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SEPTEMBER 30,2005 - Page 8 COMMENTARY Gaining New Perspective After Loss of a Loved One SHELLY HORN Oriole game, a Frederick Keys gen tanks, scheduling and couple weeks worth of dates, fast, downward spiral in her STAFF WRITER that this health and her loss of physical game, dinner theater, a play, a transporting to appointments. Change. Growth. theme park, a water park, a Inevitably, as she began to hospice schedule, like a independence - and watching Spontaneity. Many people beach trip ... the list was fairly have more complications and semester, had an end date. her meticulously plan in enjoy a life filled with the long and summer had not yet her health deteriorated, they But that date preparation for the ultimate unpredictable and feel stifled begun. needed help - someone just to was up in the air - unplanned change - her impending death by regimen. Not me. In fact, I completed my last sit with her, feed her, and talk Writing in too few care - caused a change in me as for the most part, I'm the polar final exam at 11:30 a.m. on to her while they worked, appointments made me feel well. opposite. May 12th. This sigh of relief went grocery shopping or just like a pessimist and yet Iknew Igained new perspec- That's not to say that r was a short one. left to get some fresh air. that writing in too many tive on the changes in my life don't like to try new things. I On Friday, May 13th, They asked for my would be painful later, as each that I consider to be difficult; I do - as long as 1 know the my mother-in-law was admit- help and we mapped out turn of a page would remind learned that anxiety and stress date, time, and place - and it's ted to the hospital for health dates/times that I would me of her death. should be reserved for those planned far enough in complications caused by her come over to give them a l decided to write in situations that truly warrant advance for me to comfortably recent cancer treatments. She reprieve. With my mechanical only two weeks at a time. it. approach it. I've never been was too weak to endure fur- pencil pressed to my Six weeks later, she' My anxiety over one to embrace change and, ther treatments and, with no DayRunner, anxiety quickly died. minor schedule changes or until recently, became slightly other medical recourse, she set in - not only about the care ln those six weeks, for disruptions to routine became anxious in the face of it. was released from the hospital giving aspect, but all of it which I'm thankful, J learned trivial. I'm now thankful that Toward the end of the into family hospice care. It occurred to me with quite a bit at least my routine eventually spring semester, 1 looked for- She lived with her a rush of vertigo that I could- about my mother-in-law, her returns to normal. Turning ward to my first class-free husband and daughter in n't plan all strength, her faith, and her pale and gasping for breath summer season in four years. Owings Mills who took care of this out. wil!ingness to contemplate when my oldest daughter I dutifully began making a list all her daily needs; medica- When classes begin, I and embrace change in the mentions getting her driver's of things to do with family tion, meal preparation, docu- write them in for the whole face of the worst possible cir- license became melodramatic. and friends, once final exams mentation of blood pres- semester. It cumstances. Watching her At least I'll be around were completed: a concert, an sure/heart rate, changing oxy- struck me, as I penciled in a cope with radical change - a to watch her drive. (Continued from the center spread) many people view us as unpatriotic and not supporting the troops, but that couldn't be more wrong. We do support the troops and that is why we want them to come home instead of die in a war based on lies. Secondly, any real Christian knows that the Bible says, "pray for your enemies" and "thou shall not kill." In fact, some protestors carried signs that read, "What would Jesus do?" followed by horrific pictures of killed and wounded civilians, mostly women and children. To proclaim that Bush is a Christian and therefore a righteous leader is one of the worst arguments for this war I have ever heard. How can he be pro-life when he supports so many losing their lives in the war? At the end of the day, my throat was sore from scream- ing so much. I am against the war in Iraq and I am fortunate J have the freedom in this country to express my opinion. Just because I think our government is making some bad decisions, doesn't mean I am unpatriotic. I love my country and that is exactly why 1 question its leaders. We must remember that the people should have the power in a democracy and not allow ourselves to be lead blindly. My hope as an activist for peace on this campus is to encourage students to become more aware of the problems in the world around them. To think for themselves and let their opinions be heard. To be the difference that makes DEVENV a difference. Cit"ldy Sheehan, the slait"l soldier's mother who camped outside Presidet"l! Bush's Texas home, at"ld Reveret"ld Jesse Jackson (center) jDin thc rally for peace Cost of War Involves Much More than Cash (Continued from the uncommon for someone who tion, he has lost all hearing in that could allow only so much mally again. His injuries will cell ter spread) presence. had undergone such trauma his right ear. He has a metal time off for flights back and limit him for the rest of his life. Terry was in the hos- to remember anything about rod holding in place his still forth ad"OSS country on a They will prevent him from pital for two months. Every what had happened to them. broken femur. His calf will weekly basis. engaging in simple pleasures day T sat beside him, not He remembered every detail. never build up to an even So many of us observe that may lie ahead such as allowing myself to cry so that One night in LCU. he cried somewhat norma! muscle the frequent updates on the running around playfully I may offer him all of my telling me that every time he again. Despite all of these mis- War in Iraq on TV or in the with his future children. Sadly, strength. For the first few closed his eyes he heard the fortunes, in some ways, Terry newspaper; we hear about the he is one of thousands of weeks, l.was not allowed kiss wheezing sound of Maida's is lucky. He can live at borne soldiers killed and wounded. wounded soldiers who have him and only allowed to touch last breaths. That was the only and commute to Walter Reed. While people show sympathy. returned home, many of him wearing latex gloves. The time I let myself cry in front of He can hug his family and talk for these men and women, whom face similar losses. doctors were still concerned him. Even the nurse cried as to his friends. He can kiss his rarely do they truly consider So the next time you about foreign bacteria that the she listened to us talk girlfriend and take comfort in the nightmares that unfold hear the statistics on the cost insurgents could have incor- Now, over three the presence of loved ones. every day. For every soldier of this war, think not only porated into the construction months after the horrible inci- Spending so much killed in the Middle East, a about the amount of cash of the bomb to cause severe dent, Terry is finally at his time there I met many soldiers family must get the news by a invested, but also the number infection. I stayed overnight in home in Gaithersburg. and learned many stories. man in uniform showing up at of casualties. Know that his hospital room at least three Because he lives so near to the Most of the soldiers were from their door. For every soldier America's investment in this nights a week, alternating hospital, he is able to be driv- out of state and were only wounded, there is a family war involves cashing in not shifts with his sister and mom. en there a few days a week for given an opportunity to visit receiving a phone call like the only soldier's lives, but thou- We never left him alone for an array of doctor's appoint- home for a few weeks after one I got which changed my sands of their relatives and fear that a haunting memory ments and physical therapy so spending months in a hospital life. Almost every call means a loved ones as well. This of his experience would awak- that he may learn to walk room, miles away from their loss, whether that loss be a life tragedy confirms that in the en him. It did quite frequently. again. He is permanently families. Many family mem- or a lifestyle. Terry will not be life of a soldier's girl, no news The doctors said it was very blind in his right eye. In add i- bers were forced to leave jobs, able to hear, see, or walk nor- is good news.