Page 167 - Phoenix1998-99

COMMENTARY Thursday, April 15, 1999 - Page 7 Quirks: Men in Black in Glar part II Jay and Kay are agents of the him, giving him her best Cheshire Anne Butler revisits Western Maryland branch of the grin. cafeteria creditibility in avoid this place when I can." Imean and then burst in a shower of slime. kind of a shame, "That's Men in Black, a top secret organi- "Kid," Kay said, "We gena Englar Dining Hall. they have all of these events now "Aw, jeez, what happened this zation following the movements of roll." too, like the Beach Bash and Pez time?" said Kay. extraterrestrials living on this cam- Jay turned around in surprise. Jay sat down on an empty chair Kay prodded the sandwich. pus. "What up, Kay? and Kay did the same. Night, so it's even fun 10 come here "Jacko's species can't digest tur- Earlier, they foiled an attempt "Jacko's back," Kay replied sometimes," J a c k 0 key. It reacts negatively and causes "Yeah, you can," Jay answered, to remove a ham sandwich from matter-of-facrly, "He reassembled "What the hell do you think you're answered, "The people that work them to have, er, indigestion." Glar, The perpetrator, a registered himself." doing?" here are really nice too." Jay wiped the slime out of his alien named Jacko, ended up ex- Jay gasped. "You serious? That Jacko gulped and looked at his Jay snapped his fingers, "That's hair. ploding and covering the agents in means .... " right! Jacko, you know you can get "Jacko's from a damn screwed the slime. But of course, you don't re- Kay nodded. "Yeah. We're go- companion who was watching to the the fourth meal from 7-12 now, up species." scene. He turned his attention member any of this, do you? ing to Glar," agent. right?" Kay chose not to comment. He Kay searched the secret com- Jay and Kay entered Glar and "I'm, uh, eating, is that Jacko nodded happily, "I know! picked up his communicator and pound of WMC's MIB headquar- found Jacko seated in the back with wrong?" It's great! Ican have ham whenever requested a clean-up unit. He absentmindedly at night!" ters for his partner. Eventually, he another person. They approached Kay spoke, "You caused a ma- picked up a sandwich and started "We gotta flash the students in found Jay in the lounge speaking quietly. Jacko was engaged in eat- jor problem last time you were here?" with Siouxsie. ing one of the ten ham sandwiches here. We just want to know if eating it. Jay nodded, then inclined his "And so the fifth line of on his plate (his species needs ham you're going to again. You still Kay shrugged, "J guess they're head toward Jacko's tablemate. Wordsworth's poem, The Ruined to live), while listening to his friend can't take ham out of here, you doing some stuff right. But, how's "What about her?" the food?" Cottage, reveals a deep under- discuss the TV station. know." Jacko frowned in between bites. He glanced at the girl who was standing of human nature," Kay put his hand on Jacko's Seeing he wasn't in any imme- "It's okay. Pretty much the same as watching them with mild amuse- Siouxsie said. shoulder to get his attention. diate trouble, Jacko relaxed. "Nah, before." ment. "Are you sure? I mean Startled, Jacko looked up with half the new Glar lunch hours allow me "Anne? Oh, she's cool. She's Coleridge was so much more ef- a ham sandwich trailing from his to get lunch now! I had classes all Jay watched Jacko for a minute with the squirrels." fective with gening-" Jay stopped mouth. When he saw who it was, before." then remarked, "Hey, Jacko, Ididn't Jay gave his partner a look. when he noticed Siouxsie was he cringed and swallowed to clear Kay's eyes narrowed, "New know you liked turkey too." "Sometimes you're just too weird, looking behind him, "Unless his mouth hours?" "Turkey?" Jacko stopped chew- even for me." there's a big huge monster behind "Um, uh, hi guys ..." he said his "Yeah, Kay, it's open til3 now. ing and looked at the sandwich he'd "JUS! use the flasher on em, me, cat, l'd appreciate if you paid voice taking on a higher pitch out You didn't know that?" Jay asked been munching on. Indeed, it was kid." Jay pulled out the device. attention to me." of fear, "Can J help you with some- his partner. turkey. "Yeah yeah ... Hey everyone! "It's rather close," Siouxsie told thing?" Kay shook his head. "No. I "NO!!!!!!!" his body expanded Smile!" Suddenly Fighting violence Overworked and underpaid James Gasparo implores sponded by leaving. I escorted the Lisa Dale- VanAuken friends Ask a couple of your campus support for ending young lady to her car and gave her who the most annoying people on appluades the diligence of aware of what is going on around domestic violence my name and number, as well as campus are and chances are they WMC's security force you. If you were totally comfort- other options from which she could will say "campus safety." able, you would be completely vul- I had been debating whether to obtain information. Notorious for crashing parties nerable. write a story on this matter or not. And that is how the matter and smothering fun as a large, might find out that they are regular But you're not, if you're aware people trying to get a job done. Two weeks after a significant event ended. However, the incident both- looming blanket of clouds dampens Campus Safety does what they of what is going on and if you take occurred, I was still debating as to ered me. I was worried that the fe- a barbecue, campus safety officers have to do to keep this campus safe full advantage of all DoCS has to offer. what to do. Then when r was in my male would return to a relationship are not usually on the list of the top and legal. room, thinking about the matter, I that was bad.' I thought about the ten most sought after party guests. Consider this: would you feel This also includes their medi- looked at pictures of friends. many options that I could take. In fact, most of the time they safe if they weren't around all the cal facilities. I know many people J thought about my mother, my Quickly becoming frustrated, I did bring as much fun to a party as an who have been rescued by Campus sister, high school sweethearts, and nothing more than talk to Campus accountant. time? Okay. Maybe you don't feel Safety because of miscellaneous best friends. I looked at their pic- Safety and Susan Glore, an em- medical emergencies. tures and came to my decision. ployee of Smith House. The issue DoCS also deals with extreme Two weeks ago, my friend and died there. Of course we think they're annoying. It's drunkenness when students cannot. I had just gotten out of class, and However, last night, I was look- the age-old conflict of the authority versus Sometimes the people they are we had gone to my dorm room. We ing at a photograph of a sweetheart trying to help are more inclined to soon left and noticed that a couple I had. I thought about if that had the proletariat. punch them than thank them. was in the hall arguing. Feeling been her in the relationship. Then, Their jobs pretty much suck. embarassed, we walked by quickly. llooked at photographs of my close Even if they do manage to bring safe. Maybe you are like some of And the pay is insultingly low. We saw some friends in the hall friends and the members of my fun, they pretty much never bring But after talking with Mike who would and waited for a few minutes talk- family. I felt as if I needed to do beer, just a fat wad of paper to write the people 1interviewed roulette than Webster, I am left with the impres- Russian rather play ing. While saying goodbyes, the something more. If this had hap- you up for alcohol violations. walk across campus alone at night. sion that DoCS is just trying to do male came running down the stairs pened to anyone that I hold close, If you think about it, you just DoCS is understaffed and cer- the best they can to make this soon followed by his former com- 1 feel that I would have acted in a might realize that although DoCS school safe. panion. more determined fashion than how is annoying, they do their jobs well. tainly far from infallible. Whether we like it or not, this She was yelling after him that I did with that woman. But, the care with which they But all things considered, our includes breaking up parties and should he ever hit her again she If you would like to talk about carry out their duties translates situation here could be much worse. leaving the office understaffed un- into, At other colleges I looked would press charges. She spoke of a problem, there are several places from corporate adult-speak into our til qualified people can be found to previous incidents in which the you may go, for example, the po- language as bothersome. I was not really comfortable to walk fill positions. male had hit her. lice, campus safety, and Smith Of course we think they are an- She continued to follow him, House. Smith House is confiden- noying. It's just the nature of things. If you talk to an officer, you just might find and in order to ensure she did not tial and equipped to offer options It's the age-old conflict of author- out that they are regular people. anger him again, I stopped her. I for students. They do not ask you ity versus proletariat. took her up the stairs, and we sat to do anything that is not wanted. And as if that isn't .l.2.8.± alone during the day. on the steps and talked. A few min- I ask anyone who is abused in enough, consider the rumors about This is a small school (as if you So next time you see a campus utes later, the male came up the any way to not feel fear from talk- video cameras installed in Rouzer. couldn't figure that out). safety officer, please restrain the stairs and told me to leave. He then ing out. There are ways to seek But DoCS isn't big brother. I urge to spit. grabbed me, and we argued. After counseling. Keep smiling, and would think that in the end, they When you do have to walk alone You don't have to run to them in shouting a minute or so, we stopped and struggle through a difficult situa- are about as interested in busting at night you are usually people, and and fall on your knees in adoration, other but it might be a good idea to con- distance from shook hands. At this point, my tion. To Western Maryland Col- your party as you are in marching DoCS makes sure that almost ev- sider throwing a smile their way. friends, who had previously left; lege, I ask that you heighten aware- over to the Campus Safety office erywhere is well-lit. Like all of us, they could prob- returned and the situation calmed. ness concerning this problem. Ev- and asking them about how their Besides, doesn't it make sense ably use it. I made it clear that I was not eryone else who is reading, make day went. leaving and that the young lady a stand against this issue. But maybe you should. that you should always feel a little on edge. might leave if she wished. He re- If you talk to an officer, youjust Being scared makes you more