Page 127 - ThePhoenix1997-98

NEWS Thursday, March 5, 1998 - Page 7 Mouse Wars Jonathon Shacat quickly narrowed it down to the one describes life with I wanted. Sticky traps arc cruel. campus vermin. Humane traps only make more work for the hunter, who has to find a place to release it. I lay peacefully on my bed. So I get a traditional trap (the Suddenly a little grey thing scur- kind that whacks the mouse over its ries across the carpet. "What was head as it takes the food). I put on that?" I ask myself. Common a piece of Swiss cheese and set it. sense answered the question. Upon checking it later that night I A mouse. noticed the cheese was missing. "I have to get him out of here," It seemed that clever mouse al- I thought." I mean, he's invading most deserved to be on a college my property. That animal has all campus. Outsmarting him was go- the land on campus to choose from, ing to be more difficult than I pre- why does he have to pick my 8 X viously thought. 10 foot bedroom as his home? I asked people for advice. In haste I start to tidy up, throw- Someone said, "Use peanut butter." It seemed that clever mouse almost deserved to be on a college campus. Outsmarting him was going to be more difficult than I previously thought. ing away all the back issues of the I did but that was not successful. Baltimore Sun that were piled on Another guy recommended J use a the floor. My idea was that clean- new baiting method that would ing would entice him to leave; I guarantee tripping the switch. It soon realized that wasn't going to involved putting the cheese in the happen. metal platform rather than just plac- I figured the only way to get rid ing it on top. I gave it a try. of that thing was to catch him. I That did it. I awoke one morn- -I knew poison would only make him ing-a mere five days after the first go in search of water and die in the sighting - and saw that my hard process. That wasn't good enough. work had paid off. The intruder was I needed to see it caught, in a trap. dead. So I went to Walmart to buy one. I gave him a proper burial in the They had a large selection of trash can on the third floor of EI- pest removal products there but I derdice Hall. May he rest in peace. Letter to the Editor I'd like to comment an oft- and what if there is an easy way to overlooked aspect of campus life: get into heaven or Nirvana? I am religion. willing to entertain this notion of This single word has the power what is known as Pascal's wager: to captivate one person's attention It is better to practice some sort of The Last Laugh while making another tum the page religion on Earth and later learn in disinterest. From my perspec- there is no afterlife than to practice What a surprise. I never knew Eric Barry reminisces tive, it seems a if a large majority none and find out there is. that the big burly football player about the students he all over a new guy every night. of college student and faculty fall Even a professor of statistics was such a courteous and polite To be fair, there were just as into the later category. cannot argue with this wager. person. served in the Pub. many guys who were always This overwhelming attitude of So each of us are now forced to Working at the pub taught me a sloppy drunk and with different A lot of times ambivalence toward any type of make a decision: Either completely lot about the people on this cam- and impolite. to (he register they girls every night. I especially liked and spit on by these would come getting accidentally existential belief system intrigues renounce the remote possibility that pus, especially man~ people I had mumble something. Then, when I drooling fools. me, especially in a setting of higher some type of higher being exists, the wrong impression about and asked them to repeat it, they would The best experiences I had at the education as supposed enlighten- or be open to the idea that perhaps others I had the right impression get all bent out of shape. pub were when freshmen would ment. there is a God who loves us. about. There were also those stu- Then there are the students who come in, thinking I was a "townie," The danger, I believe, comes For anyone choosing the second dents whom I had never mel. These when dedicated college students option, there are many existing av- students I had no prejudgment of, refused to put money in my hand. on and harass me and act obnoxiously. On many They preferred to dump change I would occasions and even more dedicated faculty enues on campus through which to but with their actions they helped the plastic ice cream freezer and overhear guys and girls whining place a higher emphasis on sculpt- have your questions answered. Rev- me form an opinion of them. watch as I struggled to pry off each about how much money they had ing the mind than sculpting the erend Mark Lancaster is available Many students that I thought individual coin. on their card. They would gripe soul. for any type of spiritual guidance were very arrogant, rude, and im- These same students are the how they only had $115. This is While building one's mind may and, believe it or not, the college polite came into the pub and were pinches lead to great rewards in the near has several active student religious just the opposite. They would not ones who want three and a kiss on of when I would tell them that the sec- all $50 I spent ond day of school salt, a dab of mayo, future, we must not ignore the soul, organizations. assume {hat I knew what they the as. I never realized so many on my card for books. Then they as this part of our being determines The decision to devote time to wanted. They didn't expect me to students of nobility went to WMC would inform me that they were the rewards we reap in eternity. one's soul is indeed a difficult one. have their change in two seconds. until I worked at the pub. 'spoiled little brats who needed at True, the existence of somesort of However, the rewards are greater .Lastly, these students didn't expect Working in the pub also helped least $300 on their Card at all times. higher being or even of a soul can- and least longer than' those of any their food to be made in just min- t not be proven to the satisfaction 0f, college degree. ures. These students were a plea- me to realize something ~bout the So as you can see, working in gf:' to see females'atlWMC.-1l the pub was a great experience our popular scientific method. II "1>: .; 1 sure-to deal with. ,which. 8irl~.gQt.sloppy dryllk every .' me! Not ohly did'! get decent pay, for But what if there exist~ a God . Matt SJeinerh,.-'. :",. '.:1 .However, there were srudenrs I night. I .atso .'NBS blessed with the l:full also.found OUI which students thought were very arrogant, rude, honor of seeing which girls were are'obnbXiomi imbeciles. ~' I, -r-, ~"-c~.~--_-,,.,.-. ~ • _.