Page 48 - TheGoldBug1933-34

PAGE TWO The Gold Bug, Western Maryland College, Westminster, Md. Passing in Review THE SPICE OF L I FE By BRADY O. BRYSON Colorado's Sweet THE RAPE OF THE LOCK the house is a philanthropist who spends After listening to Governor Sweet's (193'4 version) his money "sending American mission- address in chapel two weeks ago·, one can aries to China, Chinese missionaries to In- Official student newspaper of Western Maryland College, pnblished on Thursday easily understand why he has had such a 'I'he scene is a bright cheerful room dia, and Indian missionaries to Chicago. " during the academic year by the students of Western Maryland College, Westminster, brilliant political career. He is one of permeated with the essence of English After murdering the old man and cram- Maryland. Entered as second-class matter at the Westminster Postoffiee. the most striking, forceful speakers that literature and dining-room stew. The ming his pockets with gold pieces, Heze- SUBSCRIPTION PRICE $1.00 A YEAR we have heard on a very timely topic in sweet young heroine, the Beauteous Be- kaih hears the approaching police. He quite a while. linda Blondilocks, innocently enters the decides to set fire to the house and to es- EDITORIAL STAFF His remarks were inescapably stimulat- scene of the approaching tragedy and cape in the confusion, A fusillade be- Editor-in-Chief - _ _ DENNIS J. BROWN, '35 ing; one couldn't listen and fail to be- unwittingly (and half-wittedly) sits tween Hezekiah and the police force lasts Associate Editors PAUL SCHWEIKER. 35, EDITH FORNEY, '35 gin some private speculation on the sub- down upon what is to be the Seat of' for an hour. Finally, Hezekiah throws News Editors _ ROBERT BROOKS, '36, FRANCES ELDERDICE, '35 ject. In the early part of his speech he Doom. Aha l The villian enters. Hiss l aside his revolver and receives the police Copy Editors IDAMAE RILEY, '36, HAROLD WHITE, '36 Sports Editors WILSON NICHOLS, '35, F&ANCES GLYNN, '35 commented in an interesting way about Hiss l (J eers from the mob), It is the with folded arms. FMtul'e Editor _ ROSALIE SILBERSTEIN, '36 the opposite forces of liberalism and con- Perfidious Petrie (alias Beau Brummel , , Hayloft, " said the chief of police, servatism in national politics, and pointed Beauchamp). Armed to the teeth, he MAKE-UP STAFF out that he believed liberal policies to be mockingly brandishes his deadly pocket- "I arrest you for murder, burglary, ar- MQIIl,agingEditol· _ _. _" HERBERT STEVENS, '36 more effective in handling emergencies. knife. Will no one rescue the Beauteous son, and conspiracy. You put up a Assista1~t Managing Ediior« MANSELL STEVENS, '35, HUGH CHAPMAN, '36 splendid fight, old man, and I am only A thought struck me at that point. Belinda ~ (Cries of resentment from the sorry that it is our painful duty to arrest BUSINESS STAFF I wonder 'how many people realize that angry mob) All, waitl The hero, the Business Marw,ger F. KALE MATHIAS, '3'5 almost all great reform movements once gallant Sir Steadfast Stevie approaches. you." Advertising Manager EDWARD BEAUCHAMP. '36 occupied a position very comparable to Will he save hed Alas-it is too late l As Hayloft appeared below, a great Assistl1lnt Adve1·tising Ma1wger _ JOHN WARMAN, '37 cheer went up from the crowd. " True Circn~lation Managltl's _ THOMAS EVELAND, '36, OLIVE BUTLER, '35 that of the much despised "Red" organ- Already has the villi an accomplished his courage always appeals to the heart of izations whose representatives rave and treachery. Smirking with satisfaction he Assistant Circulation Managers rant on the corners of East Baltimore exhibits the product of his crime-the the people." Hayloft realized that a ANDREW RILEY, '36 MARTHA MCCULLOUGH, '37 Street. The radicals of today are simply shining strand of golden hair which he new life had opened for him. He was no RALPH LUMAN, '37 ROSALIE GILBERT, '36 the liberals of tomorrow. And as soon as has purloined from the head of the fair longer a despised outcast. He had enter- REPORTERS their doctrines are embraced by the lib- maiden with the aid of his trusty pocket- ed the American criminal class. eral parties, clothed in terms of democ- knife. Curses l Zwounds l The Beaute- After being outfitted by the leading Brady Bryson, '35; Guy Griffen, '36; Kenneth Plummer, '37; Charles Read, '36; ha berdashers, feted by the city officials, Reynolds Simpson, '36. racy rather than socialism, and thrust on ous Belinda weeps. The Steadfast Stevie and lauded by the newspapers, Hezekiah Elizabeth Byrd, '36; Sally Price, '37; Orpha Pritchard, '35; Jane Roof, '36; the people by liberal politicians, they are consoles. The audience laughs. The cur- is made managing director of the Burg- Helen Stump, '36. considered great legislation. tain falls. lars' Security Corporation, and is regard- Abolitionists undoubtedly were once ed as one of the rising financiers of the Worthy opinion; Model management; Correct news. thought of as being rank fanatics. And The football squad of Washington and country. as for women's suffrage-Dr. Whitfield Jefferson College, Washington, Pennsyl- is fond of giving a very graphic descrip- "Unfounded satire." "An exaggerat- D I T o R I A L tion of how crazy the immemorable vania, are up in the air because spinach ed picture of America l " will say many a day served at the "Mrs. Bloomer", pioneer in the move- is being table. only twice menu submit- readers. But is it so exaggerated' A request training ment, was considered. The socialists riot "CITY TO WELCOME BANDIT'S Dress Reform The proper clothes at the proper time are essential to and clamor for government owned and ted by the gridders for Sunday dinner DAUGHTER" is the headline of a recent the well-dressed and well-groomed man. Considering controlled industry. Furthermore, it can- follows: Spinach salad, spinach soup this standard, all present indications point to the fact that Western not be denied that we are rapidly ap- boiled spinach garnished with tobasco newspaper article. The article continues a description of Celia with of t.he visit Maryland College is seriously in need of a dress reform among tile men proaching such a system. sauce, spinach pie, and spinach ice cream. Villa, daughter of Francisco Villa, fa- students. Governor Sweet, calling himself a lib- Whatf No spinach' mous Mexican bandit chieftain. Her visit The idea of dress reform is not a new one. In the latter part of the to add to to eighteenth century this very idea led to a radical change of men's clothes eral, proposed a small fixed dividend of is one stop on a tour designed language, in a return on all stocks, be paid and her command of the English under the guidance of the now famous Beau Brummel. Throughout the that great surplus which companies would Stephen Leacock in the N O1!.8IJnSe Nov- order that she may win a Hollywood con- nineteenth century, one style changed so quickly to another that the men have in prosperous times to the laborer. els has written a superb satire on Ameri- tract. Discovered during the filming of a began to rival the women in variety and number of clothes. In more Ten years ago only a radical would have can legal delays, in wheh he wields a picture based on the life of her notorious recent years, the popularity of formal evening attire, business clothes, said that. But today such a doctrine is sharp crack at the American attitude of the promised been and sport suits has promoted still further the idea of discriminating liberalism. hero-worship surrounding the characters father, before girl the has camera within three a chance dress among men. So it is that Western Maryland is in need of a dress of gang leaders and their associates. In months provided she learns to "spik reform; not a reform that will be revolutionary, but rather one that Having once considered them in this this story, Hezekiah Hayloft, the Hero in Eengleesh". Upon her arrival, Senorita will correct and perfect the existing condition of dress on the "HilL" light, perhaps we can regard the" Reds" Homespun, spends fourteen miserable Villa received the traditional welcome to Many men students at Western Maryland seem to lack the knowl- with less suspicion, and call them ad- weeks in New York, looking for employ- edge of what to wear and when to wear it. Students not only appear vanced reformers rather than enemies of ment. One evening he. resolves that, hav- the city. She was presented the skeleton the centers through key, conducted of in- in the dining hall without coats and neckties, but many of the men come the state. ing exhausted fair means, he will try foul terest, and entertained at various func- to their classes dressed in ragged sweaters, torn shirts, linen trousers, According to the ex-governor of Colo- ones. Reeling from the effects of thir- tions. bedroom slippers, and parts of their athletic suits. This type of dress rado, the real enemy of the state is the teen egg phosphates and a sarsaparilla lessens any atmosphere of dignity that is present in the classrooms. After ultra-conservative who refuses to cooper- soda, he hisses, "Crime, crime-that's An exaggerated picture of America f all, hats were not meant to be sketching pads, sweaters were made to be ate with the very liberal method by which what I want." Hezekiah then rushes Welll If Senorita Villa were the daugh- worn with their right sides out, vests should be kept buttoned, and the country is meeting the depression. This down the street to a novelty shop, buys a ter of Professor X who had discovered shoes have laces for a definite purpose. . is true in a limited sense. It does not special revolver for evening wear and, the unknown quantity (or sumpin') It is not to be gathered that the men students are criticised for not mean that there is no place for the con- selecting an imposing Fifth Avenue resi- would she have received such a vociferous always appearing in immaculate suits and complete 'wardrobe attire. servative in the government, for con- dence, calmly decides to rob and murder welcome' One wonders. Perhaps Steph- Quite often financial difficulties make it impossible for us to dress as servatism often prevents drastic steps, the owner. He is graciously ushered into en Leacock's book should have been well as we should like. Nevertheless, neckties, shoes, and coats should but it does mean that in times of emer- the mansion by the butler and informed called, not Nonse-nse Novels, but Sense have their place in every man's wardrobe and some discrimination con- gency the only salvation is quick action. where he can find the man of the house, Novels. cerning proper dress should be employed by everyone. The plunge must be taken-there can be whom he wishes to rob. The owner of R. G. S. Realizing that editorial criticism should never be expressed without no time for dallying with decisions. And offering at the same time some suggestion for improvement, the founda- too often the conservative is too ready to tion for a dress reform will be briefly but definitely outlined. In the hold back and think it over. THE MOURNERS' BENCH first place, it is suggested that coats and ties should always be worn in The Governor said that it is possible the classrooms and in the dining hall. Secondly, athletic suits should that we can undergo economic revolution be worn only in those places for which they are intended-the athletic but still maintain Our government in its field and the gymnasium. Thirdly, it should be remembered that a per- present form. But economic reform such DISCOVERY ANNOUNCEMENT son is judged first of all by his appearance-then dress accordingly. By as the N.R.A. cannot be permanent with- Recently discovered that the acoustics following these simple rules, a much needed dress reform can be brought out a political revolution. The reason is are much better in the loft of Alumni .... The Department of Military about at this institution. simple. Big business controls the govern- Hall. Doubtless others have found a Science and Tactics nas requested us ment until public opinion is roused by a like" satisfaction' '-eh, Ramblers' ... to announce that each invitation to the crying need to demand reform. And as Military Ball in 1935 will be accom- The Grand Canyon has erupted--lots Three Little Words The new staff of the GOLD BUG received its first soon as prosperity returns and hard times of saccharine to season the "Brain panied by a shining pair of ice skates. suggestion-or was it a criticism 1-in the form cease to prod Johnny Q. Public, he will Rust" ... Newspapers are getting more of an anonymous letter. This letter, mailed in the city of Baltimore on settle down to a placid life, forget his Wirt and Wirt every day .... April 21 and received by the editor on the following Monday, contained government, and allow big business to a clipping of the" Hazel and Hazelnut" announcement that appeared in erase the N.R.A. out of the picture. · ... Student dress rehearsals for title THINGS WE COULD DO WITHOUT: the last (April 19) issue of the GOLD BUG. Attached to this clipping of "Betty Co-ed" are being conducted was a suggestion-or criticism-that the sender wished to express. Be- each afternoon and evening on the side .... Rah-Rah boys .... low is a reproduction of the contents of the letter. steps of McDaniel Hall .... all are par- · Anonymous letters to the edi- CONTEST- ticipating .... NOTE TO NOTICE CHIN CHAT ANTS: Smile .. be coy .. smile .. tor . Due to the death of "Hazel and Hazelnut", the GOLD BUGis in need of a new column. Student suggestions concerning a substitution for this · ... Our "Feathered Friends" have · ... Krunch ice-cream .... late column will be welcomed by the staff. Write your suggestions on Our impressions of some famous peo- started their annual spring migration · ... The Cafeteria talking-machine .... a slip of paper and place it in the GOLD BUG box (under the porch of the ple : · Goodbye, Sally .... Okay, Chicago. main building) or hand your suggestion to any members of the staff. Clark Gable-ears and lard. · Fate hath decreed that the most · ... ' 'Grille-girls' , .... IT IS SAID: Grefa Garbo-orchids and mush. popular of all college activities .... · ... Monday morning chapel "pass- These last three words, capitalized and followed by a colon, were Huey Long-a bartender at Sloppy extra curricular has been denied a outs" .... (week-ends exempt) ...• typewritten on a slip of paper which was pasted to the bottom of the Joe's. practice field Lacrosse' · ... "Pop quizzes" .... (local or resi- clipped announcement. The question naturally arises as to just what Lionel Barrymore-a ham sandwich. these three little words mean. Are they to insinuate that if suggestions Ethel Barrymore-a ham sandwich and dence) .... were made the staff would not accept them, or do they mean to hint that a sour pickle. FLASH · ... Molded stage smiles .... ' , Three the "Hazel and Hazelnut" column is not really dead, or are they just · ... Bigger and better sofas in Fresh- ba bes in three days" .... a suggestion 1 Strange words, indeed. Eddie Cantor-twice told tales. man Dorm .... " The better to chat Another interesting observation concerning this letter is that the Aimee McPherson-magnanimity and with you, my dear." .... · ... " Goon -sisters ' , .... address on the envelope and the three little words at the bottom of the boloney. · ... What rather debonair individual · ... Dancera with heavy eyelids .... announcement were typewritten by different machines. Therefore, it Kate Smith-bon-bons and malted (also heavy feet) .... may be concluded that the contents of the letter were prepared on the milk. was seriously disconcerted upon falling off a curb recently' "Here's mud on "Hill" and, quite probably, forwarded to Baltimore for addressing and Will Rogers-humor and bad English. mailing. Groucho Marx-an escaped lunatic. your suit" ..•. All of which, when analyzed, means that someone took a roundabout · ... Gold discovered by W. M. boys ... SUGGESTION way of expressing an opinion. This opinion, nevertheless, may be taken Bing Crosby-love and sour grapes. lots of "panning" in Smith Hall Fri- a half dozen different ways-as a criticism, suggestion, compliment, or Professor Einstein-genius and salted day night ...• Will Rogers says: "Prisoners leaving whatnot. Likewise, the source and the validity of this opinion are left nuts. · ... The Bench wishes to extend its modern jails unexpectedly should in. to hang in mid-air. Considering these inconsistencies, the new staff of John Dillinger-Jesse James with a sympathies to Misses Bowen, Howie, checking out kindly let the warden the GOLD BUG would much prefer to receive letters that are more signifi- machine gun. and Messrs. Hand, Ward, Cairnes .... know, Sf) he will know how many there cant and less mysterious. Mae We~t-(censored). "The early bird catches the worm." will be for supper."