Page 116 - Scrimshaw1975-76

. Page 8 Scrimshaw Thursday, March 11, 1976 •••••••••••• Miscellaneous stuff , Bicentennial barfola Mark C. Bayer Well, gang, as if you didn't guess 5 He rode through the streets the more familiar replacement they crossed a bridge over the teenagerhood. Alden, who at that from all those car ads, department shouting "The British are coming! copy. The charred remains of that Potomac, and without warning time had considered himself quite store discount sales, paperback The British are coming!" first document are currently Uriah Sweetsauce drew the last a Romeo, had never reckoned on novels, dishes, candles, decorative 6. He threw a silver dollar across displayed in the Smithsonian, but silver dollar from his vest--money Carrie Truebl~, whom most of liquor bottles, porcelain toilet the Potomac. since they lie next to the John he was saving for a good bottle of the .~e.n of his town refe~ed to accessories, salt and pepper 7. She said, "Speak for yourself, Dillinger exhibit, most people don't Maryland rum-and flung it across b~ m~bals. Afte.r an evemng of shakers, lamps, do-it-yourself John Alden." notice. the river as far as it would go. ~atchmg the sh~p~ go by, Al~en crochet sets, souvenir albums, When his snippety wife asked him, lingered at Came s door, h.opmg coloring books, curtains, and so 1. We thought we'd start this quiz 4. Simon John, an extremely "What call have you to waste good for more th.an a handshake. Fmally forth (and from the looks of that acidulous theatre critic of his day, money throwing it away across the h~ ca~e rI~t ?ut and expressed assortment it's hard to tell what off with a really simple one. The never gave leading man Rambo river?" Uriah replied, "Oh, ish it a his feelings: . Let u:> ~ac.e the facts, the hell is going on), we are now answer, of course, is Iphregenia Prevoli a good notice, constantly river? I thought it wash the dearest Carne, for It IS mde_ed true in the first few months of the Slocum, an indentured servant of deriding the actor's performances worldsh biggesht wishing wen-an' that both. of us would ,enJoy the Bicentennial. And so, in keep- Betsy Ross, who, as tradition as "unconvincing". In 1852, on the you don't wanna know wha' I jusht many delights of a stay neath my ing with that same spirit of good dictated, did all of her work for opening night of his new play old American industry and busi- her, including the actual sewing of "Ding Dong," Prevoli decided to wished on yo~! I"~ ~~t~~:~~e: ~~~~:t't~~::;~ ness savvy with which the U.S. of Old Glory. Among Iphregenia's take revenge by loading his prop 7. Another little-known fact of him, then rejoindered in a voice A. is effectively nibbling away at other duties was cleaning Betsy's gun with real bullets. In the middle American history (little-known, that could be heard over the church its own past, the Scrimshaw is house, retrieving her slippers, of the second act, Prevoli, an ex- that is, except to you, the astute gongs. The famed quote, "Speak introducing a great new Bicen- cooking her meals, and. in most pert marksman, aimed the pistol reader) is that John Alden gained for yourself, John Alden!" Alden tennial contest. Simply identify the cases, sparing her mistress the toward the audience, shot John his legendary shyness from a boarded a boat for America easy-as-apple-pie' names 'n tiresome and monotonous activity thrice in the legs, and shouted, traumatic experience gained in his quickly after. faces of America's illustrious of mastication- by chewing the food "Now how convincing do you history from the clues given, and herself. think I am, you bastard? . Pennsylvania party win one of the following blossoming Hahahahahahahaha." John, VIC Eremlta new Bicentennial products: a 2. The man who discovered however, had the last word, for the See, this party Freydeday 1930ees pe~on and a redskin in- year's supply of Kellogg's electricity was Alphonse Gaz- beginning sentence of a review nite was ok. I wanna tell it so dian and dr doom who wanted to Bicentennial Bran (the red, white, pacho, an immigrant who, in 1593, written from his hospital bed read, and blue flakes which play "The was also responsible for inventing "It is a measure of the general others can c wat they missed. It touch all peeple and this robot who atound looking for a was dancering was at Pa. house rite down on the Star-Spangled Banner" when you a primitive forerunner of the ineptitude of leading man Rambo road. It was a dressup party and a socket. And a ganster with a violin pour on the milk), a complete set of modern-day television The Prevcli that the bullets in his gun G.I. Joe-at-valley-Forge dolls hapless Gazpacho, whose name give a more believable per- hole lot of peeple came as things case plus a hooker-refrigerator (whose fingers, toes, and ears drop has until very recently been lost to formance than he does." etc. I came as nobody special-that who was plugged in the hole off from frostbite, just like the real history, discovered electricity at character so popular on campuss evening. A bellydancer that thing), or a lifetime collection of about the same time that he 5. Erich von Pollack-Blum, nowadays. Nobody new me but woodnt tell her name plus plenty?f Herbert Hoover Second Depression discovered the one flaw in his lengendary founder of the famous that was ok too. There was Pan beer. A girl dressed in a black wig Apples, complete with free cart. It revolutionary invention, when, on chain of stores in his name, was there with fallic horns and the that wouldnt come off. And this girl should be said that only those who one March morning, he travelled also justly famed as the father of editer of this rag was there with dressed in seethru stuff that was get all correct answers will be 50 miles in vain to find someplace advertising. So when the renowned Vicks in his hair drunkenly leaping reel dekadent like in porno. But it eligible for these fabulous prizes: to plug it in. team of craftsmen brothers, about with the Fruit of The Loom wasnt. I liked this party because i but holy Moses, that should be no Roderick and Broderick British, grapes who sure looked nice. I had fun. Thank you. think she won a prize fer dancing problem whatsoever for you in- 3. Little Tommy rnreecorners, a sold him their entire set of with Fonzie so good. Theil there Express your trepid students-after all, think of first-grader, learning standard exquisitely-carved Chippendale was this other guy dressed like a all the American history that each penmanship in school, was looking chairs, Pollack-Blum just had to pregnit woman in throes of views! of you has learned from reading for some paper on which to let the people know. Since all the childbirth etc. while dancing. Yep. Write to restaurant placemats alone! practice his homework when 10 and billboards were being used to And plenty of good music too. The Ready, then? Okay, here come behold, what should he run into but describe a nearby quilting tour- master of cerimonees was dressed SCRIMSHAW the clues to these important and this indiscriminate-looking piece of nament, Pollack-Blum emulated in a simply unexpected com- influential Bicentennial per- scrap paper? Tommy's signature the town criers of his day by bination of hat postcards and. __ • __ •••• __ •• sonages: on that now-famous document was jumping on a stolen horse and codpiecelike a lion roaring. I _ _ 1. She sewed the American flag. not only the biggest but also the riding up and down the New Jersey commend this dude for being able. like _ tfgIgett 2. He discovered electricity. most off-repeated one, appearing farmland, shouting, "The British to blend rite in all stcumstances _ 3. He was the biggest signature 300 times on the original copy, li. ... ~:;!:::'.f.,~~ S7Pt..,or;CII,ion personally with any tavern-keeper THE NAVY IS COMING! 58H.,dy.hade 15 Spi.e Wen I""; ... that dared serve her husband ...... 7D;"nournber 615<0'1;,,01 17:~~n. 4O:'';.''"~~n..,n 'he rurlu,. "f drink. He was as soused as usual Your Navy Information Team will be on campus 18100011"'" 8~'::;;dol 4JStalelab.) when she told him of her plan as Thursday, March 11, to conduct interviews and answer 91ncopoble ~~~i:~' Rip·_ 10 Ro",.nempeu' Oualififcation Test at 9 am and 1 pm. Presently the officer 16H .. venlv -.... condicla'. 20llin.,.n. all officer programs are open, including; Smi.h 22_5<:010 28F,.ncI>,iv., ~!!=itM 29 O.h"",.",v NUCLEAR POWER, CIVIL ENGINEERING, '.....,k. i!::unoet ~~ AVIATION, SUPPLY CORPS, NURSE McM.hon Our people make it better CORPS, and REGULAR UNRESTRICTEO 35-E.hylalcol>ol LINE OFFICER. 3!lConjun,,1ion J9SookUlu) If you are interested in obtaining further 41SW ••d 42 .....vel<>, information or want to sign up for the Ust, shon .. ",v. Monday nights please contact Mr. Wruble in the Placement ''''.><.ample 44 R... Admi.al Office or call us correct at (301) 436-2072 I_b.) 5 p.m, - 11 p.m. 46 AI .... or write to: 48 ·,oon.·. mill Night OFFICER INFORMATION TEAM, Presidential 51Dop ~." College 52 ~,:~v. (LD. required) Building, Room 301, 6525 Belcrest Rd., 53A"""Oam;,,; Hyattsville, Maryland, 20782 (ab.1 55 Apflrwnot , 3" pizza-with one '1 59~';:,':;I:':@(!gc • '! topping - only $2.09!! BE SOMEONE SPECIAL! 6OP.,o;. 6:.>D;spl ...... Bud, Mic & Schlitz 63S. ... 0Iou, on Tap GO NAVY! 64~~;::'.m~L"_[__l__Ll_L_[_ __ L_Ll_L_j 140 Village