Page 64 - Phoenix2002-03

Wednesday, November 6, 2002 - Page 8 COMMENTARY Sniper incidents question Problems within the union our comfort zones Dan Hamvas proposes that there chine," So, I refer these people to the "other ma- for the hell of it, might just which, is a so-called Xerox conspiracy not work either sometimes (paper overfed, While it would seem that we have caught damental objection to the American legal theory. focus messed up, makes copies black-~n- the "Beltway Snipers." it would be horribly system, I cringe at the thought of what it black, little non-union guy has quarrel WIth wrong to think we are out of the woods yet. might allow to happen this time around. Okay! With this one, I might just be dig- wife, other little slave guy has to go to the As I said in my last column, catching the Even if these men are shown to have com- ging my own grave, but as I am on the ulti- immigration office for bureaucratic business, assailants who had, up until two weeks ago, mitted these crimes without question, there mate quest for truth (as the credo of my etc.). Now, throughout daytime, this is all terrorized the D.C. area is only part of the always remains the chance that a legal "loop- knighthood), I just can't let this one pass cool. There is usually a boss around, some- without my adding to it. battle. hole" could impair the service of justice, or body, who is above these immigrant scoun- Now that we've caught them, what ex- even allow these men 10 walk free. So this next one is about a firm belief of drels and is able to fix the problems, and actly are we going to do? Can we, as a country, really allow this to ~ne. ~do believe (besides that Internet porn squash the riots. But these ranking officers As we tend to be when it comes to mal- happen? IS a bliss, and that X-mas gifts come from are not college students; they have Jives, they ters like this, we are not a society quite ready We've already begun. the government, and that there is a life be- have a home and a family to leave for at the for what faces us. Now, before I go any further, let me state fore death ... and that the G-spot exists), that end of the day (because they have an end of We've got ajustice system that is founded that I am not suggesting we do anything un- there lives a tiny little worker in every single the day in the first place). After that - it's on the concept of "innocent until proven constitutional to the accused. Xerox-(and other brand copier) machine. I just us. Us, and them. Hence, myself never After all, someone HAS to be the "good have also come 10 the conclusion, that these having seen one with my own very eyes. But guy" in the face of certain evil, and that is, guys form a society rather similar to ours. that's because they hide, that's all there is to without a doubt, the role America should This means, some machines have some well- it. 1 know for a fact they are there. The voices play: after all, being the "good guy" has compensated professional workers, whereas in my head tell me). Plus, I might add, that a never done us wrong in the past. others have cheap-labor, immigrant, iUegal functional and service-ready machine is no However, I do believe that an example aliens, while others again, hide underpaid guarantee either that the eager customer will needs to be made here. little egos trying to just hang on in there in a be able to realize his long pursued fantasies Those who shoulder the burden of deliv- bureaucratic society which only knows num- of getting his own, personal copy of one of ering justice need to send the message that bers, but no mercy. However, the most im- Dr. Franke's or Dr. Armstrong's kazillion re- this sort of activity will never be tolerated in portant distinction between these tiny men serves. our society. is still the one between union and non-union Oh, no my friends! And here is where I workers. While we all have the right to buy guns get to figure, that the non-unionists are ac- (even the very stupid among us), we also all The union workers get medical, dental, tually foreign-labor. Because either A) they thereby have an obligation to see that those and food-coupons, and work from 9 a.m. to can't read, or B) they don't understand the rights we hold dear are never taken advan- 4 p.m. when they get off to grab a beer and working of the credit-card system - clear tageof. work on their Beetles and Minis (for I have proof of their coming from some third-world never seen a dwarf drive a Mac truck). Along the lines of something Dennis country. Raise your hands, if you ever had Miller once said, we need fewer hung juries the experience that you put your card inLO Throughout opening hours these guys the slot and it said: "Card at maximum." Mike Wiles Those who shoulder the hustle like no one else, so I have no doubts Raise them high, so I can see. that they deserve what they get. The United For you, I shall now translate, what the burden of delivering guilty," which includes a fair trial, but can States respects harmless minorities though, little man is saying in broken English. !t we, as a country, REALLY deliver this in justice need to send the so they do have the choice to follow these means, that your card cannot be processed if light of how we've suffered? weird patterns of behavior if they really want one of the strips has more than 20 $ on it The crime these men will stand trial for message that this sort of to. Let us then quickly, just for the sake of (no! sure which one, because it is supposed is, without question, one formally beyond activity will never be objectivity, list all the options these fools to be the thin, but I had the same message comprehension. have to fulfill their perverted desires. So ... when I only had 9 $ on that one). In the last two years, America has faced tolerated in our society. we have That is completely logical, right? You a 10l of things that were once thought be- the two photocopiers in the library. Then we have too much money - so screw you! I yond comprehension, but we, as a people, and more hung defendants. have the two photocopiers in the library. And wouldn't work for some rich, show-off bas- have yet to do anything in order to cope with While justice might be blind at times, then the two photocopiers in the library. tard either, when I hustle for the half of mini- the inevitable "next round." snipers never are. And ... .did I mention the two photocopiers mum wage with no tip. Besides, peop~e Our legal system is just one social agent I sincerely hope, as this social nightmare in the library? Oh, I must surely have. Be- should know better by now; watch any mOVIe that is currently not up to the challenge. continues to unfold, that those with the power cause THAT'S ALL THERE IS. Two copi- - too much of the Benjamins always means With the national news coverage these will keep that in mind. ers with a handful of imported, foreign, En- trouble, man! attacks received, can twelve "impartial" As I've said before, more rides on this glish-nan- speaking, cheap-labor workers. But hey! The bright side is, that now you people be located to judge these men? case than just the fate of two men: our very Now, the strictly logical observer might know, that the little kobold inside the ma- Can criminals that made the covers of way of life indeed hangs in the balance. claim, that "two copiers are one more than chine is sympathizing with the communists. both Time and Newsweek ever really be as- Let's all hope our society doesn't col- one person can use at a given point in time- So, next time you go, have a couple p~ges sessed without the stigma put upon them by lapse anymore. especially with a floor separating the two photocopied from Marx or Lenin as a kick- the media? Sadly, it almost certainly will. from each other". And you know what? I'll off, and he'll be your bitch. Let's hope so, because it's the only Hold onto your seats; we've only begun give that to you. Because that is correct. that the machine is ~ot Point is though, chance we're allowing ourselves to serve jus- our decent. That is, until one of the non-unionist working, and you still don't have any copies tice. -Mike Wiles is a senior English units decides on a strike, or a sabotage, or a as of right now. And you are legitima~elY While I personally have never had a fun- major. coup against the reigning regime of the dic- pissed off at everyone (including the It.ttle tatorial evening-hour circulation-desk per- guys inside the BRAND NEW photOCOpiers s?~n.el. And let us not even consider the pos- - apparently it's the same workers, only the s1b~hty of bo.th machines collaborating in house was renovated). ~elr blackmrul-conspiracy for higher wages, And I am wondering whether w.e cou;~ bigger cars, or the accommodation and citi- do something to solve these shenanigs'"" VOLUNTEERS NEEDED zenship of their whole family. Because if this mean, I can imagine a whole lot of solutions, McDaniel College's ha~pens, needs. boy, you're f'd with your little none of which includes human sacrifice to whiny Volunteer the ancient god of Xerox. Income Tax Program Does that happen a lot though? No! Ev- Supposing, they put more photocopie~s ery .other day, maybe. But the lucky ones getting stuck feel like it always happens, and in the building. Or they would grant paid access through the circulation-desk atten- :~:~s ;i:~~~:~u::.call me a slanderer dants to Operate the big-boy in the back .. VITA work there, and I have people coming that I country _ check; check for you guys: tree ~ reality Quick fact is, though, The unfortunate decisions individual up to me every week ~at least twice - in my 13 check; different life-schedules - check, Learn how to prepare relatively simple income tax returns and earn work hours), asking for the location of "th 27000 $ a year _ check; we are fed uP.- 11- _ check; needs attention Check; problem inttrDSbip eredlts while you learn. Contact Susan' Milstein in the other machine", because "the one they w e legal hobbit in the machine needs to go; Busioess.Economics Department at x24S6. Training wilJ take place on usingjust now" is dysfu~ctionaJ (paper-j:~~ check; thanks for eventual response-chec , ?o .pa~r at all, low on ink, little slave guy Saturday. January 25, Saturday, February I, and Saturday. February 8. The inside IS on lunch break: or left to see the end of article - check ... actual preparation of tax returns will take place during tax season 2003. doctor, because the "moving light ahov hi -Dan Hamvas is a senior head is giving him migraine-attacks", e~c)I.S communications major.