Page 36 - TheGoldBug1934-35

PAGE TWO The Gold Bug, Western Maryland College, Westminster, Md. COL THE TRASH CAN Trashette By James WANTED shining company for the light of "C" A course in table etiquette for the senior, Miss Bowen, who has been the freshman class, ten sophomores, ten jun- past two years. (Miss Bowen says she Official student newspaper of Western Maryland College, published on Thursday iors, and six seniors. (Men of course.) plans a comeback next year.) during the academic year by the students of Western Maryland College, Westminster, Capt. Jones of the Band has had some Maryland. Entered as second-class matter at the Westminster Postoffi.ee. A fighting defense against wagon spokes, (I suppose this should also in- time in deciding on his selection, but SUBSCRIPTIONPRICE $1.00 A YEAR clude offensive action.) after much deliberation he has picked an A few less trouble makers in the senior old school chum, Miss Charlotte Sprague, ~eleased Reluctantly class. (A direct hit). of Parksley, Va. By Special Permission of the Copywright Owners A little life in the sophomores. The choice for the Aloha has not been Boss DENNIS ("Brownie") BROWN (They're really dead).- ___ announced as yet, but from all that I Assista-nt Foremen. ~ .•.......................... ROSALIE ("Boots") SILBERSTEIN The gentleman or men who "borrow- can see Miss Brown will get the call. IDAMAE(" 'I'ommy ' ') RILEY ed" the buggy. (Scallywag). Very nice choosing, boys. 'Tis indeed GEORGE(f'He-May") NEEDHAM A date for "Doc" Kohler. (I~m".s.e- a noble crew. ....... HERBERT;(" Stevie") STEVENS rious) . MOONERS PERSONALS Hand-Longfellow (Quite some case). :;' E - D - I - '-T,.. 0 - R - I "":;,A - L I'm tired of seeing "Peck') Slaysman Coe-Fennel (Ditto). try to get a date with "Dolly." I wish Keyser-Willis (They've crashed this that she would either break down, or he column ever since they came to school.) Explanation An explanation is obviously in order for this rather would give up. Benson-Herwick (Strong). startling issue of a newspaper which is usually the visual When is this Baker lad going to stop' Mathias-Ford (Doubtful). representation- of conservatism. Briefly, the explanation is this=-for running off down town t Campof'reda-J' enkins (Fighters). just one issue, the staff of the G:OLD BUG decided to cast the rules and The girls are all slowly going mad Sehwieker-B'ogle (~) techniques of journalistic practice to the winds and to present a paper waiting for Dunstan to give them a Lucas-Philips (Just lukewarm). which has as its only ,purpose·to be humorous and tidiculous. break. F'ar be it from me to want' the , 'femmes" to become mad, so do your , SOME APPROPRIATE SONGS This week's issue of the GOLD BUG is presented in a spirit of good- "With My Eyes Wide Open I'm natured fun, and we sincerely hope that it will bereceived in just such best, boy; Dreaming "_in Sunday chapel. a spirit. Having no malicious designs or personal-retaliations in mind, This Reckord boy is really making time "It's Dark on Observatory Hill' ,- with a last year's grad's we shall offer no -apelogy. The paper does not aim 'to represent Western Keep up the good work, kid. girl friend. back campus. Maryland College as it is,butrather as it isn't. Our only hope is that "I've Got an Invitation to a Dance" 'you, the student body and-faculty, will enjoy reading this tabloid edition EXTRA -junior prom. of the ,GOLD BUG as much a'Swe, the members of the staff, enjoyed pre- The search for sponsors has been kept , 'Am I to Blame' '-semester grades. paring it for-the ,press. ' rather quiet this year, but the boys have "No, No, a Thousand Times No"- been successful so far. Dean Stover. " Andy" didn't have to look very hard "Boxer Rebellion" (new version)- Priv(lte .Letters of the Editor for his. "Dottie"will be quite a charm- crowds at Syracuse fights. ing one for the lang. in the uniforms. Somebody says that we need a course "Jay" Randle,bas beeu.sorta slow in in "Neck-romancing". announcing it,·bufl_'ll take a quick guess And have you heard that the new dorm SWe .Asylum, ' My Dear Miss Stein, Stein, and say the 'blonde 'freshman. . is a tI put-up" joM Room 119, I was both Pleased and surprised t,) In "B" Company it wjll~be either Some of us think we have a lease for Nutmore, 'Md. hear from you. KWhen didrthey let you Lydia or Rosalie, it depends em the boys.! life on the library. My Dear Editor, out~ ~; Holmes has also ..picked a f'reshie, and Rumor has it that four people on the I want to tell you how much I enjoy a very attractive {)~e at,t#at. Little Miss OLD MuG. staff are going to leave school Steinie, take af:1~ok at this masterpiece your won.derfu"r-pape~.-' I' think it is -far (another Stein 4,i:ing). _ Hancock will lead the eompany-thia year. when this comes off the press. ' superior to the old' NeW ,ydrkTifues. 'But Boots and Betty fell on the ice She deserves a lot o:{ 'cre'dU lO1- taking I '.This issue is declared 99 44-100% pure why don't you have a comic page" I'm On the ice they fell. Not snow. the crown 'away from that popular little by Good Housekeeping. just crazy about com,ic pages, aren't ,YOll ~ Ice. But ice. Dirty and cold. Wby don't you c'mup 'nsee' me ,~ome- Alas I Psychology class. time ~ I've always wanted to 'meet' a Alas! And also. journalist; The poem was written by Miss (Rosa- Most affeotionately, ' lie) Gertrude (Silber) Stein. EUNICE NUTMEG. And therefore, THE EDITOR. My Dear Miss Nutmeg, * * * I deeply appreciate your, kind words., 7000 Davenport Drive, With two 'education units to complete, Hollywood, Calif. this newspaper to edit, and the regular }'1y Old Flame, , , Crossing the B_ar", we came This is our Impression of what we class W'orkgiven me to do,'r shall prob- think you think of this masterpiece ably see 'you sooner than -you' exPect: 'Use Hollywood. botes me. I have decided across the above pictured object. of journalistic endeavor. your influence to get, me a :room wif,h that there is nothing new under the sun. southern, exposure. Can you help ~e~ Sin~~rely yours, With feeling, 'THE EDI'J'O!t- .. 'Iii;" MAE WEST. HoIly"vood, Calif. '. Dear ·Mr. Editor, I am, looking for -a Ulan',vith the, per, Mae Dear, sonality of Maurice Chevalier,-th_e _charm I know ho~v:'y_onfeel; Mae. But therc of Francis Lederer, the physique of is something new under the sun! Look Johnny Weissmullel',·,the voice ofTib- at this false-true, test which we, the mem- bett, and -the i.ntelligence, of Noel COW; bers of the s4(ff, think should be given to ard. Where can I find such a man f every professQr in the world. GratefUlly yours, Answer "·ials,e" or "true": GRETAGARBO. 1. Dixie Belle is 85% proof. 2. Kissillg generates heat. 3. Blondes make better housewives , than brunettes. Greta Darling,; Meet me in the College Grille tomorrow 4. All professors are broad-minded. e_venillg,at seven. 5. Some professOl's are broad-minded. Affectionately, 6. A Rronx is the name of a street. THE EDITOR. 7. A dry martini is made with ver- * * * mouth. Par,is, France. 8. Pe!uiut Joe's is on Baltimore Street. Dear Editor, not Bu'siness Manager, 9. Mae West weighs 125 pounds. , Editor,'- _. 10. The Oasis is A fertile spot in a desert .... 'Your' paop1iris .'\v()nqerf_ul'",onderfulj, I say your paper is wonderful, notterribl~, W11y, :don't you come to see me some- w