainly not I4ssocialed Q,Ue5ia!e Press think she said 1 "Daughter," said behind the times. But then how could and share the wealth since he saw Mrs. Banker Riding-Capital, "Red's" those Bachelors. He sends in com- mother, "T want you to take this nice ~:~i~~t~~:t;in~:!; of;~~U~h:1:::~~:~~~c~m~~~i::~in~a:!!:I~:~sB~~:~;~~: "What Foods These Morsels Be" basket of bank-notes over to your most intimate in every aspect. Start and two unidentified pickets for sit- Grandma Big Business who lives over in Cashtown. I know the night is Young, the author, speaks Oll every ting in the front row at the Gayety very dark, but you are a sweet girl page as though he had grown UJl with when he had to sit in the balcony. Aiken 0 cost you. Now hurry along and don't was born in n horse stable. Of course commune when Brother Hoffa wasted his subject. and surely no villain would dare ac- A murder was perpetrated in sezrioi- Comrade Stablov, the book relates, a waste-basket on a rat. (Not you, stop in at the corner drugstore where were 110t forced to have nll those nasty communists happy Reprimand: the ing tonight." are meet- his parents event oecui- in a horse Warman.} we believe in shar-ing (LABOR) Well, Little Red Riding-Capital like stable. It was a matter of environ- the wealth, but not the under-wealth, the obedient young lady she was put ment. The author points out that this Comrade Osteen. is restored-c. part of the hero's life was somewhat The old social order Browder I05 on her gold lame evening gowu and of a nightmare, but he states that no Coopernting Lanasky and Clemson are Comrades the platinum wrap with her ermine again. good Communist dares call him horse- clasps and hur-r-ied out into the night But then he does cull attention are go- and Leshawiskey face. Galbreath with the basket of bank-notes her arm. under to the fact that Babe Stablov was ing Russian-for a yokel. They are (COMMUNIST) The night was cold and so she hug- horn with a horae shoe in his mouth. nightly surveying the agricultural our mod- From such a lowly birth ged her wrqps close to her as she ern giant picked his way very care- acres behind the barracks-Nice form, boys. streets. deserted hastened down the Landon IO a large red neon sign saying "Beer- her fully. No dirt could possibly At the Kcmpanek, Walker will address need for has a pressing stain Kull-llfarski there appeared before Suddenly this man of the clean spirit. The Comrade age of ten he left his home and par- 5c a Glass." - Now Little Riding-Cap- ital was at heart a good gil'1 but she ents and like little Bunky of the fun- Young People's Communist Meeting (REPUBLICAN) was nwful, awful, awful cold so she ny papers, he was on his own. At this in Owings COmmune next week ap- Stablov decided to go in the place with the ear-ly age of bettering showed distinct propriately garbed in red flannels. evidently his conditions. tendencies The old order of grndskis red neon sign and warm herself while His first move was to the second stor-y imbibed too fr-eely of vodka last Sat- Lemke 2 she drank a glass of nice, cold milk. of the stable. 'I'hus began his lofty urday night, from all reports. career. In his new apertmeut Howie Doin'! Meekly she pushed open the swing- he was Elder. and ing doors and made her way tlu-c' the Bankert Two of our brothers, hey", so after thi~k clouds of cigarette smoke which tempted from all sides to make "hey, Kemp have deserted our camp. They two years, he, being a (UNION) hung over the place. Now Little Red sensible lad, left this house of straw \1rere court-martialed to the altal'. Riding-Capital had never been in this and sta1'ted at l'ock bottom. Spies have been planted on the trail drug-stol'e so she was just a wee bit A rolling stone gathers 1)0 moss of Sh'ow, Brengle, and Fogle who Roosevelt 9 iright('ned Big courage at had _always I J·oll. But he desired to roll up hill, and have "Commune and see me some time" thought our comrade, so he started t~ Hood College. to that' ~ut she remembered been traced to the Jaws oI Grandma contrary Business Hmmm! said all gravity, tim.es." "~ave even gil'is. gravity was not the only law that had Pal'kski ask!;> up to the bewhiskered freshmen man who was (DEMOCRAT) For tIllSreason she walked strmght in his climb hefound that tlle law of seems to be the theme song of those slanding behind the counter. to be broken. for dates we hear. "Please, sil'," said she "will you sell 'Vhile Stablov had occupIed Ilis Th,; propa~and(l being used arouud Thomas I ~l:l~;I:~~ho~l~:i~~: ~:::~I~~~o~~~~ ~.:~I~l;:::·~~=t~~,~::~l: ~:~;e:on~\~~ I ~oe~~l~:r~ee~n'~=~YI1:~~'~~~'sa~n';~e~h~ i! to have the milk my father I thought on the highway situation ~I'st heal·d. o~ Jean ~arlow of life was Banke)' :~~i~l~-n~:~~~~ly~~:iIlcertainly _I'eward different. He found that he was not I It ~'as a dblg J;~e :.Olllg al'Ound." (SOCIALIST) The man behind the counter was a ::~e:l:e:.tedl:sh~inl~~ a;e:lltl:l~~~!,l;~ ~ak:m~~'o:dwal;eb~~e~e :~~ k::V:~ Total I27 good fellow. His name WTIS Clever- even to sleep in the bal'll ne would j hIS :way arou.nd Park Avenue. that It pays ness Stock-Broker No, life was JOlle-1 to hke the LIttle things of life. nnd he said. "Yes, hnve been at home. thought the Iy fOJ' a 1)001'lad who had 110tas much yes, Mjss Riding-Capit-'1!, you lIlay 01'- Eldel'dicevitch R del' anything YOll like and you can the game. pay for it whenever you wisll." {ConI. Oil pllg(' .1. ('01. 1) ;l:t~~~i: ~::~~~tr~:~~ ~~s f~~~i~Y'~~:: 1.0 him after Little Red Riding-Capital smilcd Our good fl'iend and comrade Ex- On Being Well Red sweetly and, taking' her gla.':s of milk, Cossack Olellir is reaping a harvest went eYe!' to a stable in the corner. of despair and will give a soap box 'l'ho red IeHer dar hils CO!1J1) l ITow did yO\! vote! Everywhere 011 Now wight next to Little Red Rid- oration Wednesday evening 011 the ing-Capital's tnble was sitting a techllique of l'evoltltion. Our bet is the cnmpu!'l the question ofvolillg' has been cussed and discuS.'ied-hot handsome but very lustful young mall. that it wiII take more than revolution and fc\·crishly. (The last dol's not merely apply 10 bllck campus). He was the notorious Ultimate COlll- for him to get a date. Tllt'I'e was bnt Olle way to vote ;.mel that WaS to "ote the right ,\'11.". ('om- munism, cnll "Ult" by all of the young Tovarich Whiteford has picked the mllni~m for the common. Down with the Capitalists and nJl with tht: men whose leader he was. '''inning suitol' accol'ding to Jat.est re- ports, but oUlers keep Bobing up. U!t looked at Little Red Riding- Communist::;. Capitll! and sm[]ed "Now there is a Murphovna i.~ U "football femme" How well "Heel" were ....on 1 X "ll1m'x" the spot on the ballot that dame who is really keen," thought he. ngaill~she and Joseph were taking at passel'S by from changes the policy of this cOUlltry. Comrade Browder, tIle "Earl". "I think I'll go over and get acquaint- pot-shots point the other night. 11 high vantage __ ~bas triumphe{l. ed." And so Ultimate Communism went over to Little Red Riding-Capi- PHOTO Have yon berll 11 loyal patriot and expounded the place that onr NOTE: NIGHT tal's table. This back campus Jeader is one of CODlrade has oceupil'c1 in om' cultural hllckground! H you haw, ....OU "Hi' ya, toots?" quoth he. "What our most famons socialites, shining' Do You Have Worms? .should be Red in Ih(' face. If ."on are l\\·o-faced. you had better infornl cha doing tonight?·, in the dllrk as it wel'e. He is noted BROWDER:$" PARIS your friends OJ' the.'- will be worried about what was in that last quart. Now Little Red Riding-Caj)itaJ was fol' his "line" and his technique, which GREEN Did you join hands with the lion of the hOllr, or were you the kind so deceived by Ultimate Communism's have been developed under trying con- The EditDr Il~wn""~"d& Tt good loob; that she smiled coyly and ditions. A composite football. bas- of lamb who was afrakl to Lie down with the Lion' If you were "ise ketball, and soccer player, he CHn an:;;wered, "Nothing." you'd "know that this lion would keep the wolf away from y01,l1' dOOr. ~~eha;r:~! I GRAY HAIR! "Fine" said Ult. "Shall We shake a :::~ss f~; w;~u:~hi~~:~f Tf not. then you're the goat lloof over there on the dallce floor 1" chance-a success which has been in The Best R('medy is Made But even the goat can be well Red if he is Jlot ca\'eful of the kind "Well," said Little Red Riding- spiJ'cd solely by the Co-Ed, who var- at Home of cans he get$ into. Certainly the speeches of OIl\, Comrade should Capital, "it's all right wil.h me, but I iel! as the dnys of the week. His in- h"_i~O~~~!d/f~~nll1~.~:; ~'~I111~~~:.\~;~~~fo!i~i only do the rumba; my mothe]' never please the goat!; for ther arc ,'cry \,ell ccllllled. t~ught me how to foxtrot." ;~~~f:fj:j;:!~g~t!,ii;i;~~~~~ti~:;~~l:i.:Ii~:i~~~}Ji;;!::i:§ It is not flattering 10 be told that you are a goat, and Browder i<; "That's O. K.," said Ult. I'll show certainl." not II gOlltherd. Tnstend, he is the ;;~n'or of his countr~'. Not ~ou how to shake a wicked hoof." All of us have seen him at one time }lnJ'l~ imllnrl" ~olor 10 elrenkl'ilYC his cOl1ntry, but e,'erything else except the And so they started dancing. Soon 01' the other, fur"il sq.1 ~'P" nre ner-oous Hod run. ('bang<-. or "'1I~nP'·eT kindness. although this tends to giYC his policy a pinkish caste. Yl·t pened to the basket of bank-notes I and an A. N. degree which he deems rl","n. 9i1 On! of 100 ~n~·."11 llell'~ mel'" was to take to Grandma Big Busi- as important as an A. B. degree. Sure- LYDIA E. PINKHAMS eyerybody knows th}jt the" Earl" is tull-blooded and has little Wie for ness?" ly this back campus leader has carv~d the blue-bloods, but note, girls, that he does llot object to l;>lue eyes. (continued weakly) a niche from the hearts of many. i VEGETA,J::JLE COMPOUND