Page 30 - Phoenix1999-2000

Thursday. October 21, 1999 - Page 6 COMMENTARY Staff The Pub's four-star dining experience: Editor-In-Chief Megan K. Martin '01 Journey to the dark side Editor EmerituslWebmaster Emily Stamathis '00 The intention of the WMC Pub (or Grille, Kristen G. Fraser decries the other side. That soda machines is perpetu- Managing E~itor if you've had the privilege of having heard lackluster operation and ally unused and broken. Jcnifer D. Sirkis '01 that) is to supplement the meal plan and pro- appearance of the school Pub. A second attempt to avoid depression is Assistant Managing Editor vide a social environment for students. They made as Bob hears something that almost Stacie Underwood '0 I accomplish this goal only minimally. We counter, stocked with his third choice of sounds like his name. being called over the need to improve the Pub, for the listofprob- chips. News Editor loudspeaker. After responding in a record two Lisa Dale-VanAuken '02 lems is long while the list of benefits is short. As he waits for his food, Bob goes out in and a half seconds, his name is called again, The staff and management of the Pub are search of a_table. He finally encounters a this time impatiently. Features Editor Sarah Radice '01 a source of much discussion. Where to be- sticky table, covered with ketchup and Obviously, warp speed is required for gin? This subject itself could be the source mounds of trash. Lovely, isn't it? picking up food in the Pub. Commentary Editor of a very long tirade. The staff of the Pub He looks around the Pub, noticing its After receiving a dirty look for the crime Kristen G. Fraser '00 exhibits many qualities of incompetence. sparse conditions and lowly decorations. Bob of picking up food, Bob returns to his seat. Assistant Commentary Editor It is the tendency of the Pub staff to un- hearkens back to the memories of other col- As he is about to start his French fries, he Edward Schultheis '03 intelligibly shout the name of the food, if they leges where he was filled with a sense of notices that there is no ketchup to be found Sports Editor are not spending their time mumbling or school pride as he walked into their version short of licking it off the table. MikeYestramski'OI whispering the name in a manner that is im- of the Pub. So, Bob braves the line AGAIN, and Assistant Sports Editor possible to hear. The staff has been known, . Chris Anastasia '02 Their version was filled with school peacefully requests ketchup. Apparently, the on more than one occasion, to yell the name memorabilia and other indications of school ketchup is being hidden behind the counter. Art Editor/ArchivisULayout quite short-temperedly, in a tone of voice pride. Bob finally receives his ketchup and moves ' Michael Puskar '99 leaving everyone wondering why Charlie He remembers old sports memorabilia on to eat. Senior Writers Brown's teacher showed up to work a shift and pictures ofthe mascot plastered promi- It was a good thing he found a table when Erin Howard '00 at our humble institution. nently. Nothing like that can be found here, he did, for now the Pub is completely full. Erin Jcrnigan '00 Jennifer Ross '00 Often, the line to place an order is incred- only green walls. There is little room anywhere in the crowded ibly long, held up.by an obviously under- Starting to feel depressed, Bob is driven environment for any more people. Photographers staffed team of workers. Nia Clements '02 to the soda machine to fill his drink. Out of Bob looks forward to refilling his drink. Trang Dam '00 This is usually followed by the wait of as habit, he presses the ice dispenser. He fills it and gulps down the flat soda. KaseniaLantzky'99 long as an hour for food. The average wait Naturally, it is empty. Why should there He wonders why he wastes his time; this Erin Owen '01 seems to be about 45 minutes if there is any- Hussein Sammer'OO be ice there? ' would be the tenth time that he could poten- Brad Widner '03 one in line ahead of your order. So, Bob moves on to the big ice container. tially complain about the flatness with little There are so many qualities of incompe- The unsanitary conditions of dirty, collec- effect. Staff Writers Amy Bittinger '01 tence and so little time. tive ice weigh on his mind, but he is sup- Finally, Bob experiences an epiphany Anne Butler '01 Let's imagine a typical scenario for a posed to be relaxing in the Pub, so he puts usually reserved for philosophy class. The Ben Decker '00 WMC student anxious to use a fourth meal. thoughts of germs out of his head. Tara DcllaFranzia '03 Pub staff has no reason to improve. There is Jessica Fitzgerald '03 We'll call him "Bob." He enters the Pub, The loud pumping noise rings in Bob's no competition. Students are too broke to go Staci George '03 fills out a form after deciding that there re- ears as the soda machine indicates that it off campus for food. What will happen if he Shannon Hess '02 ally aren't any decent food choices on his watery Coke Sara E. Hoover '02 needs to be refilled. Undeterred, unites with other students to complain about Matt Hurff'03 list. Undaunted, he decides upon the "wings- fills his cup. poor selection, poor quality soda, or long Michael Jenkinson '02 of-fire" and some French fries. Bob sits down, contemplating which is waits? Jeremy Ked '02 After waiting eight minutes to simply Greg Lederer '01 better: his typical flat soda or his watery soda. Suddenly, his wings don't look so appeal- MalissaMoran'OI hand in his order, Bob walks away from the Of course, Bob knows better than to try the ing. And, by the way. they're cold. Devon Reeser '03 Francesca Saylor '00 Ryan seavon '00 Quirks: A parking lot can be dangerous Rich Simmons '00 Michael Stokes '00 Nykole Tyson '03 "Ah, dam mit!" Isaid, slamming the steer- PhilipVogt '01 Anile Butler tackles the on- could end up paying less, s.ay, twenty dol- ing wheel. campus parking problem with lars instead of the normal thirty," Distribution "What?" Maggie, in the passenger's seat Rich Suchoski '00 solutions. "You know, r like this idea!" Maggie said. asked me. "Yeah," I answered, "I just wish they'd Graduate Assistant "There are no freaking parking spaces in at the squirrel, who refused to move. "You implement it here. Then I might not be wait- YinceChcsncy the Whiteford lot!" I groaned and turned know," Maggie said idly, "It's unregistered ing for a damn squirrel to move so Ican get Adviser around into another row of cars. Maybe a cars and freshmen that clog up all the spaces a space." Terry Dalton spot had magically become free ... or not. in this lot." 1 looked to my left and noticed a car pull- "I hate this! There's never any parking "Freshmen aren't allowed to have cars, ThePhoenixispublishedbiweekly. The ing out in the front row right near the base- spots in here!" J repeated. Maggie." opinions expressed do not necessarily rep- ment entrance. "We could go to the Harrison lot or the "I know that!" Maggie replied, "But they resent those of The Phoenix staff, the fac- Maggie noticed it too. "Gun it before one behind Gill," Maggie suggested. get around it by making some damn excuse ulty, or the administrators ofWMC. someone else gets it!" she yelled. I obliged I replied, "I just don't want to walk that like they have a job or something. I can see and slid in, beating the blue Oldsmobile that The paper welcomes free-lance submis- far, especially at night. Ipay good money to if it's for a medical condition or something, was waiting for it. I noticed the Oldsmobile sionson Macintosh disks in most word pro- cessorformats. Theeditorreservestheright "... freshmen are allowed cars on campus, but they are required to park in a to edit for clarity, length, and libel and to special lot about a mile away from campus itself. " publish as space pennies. All submissions (excluding self-addressed diskettes) become park on campus, and there should be enough but not for just ajob. Freshmen shouldn't be belonged to a freshman I knew. the property of The Phoenix and cannot be spaces here!" allowed cars unless it's for a health reason." "Yes! We did it!" Maggie cried, "We returned. Maggie shrugged and looked out the win- I stretched and stared up at the sky showed that stupid idiot!" Please include a name and phone num- dow. "There's one!" she shouted pointing to through the sunroof. "I rather like the solu- "Yeah!" I watched the freshman gesture berforverification. Names will be withheld . the far right of [he lot. I zoomed over there tion my friend's college has." to me and grinned at him. He was one of only by thediscretionofthe Editor-in-Chief only to find the space already occupied by a "What's that?" Maggie asked. those who'd made up an excuse to have a squirrel. I sighed in frustration. "Well, freshmen are allowed cars on cam- car on campus. He saw the spot I'd been ThePhoenixdoesnotdiscriminafebased "Just park there anyway," Maggie told pus, but they are required to park in a spe- waiting to get and smoothly pulled into it, on age, race. religion, gender, sexual oren- me, "It'1[ probably move." ciallot about a mile away from the campus almost running over the squirrel. The squir- tation, national origin, condition of handi- I shook my head. "I can't take the chance itself. If they park out of this lot, they get a rel jumped on top of his hood and relieved cap, or marital status. that it won't I don't need more retaliation huge fine." himself on the windshield and then ran off. from the squirrel Ma~a. They already killed Maggie considered this. "You know, that I laughed. . Mail to: me three times!" actually seems rather reasonable.Freshmen "What?" The Phoenix Maggie looked from me to the squirrel get to have cars, but we still get to keep our "That squirrel just marked him for a visit WMC, 2 College Hill and back again. "Well... Maybe it'll move if parking spaces." from his 'brothers' tonight," I explained. Westminster, MD 21157 we wait here for a bit." "Yeah, both sides win then. The fresh- Maggie laughed too. "Think we should (410)751-8600 r nodded and put the car in park. "I hope men could have special colored stickers to FAK (410) 857-2729 it moves soon." show that they can only park in that lot. Since warn him?" "Nah. E-Mail: phoenix@wrn