Page 38 - TheGoldBug1953-54

2 The Gold Bug, March 9, 1954 View4 dJ._'l1.e Early Morning Mistake Produces Ig~~Hgq,Q1 Ode To An Ox .JIdt 'lop True Tragedy Of Joanne Jagged by Harriett Cooley (After Drinking One) The Whole Hole Story ... S.G.A_ Secretary On dl~sty shelvcs in Ada-m's store, Cadet Williams groped until his fingers touched the flagpole. It was cold As you can see by G.A.G.'s because it had stayed out all night. The Military Dept. was working on a The SGA assembly for the May Its contents lithographed on bO:ll, gag on this page, we still can't new order to take the flagpole in every evening and haul it out every morning. Court electlgns was held on March 3. Appeared a substance-new, which that At this time it was announced bore help noticing (and driving into) Then it wouldn't be cold. Good, that's nominations for next year's Student ThrJ"thirst-quenched scrawl: "Embot- the holes in the campus streets, progress. MS stands for progress. Government officers must be submit- which we mentioned a couple of Williams waved his finghs like an tled Ox." issues ago. orchestra conductor in an attempt to ted between March 8 and March 15. This juice wa-B deew.ed "a. basic he will The noriiinations assembly locate the rope. He finally did. Then They're bottomless booby traps, held on Monday, March 22, with vot- 'must," and are fast maturing into real axle- he turned to his assistants. "Where's ing for president held on the follow- Siz thr.msand sold in half an hour; crackers. And there are a few new the flag ?" he asked. It was no use. ing Thursday and for vice-president Five d·inosaurs pooled dough in trUS!8, two ones, in addition to the ones we The they sophomores were back -asleep, Friday. And dumped the stuff on ferny rocked gently and and enumerated in our February 9 issue. forth in the lusty wind like a pair of There has been some discussion and flow'rs. All this time, the granddaddy of 'em socks hung out to dry. investigation about moving Chapel all-the McKinstry Crater-keeps on A soft, padding sound was heard. from Sunday to a week-day. The Now, great was interest in the getting bigger and bigger change would involve an almost eom- strength Two yards from the flagpole, Joanne What bothers us is, why are they Jagged was in the process of blindly plete revision of the activities Sched- Whereby a product, so discreet, allowed to get deeper and wider as staggering to class-early, tragically ule as it is now so full that there are Could quickly rl~Pthe wOI'ld in length, days go by? There isn't any problem early. She was wearing a brightly often conflicting meetings. As C1UJtomersmobbed through the here. The whole story is that there flowing red skirt topped with a navy Chapel could be scheduled as an streets. are bad holes in the campus Main blue coat. Her white blouse peeped assembly only at the sacrifice of all / went. street, and they ought to be repaired. through the partially open jacket. other assemblies because we are lim- The ages cam.e-gulped rn--and DOC8 in New sy'»!'pto·ms wrapped the We hope they're fixed up in time Seeing the red, white, and blue ited in the number of short periods loops for high school Guest day and May colors, William unhesitatingly reach- we can have. As humans mooed, were yoked- These and the facts that Sunday is day this spring, when so many friends ed out, attached the rope to the young the day for worship and that Chapel content and relatives visit WMC in their lady's ankles and hauled her to the has a unif'ylng effect on the student To give their ends to cartS-OI' soup. top. Later on, he could not remember or explain how he performed this body, are the reasons why Dr. Ensor The reason our dorms aren't is of the opinion that it should stay !IIere bottles changed to cloudy vats, repaired, they say, is that a new strenuous action. as it is. Suspended (by lee hommes, they dorm is on our drawing board. His mission seemingly completed, Flagpole-by the dawn's early, but From now on, the SGA is holding claim) But, the GOLD BUG wonders Williams went to class. It was eco- distorted, light its meetings in the Education Work- Fa)' past the ethe-red spheres of why the streets can't be re- nomics and he slept soundly. shop. Meetings are at 6:30 on Mon- strat- paired. Is a new campus Main day and are always open to the Stu- _ And tilted lips to emoth.er flame. At 10 o'clock (rather, two sergeants from the Military 1000 hours), street also on the drawing Dept. pushed through the crowd gathered at the base of the flagpole. dent Body. Why not come once in board? "It's a girl, all right," said one. awhile and have your say, too? [ndstrial methods utilized W find New "Q·rodesof geniUB-8oon "Yessir," agreed the other, who was slightly subordinate in rank. That O:llcnhides, if vulcanized, 'Long May It Wave' ... "Get her down! Get her down!" the crowd screamed. ' "The Contest Held For Could buoy m.en, and grapefruit rinds. "I don't know how. I don't have a manual," said the first sergeant. We'd like to add a few obser- order on the bulletin board says the rope is not to be lowered until 1730 So passion-ed had this bovine roared vations of our own about the hours." He talked to the crowd in a loud voice: "We'll see the boss and find (ollege Eaters That extracts, dubbed as "Oxford," Case of the Frustrating Flag- out what can be done." brought pole, now that it seems to be For the next two hours an exhausting search was dramatized in the While leafing through a required New brands of suits; e'en Hen·ry Ford settled. Military office. The following handbooks were consulted: collateral book in Renaissance His- Espoused an ox--begat a school. We feel for the 0745 Color Guard, FM23-75: Nomenclature of the Hand Grenade tory the ether day, I came across a of the Second Lieutenant Nomenclature FM30--31: especially if they don't have a class FM80---6lh: Flagpole cleaning list of etiquette "don'ts" during the Now, all went well until I thumbed 'till, say, third or fourth period, and FM20-5: Flagpole Rope: Where to Buy it At time of Henry VIII. We might call it To ports of ivy-coated tomee ; Dining Hall Rules for 1527. Why not could sleep in, or something, other- FM30-.06: The Lone Ranger and the Mystery Ranch tear out this item, checking the rules To parties wild did I succumb- wise. l'd learned to swill an ox-with foanln FM8-1775: Fifty Delicious Ham Recipes you think you HAVEN'T broken, and Agreed, too, that a little demon, Nothing was found. Indeed, there was no rule at all governing the correct mail to the dear old GOLD BUG? stratton of nocturnal noisemaking military procedure in this case. In FM80-6lh, there was a small section on Fourteen mounds of joy will be Thus, hand-in-hoof, "llUtn joined this now and then is good for The Boys. how to remove a cat from a pole-s-but no girl. awarded to the winner. beast, But we don't condone any sort of Meanwhile, Joanne Jagged floundered. She resembled a Lithuanian flag Don't pick your teeth with your And 8teamed through channels, wars, destruction of property, especially at 0135 hours-red, white, blue and green. She sagged heavily against the pole knife. and tax; during a pent-up-emotion-releasing and her eyes rolled liquidly in their sockets. , Don't throw bones on the floor. Combined to hammer, then released night march. A call was rushed to Ft. Meade. No help could be found. Don't claw your back as if after a New soil, [rcsh. sweat, mint julep And to those people who still don't At 1540 hours, all hope was gone, and it was decided to wait until 1730 flea, or your head as if after a louse. s1tMks. quite understand the whole thing, hours when the rope could be lowered according to the bulletin board. It was Don't blow your nose on the napkin. here's the point we'd like to get a tense two hours as Joanne was tossed between life and death. A little group Don't pick up a morsel from the An Ox-A1wnym.Ql~s sprang forth-- across: we don't believe The Boys, in sang hymns to revive the girl's spirits. dish with your tongue. Elected officers, who cursed their "demonstrations," meant to Finally 1730 came. The ceremonious assembly was clustered at the bottom Don't smack your lips or gnaw The 'Very thought of life henceforth show any Jack of patriotism, or show of the pole, flanked on the left by a real live general from Washington. Strong your bones. Without an ox. The project burst any disrespect to our country or to hands gripped the rope and Joanne started her trek downward. Don't butter your bread with your Because Old English books confeBBed, its flag. It was just the only way Soon she was in plain sight. A low gasp swept the group. It was evident thumb. As OA searchers ontlets 80ught: they had of expressing the gripe they that she had already expired. Life was gone. Don't wipe your teeth or eyes with All Angles, Saxons, Jutes profess: had. She reached the bottom and a tragic tear started down the general's the tablecloth. Their word (quote) "Ox"-translates cheek. "Don't let her touch the ground," he said. Don't poke your fingers into eggs. as "water". Keep It Clean . . . The onset of Spring is a good time to make a couple of com- ments on an abstraction called Appearance. by D·ick Brenneman Because of the antiquated piping sys- clutter the halls and the bathroom then the date of the repair was post- We can't help bur- take. note, of 205 McKinstry tem, 110twater is often available only illustrate the former point. The fact poned until Christmas. The hole has in a series of jive articles (Second late, how much trash seems to be making up a "Report on the Dot-mi_ after a 5-10-minute "drawing pe- that within the past two months, in not been repaired yet. scattered around the campus. Much wrie8"at Western Maryland.) riod." one of the bathrooms a toilet bowl Last October a request was made more than usual. Papers, candy bar McKinstry, comparatively speak- Also, electrical facilities seem to has been broken, a closet door ripped that; a receptacle for electric razors wrappers, twigs, old leaves, more pa- be inadequate. The line will not car- from its hinges, and a paper holder be installed in the bathroom. Recep- per, and just plain trash. ing, is Western Maryland's second- ry the extra load caused by the use yanked from the wall emphasizes the tacles for irons had previously been class men's dormitory. Facilities here Dirtiest places seem to be the curb do not rank with the relatively mod- of hot plates, electrical heaters, and latter. installed in another room when girlsf and under-arch walkway in front of ern accommodations of Albert Nor- toasters, without blowing a fuse. 3. Because of the disinterlffJt and occupied the dorm. But results, here, Old'Main, and the big lawn between man Ward; neither are they, in all 2. Becawu of the thouflhtle8s10683 irresponsibility of the college admin- too, are forthcoming. Science hall, Blanche Ward, and the fairness, of the "tradition and mice" On February 22 a written request girls' tennis courts. calibre of Old Ward. McKinstry resident Brenneman, a native of Stewartstown, Pa., and a was filed with the administration for Maybe, as someone suggested, it's However, this second-class dorm is history major, is treasurer of Pi Alpha Alpha fraternity, president of the an extra trash container. It was felt stuff that the March winds blew up of a most miserable nature. Some ac- Sunday Fellowship, junior class SGA representative, and. a commission chair- that the one container which is now from downtown. But we're inclined to commodations here are antiquated, man on the SeA cabinet. He is a newcomer to "the low-rent district," having available on each floor is not suffic'ient believe that the messy appearance of inadequate, disgraceful, despicable, lived two years previously in Albert Norman Ward. (Continued on page 4, column 5) the campus is caused mostly by us and generally, unnecessary. Western Marylanders. There are three main reasons why and talwa),!"anted destl'uctwn of the istration~ The maintenance and re- So let's try being a little neater, conditions are such: st.udel!ts. The carelessness, non-con- pair of the building has been very huh? Our campus' appearance will be 1. Because of the age 01 Ihe build- cern, and utter disrespect for prop- lax-: Only a few illustrations need be THE GOLD BUG prettier than ever this spring if we ing. McKinstry was erected in 1907, erty on the part of the men account cited to demonstrate .....this. Since last keep it dean. and thus has seen 47 years of serv- for the many-times shameful and de· September the college llas promised ice. As a result, the plaster on the graded appearance of the interior of to repair a three-by-three-foot hole in walls is cracking j the window frames, the building, and an unimaginable the ceiling of one of the rooms. which have become loose, rattle and waste. The situation was to be remedied, allow cold air to enter the rooms. The.paper and trash that so often first, during Thanksgiving "break," Member Atlocl.ted ColI.Sllt. Pre.. Subi!crlption Price $2.00 • Year Ed;tor_ln-ch!ef__ ,'55 M..nag!ng f!d!tor_ .'5-6 NeW8 e.mo",__ • '56 ':U F....tureed!to ..8___ SP()rl.8 editor_---------Le:t! Werner. 'M Ne_f ....tu.... editor Kay !IIebl. '66 Copy f!ditor~.------.L!nda Skinner. '57 Typing Bev Reiber. '56 BUSINESS STAFF BIHine&!! manager __ Ji", M..... h ..l1. '55 AdvertisillJl' manager___HllII'h Howell.·U Exchange and dreuh.tlon_Crailr Sehman, '55 CONTRIBUTORS Dick Shenton. Earle Finley. nan Moylan. Pat Chirlchlllo. Mackert. Fran The students have been talking about the holes in the road. Gh, there may be a crack here or there, but .. Richter. Ann D