Page 40 - TheGoldBug1934-35

PAGE TWO The Gold Bug, Western Maryland College, Westminster, Md. COL Passing in Review THE SHORT SHORT STORY By BRADYO. BRYSON The Blue Eagle's figure, and hair nice Riley by Idamae eyes, are what passed Two years have Birthday since that MASCULINE BEAUTY I fea tures, ,a good count. The successful rainy March 4, 1933, when Franklin D. She was a young American. Of de- contestant will be transformed by the Official student newspaper of Western Maryland College published on Thursday Roosevelt electrified the country with pendable Italian stock. For Papa and I Beauticians' Association, through the during the academic year by the students of Western Maryl~nd College, Westminster, Maryland. Entered as second-class matter at the Westminster Postoffice. words of superhuman courage as he Marna Borenzi, lovers under the purple j aid of waves, eyebrow shaping, etc., into faced an administrative problem of twilight of a little village near the Bay a beautiful, glamorous swan." SUBSCRIPTIONPRICE $1.00 A YEAR greater seriousness than any of our of Naples, soon af'ter their marriage had "What's so marvelous about that, presidents have ever faced. In glowing moved to Baltimore, where their first Theresa ~ Are you thinking of enter- terms he pictured the return of prosper- child was born. ing'" ity through the maintenance of a stable Remembering the olive groves of "Of course not! Not with my pug- monetary policy, a balanced budget, their far-away home, they had christ- gish nose. But you, Olivera, you could EDITORIAL STAFF and economic policies designed and di- ened her Olivera. win it." Editor-in-Chief _. _ _ _. _. _.. . _.. DENNIS J_ BROWN, '35 rected by experts in the field. The na- Associat~ Editors, .. _ __.... __PAUL SCHWEIKER, 35, EDITH FORNEY, '35 She had been a pretty child, with "Me'" News Editors .. ROBERTBROOKS, '36, FRANCES ELDERDICE, '35 tion cheered Roosevelt's inauguration, dusky brown skin and dreamy brown "Yes, you! You know you'd be a Copy ,Editors_. _ _ __.. _ !DAMAERILEY, '36, HAROLDWHITE, '36 and in the fol1owing months hailed him eyes and fine even features, as regular peach if you would go modern. Have Sports Editors _ _ __WILSON NICHOLS, '35, FRANCES GLYNN, '35 as the savior of the country in a time as those of an ancient Greek goddess. your hair waved, your eyebrows arched, Featwre Editor .. _ _.. _ _ .. _. ROSALIE SILBERSTEIN, '36 of crisis, as the creator of a golden age Now, at nineteen, her childish beauty clothes. Exchange Editor..................... . . _. __. _.. . HELEN STUMP, '36 to be ushered in by a "New Deal". had fully ripened, like the olives use a lipstick. Wear snappy as Wash- Right now you look as frigid MAKE-UP STAFF What may be said of Mr. Roosevelt which Papa and Mama Borenzi so loved. ington's monument." MlJIIW,gingEditor ..... _.... _.....•... . __... _.. _.. _.. _.. HERBERT STEVENS, '36 and his "New Deal" today I The ob- At nineteen, it was not surprising that Assistant Managing Editor«, ... , , ..... __MANSELL STEVENS, '35, ROBERT COE, '37 Olivera's voice would have frosted vious thing is that prosperity has not Michel loved her. And it was no more a hot malted milk. "Really, Theresa, BUSINESS STAFF come back and apparently has no idea surprising that she loved Michel. For I'm not competing with Jean Harlow, Business Manager _ __ _. _ _.. _ _F. KALE MATHIAS, '3'5 of doing so, The next thing that is Michel was sturdy and tall, athletic or even, Joan Crawford." Advertising Manager .. _ __ _" __. __. EDWARDBEAUCHAMP, '36 noticed is the "balanced budget" Roose- and browned by the sun. Assistl.P7f,tAdvertising Manager_ _. _ __ __. _'" _ JOHN WARMAN, '37 velt declared to be so essential to na- Both families approved the tacit en- "Well, if Michel falls for some girl Circulation Managers _ _ THOMAS EVELAND,'36, OLIVE BUTLER, '35 who can compete with Harlow or Craw- tional welfare. It is some two and a gagement of the young couple, Mama ford, don't blame me for saying, 'I told Assistant Circulation Managers half times deeper in the red than it was Borenzi often turned to Papa and you so'." ANDREW RILEY, '36 MARTHAMCCULLOUGH,'37 when he took office, and threatens to laughed, "Michel, he is so beeg and RALPH LUMAN, '37 ROSALIEGILBERT, '36 go even further in debt if the Senate nice. I like Michel, don't you, Papa '" So, thinking of Michel, Olivera proprietor I REPORTERS fails to control the President's spending And always the fat, stumpy hesitatingly mailed the entry blank. spree. of Borenzi's Delicacy Shop gave ready And then, after competitive examina- Brady Bryson, '35; Charles Read, '36; Guy Griffen, '36; Nicholas Campofreda, '36; tions with other candidates, she was de- Lamar Benson, '35; Kenneth Plummer, '3'7; Ralph Lambert, '37; Paul The "stable monetary policy" next assent. clared winner. Which wasn't surpris- Ritchie, '37; Kenneth Baumgardner, '38; James Coleman, '38; Harry Bright, protrudes from the pot-pourri of the In his smelly restaurant across the '38; Merlin Miller, '38; Paul Nelson, '38. way, Papa Silva, Michel's father, often ing, not if you knew Olivera. New Deal experiments like the prover Orpha Pritchard, '35; Margaret James, '35; Jane Roof, '36; Elizabeth Byrd '36; bia l sore thumb. What with the de asked Mama Silva a similar question Then one day the Beauticians' Asso- Sal~y Price, '37; Helen Stump, '37; Sarabelle Blackwell, '37; Virgini~ Lee parture from the gold standard to some- And his faded little wife always an- ciation had given her their treatments. Snuth, '38; Anne Chew. '38; M. V_ Brittingham, '38; Janet Mac'Vean, '38; swered, "Olivera, yes, she would make Theresa had been promptly enthusiastic. Eleanor Taylor, '3'8. . thing that few people have been able "Gee, honey, you're poaiti vely beau- to fathom, the devaluation of the dol- Michel nice wife. She is not like me. tiful. That wave's a knockout. And lar, the illegality of hoarding gold, the She is life." Worthy opinion; Model manaqemeni; Correct news. refusal to meet contracts, and the flat But the day came when Michel did your eyebrows are more expressive than failure of artificial monetary stimulus not cross the street from his Papa's res- Garbo's," to business, have we ever had a more taurant to the Borenzi delicatessen. And That evening to Olivera's surprise, D I T o I A L uncertain, shaky, unstable monetary the next day he did not come. Nor the Michel hadn't mentioned her "transfor- condition ~ next. Nor the next. mation". He was just the same Michel, As day after day passed and Olivera chatting about gay, inconsequential Let us look for a moment at the nu Dregs of the "Old Mug" Now that the foam of that startling and pro- did not hear Michel's greeting, "Hull 0, things. And when he had left, he had vocative piece of journalism, the Old M1lg, merous economic schemes launched by Beloved", she became more and more called his usual "Good-night, Beloved." has settled, a perspective on the entire situation will no doubt prove so-called experts in these fields. Not worried. Michel wasn't ill. Why didn't But the next evening he hadu't come interesting not only to those people who approved of and enjoyed the one of their plans have even approach he come to see her I Often as she lay back. Nor the next. Nor the next. Old M1lg, but also to those who thought it was a waste of time and effort, ed a point that could be termed sue sleepless, she wished she were in Papa And that was why Olivera was now so In order to secure a perfectly fair and accurate consensus of opinion cessful. The agricultural plan has been and Mama's little village, where there worried. concerning the tabloid, the editor selected at random and interviewed the a joke, although a very serious one, were no American waitresses with That is why she wished she were in following persons (with the exception of the alumnus) as they entered' among true economists. The trade un painted, scarlet lips and deceitful eyes the College Grille. As no names are mentioned the expressed opinions del' the numerous codes real1y amounted to v[lomp strong, nice men. Engaged Papa and Mamma's little villa.ge, with are perfectly candid. ' to very little, although propaganda ar men, too, of all things! its purple twilight, instead of in cruel A freshman man i. "Cleverly edited; an interesting diversion from And she had worked so hard to keep Baltimore. the usual run of Gold Bugs." ticles made much over it, The monetary Michel. For wasn't he a bargain for One afternoon Papa Borenzi, with A freshman woman: "I think all Gold Bugs should be Old Mugs." policy stirred up much comment but lit a husband ~ Papa and Marna had said shrewd fatherly insight, asked "What A sophomore man: "It was colossal, stupendous! The Old M1lg tIe business activity. The public works so and they knew! isn't right, Olivera ~ Have you and was the best thing that ever ran over the campus." plan has yet to be successfully put into Why, just a week before, she had Michel had a leetle quarr ell, perhaps' A sophomore woman: "Very humorous and very clever. I think operation. The social security legisla undergone real torture to keep him. It Tell your Papa., child." you should repeat it. " tion similarly grew more and' more tan- had all come about this way. Theresa, "There's nothing wrong. Nothing," A junior man: "It was a paper that a Western Marylander would gled so that there is no predicting what who lived two doors down, had burst she repeated, "That's just it. I don't be pleased to show to a strident of any other school." it will finally represent, To top it all into the Borenzi delicatessen one day. know why Michel doesn't come to see A junior woman: "It's the first school paper I've ever read from off, the President's radical ideas have "Oh, Olivera, isn't it just too marvel- me. We haven't quarrel1ed. Who could cover to cover." at last found opposition in his own par- ous t" quarrel with Michel ~ And still, I A senior man: "It was grand. Something completely different." ty, so that the legislation is now so "What~ What are you talking haven't seen him for two whole weeks." A senior woman: "It was hilariously funny. I thoroughly en- about i" Papa carefully measured out a quart joyed reading it." clogged and jammed that nothing can "The contest sponsored by the News. of potato salad. Then he observed, A faculty member: "I was not impressed by the headlines, so I be accomplished. Haven't you heard about it~" "Well, if you love your Michel and if didn't read it." In the meantime, unemployment has he loves you, you'll see him SOOli. He the newspaper poked Theresa Another faculty member: "Very amusing." steadily increased ancl business condi- Olivera's eyes. See what it says." before won't be able to stay away any more And another faculty member: "The attempt at humor was too tions are still very serious. Public con- Olivera read the indica ted article. than Mrs, Pietro could stay away from conscious." fidence is distinctly on the wane, sink- her daily potato salad." ing as rapidly as the public debt rises. "Do you want to be BEAUTIFUL~ An alumnus: "Advise me if the 'four people' on the Old Mug staff The News is conducting a search for "I hope you're right. But still-" are ordered to 'leave school'. If so, I will hold Dr. Ward here in Wash- I think the one thing that Roose- the girl who has the most potential That evening Olivera smiled as the ington, as a hostage, until they are reinstated." velt's administration has taught us is beauty, although at present she need shop door swung open and a young man Having stated in the editorial column of the Old Mug that the staff that it is virtually impossible for a na- not be considered beautiful. Regular (Continued on Page 3, Column 4) had "no malicious designs or personal retaliations in mind" and that tion to spend its way back to prosper- the only idea behind the tabloid was to "cast the rules and techniques ity, that radical interference with the ?f journalistic practice to the winds and to present a paper which has as normal course of business seems only Its only purpose to be humorous and ridiculous ", the staff feels that the to aggravate the situation, and that THE TRASH Old Mu_g was actually received in the spirit in which it was presented. 'Conservative ideas insure more safe CAN I~ we did tramp on your .ego,it was all in the spirit of fun; if you were 'economic conditions! By James Trashette slightly shocked, we consider our efforts successful; if you thought that the OlcZMug was just the released wit c-J. a group of volatile college stu- dents, we ask you to brush up on your sense of humor and to remember SPECIALS- room lobby before lunch. the days when you, too, found a laugh in many, many things. CAMPUS I am glad to hear that "Babs" went 7. One or two of our female hash LEADERS to church last Sunday, slingers. (Get wise to your- My sympathy goes out to "AI ", and selves, ) Peace Poll ,,Youth of the nation going Communistic! Collegians re- to those who traded dances with him 8. Adverse criticism conc~rning our fuse to go to war!" So chant the newspapers of America, last Friday night. last issue. And they. b~se their statements on the recent poll which, prepared by Possessing a fascina- Dr. Campofreda has developed a fine the Ass~ClatlOnof College Editors and conducted by the Litem1'y Digest, ting and con tag i 0 us cure for throat troubles. (Try it some- PERSONALS- had as Its purpose to gather enough student opinion to decide intelli- smile, an unusually ami- time.) I'm glad to see that "Peck" has just gently what collegians think about world peace. cable disposition, and an There were a few "joyous" people at about given up. The Digest peace poll attracted answers from over 300,000 college exceptional capacity for the dance the other night. But every- From the looks of things, "Luke" is students. From these replies the most significant conclusions were that responsibility, "Johnnie" thing seemed "Rosy". just starting the game. the majority of students were emphatically opposed to war and that they Stallings easily gains the After seeing the play, "Are Men Su- Some certain people had a "design for would refuse to bear arms for the United States in the invasion of the name of "campus lead- John Stallings perior", my vote is three ayes and a lh-illg" recently. You'd be that sur- borders of another country. Many hundreds also declared they would er". who-rah. prised if you knew their names! not bear arms if the borders of the United States were invaded. And it Stallings is the president of the class Things I Could Do Without- MOONERS- is upon such information that Mr. William Randolph Hearst and other of '35, and has expertly guided the var- 1. Smoke chiselers, . flamboyant thinkers base their constant cries against anything that looks ied acti vi ties of the seniors, He is also 2. Freshmen at the heads of tables Randle, J,-Price (Promising). or sounds "socialistic." the president of the Alpha Gamma Tau during lunch. Randle, E. - Weber (Quiet but B1!t the truly significant result of the peace poll (and, incidentally, fraternity, the vice-president of the 3, The freshman pun club. (We steady). the pomt that Mr. Hearst and his followers fail to understand) is not Men's Student Government Association, tried for four years to get one Reckord - Wigley (Questionable). that the collegiate minds of America are becoming contaminated with the treasurer of the Inter-Fraternity senior man to stop his punning, Kimmey - Bowen (Taps). perfidious thoughts, but rather that students are learning not to think Council, and the assistant business man- and we have :finally partially suc- Dudley - Byrd (Still walking). the thoughts which for centuries have kept nations at each other's ager of the 1935 Aloha. ceeded.) Grimm - Gilbert (Satisfactory). throats and the rivers of the world running with blood. As the future "J ohnnie" is enrolled in the depart- 4. Bells-and belles. Stevens - Little (Ducky). of mankind depends on the success of this new student thought the ment of education, and is working for 5. Girl chiselers. EXTRA!! "big thinkers" of the older generation should soon realize that cdllege graduation honors in mathematics and 6. The mob scene staged by the men Congratulations, Johnnie l\fanspeak- students are capable of thinking about more than "~E:l4 and alcohol"! physics. (you're welcome) in the dining er! At least you're true to W. M. C. \