Page 102 - Scrimshaw1979-80

Seumshaw "Good newg" give away Joan Nixon, Director of College ten times t ask some girl they say Activities, announced yesterday take a walk. I wonder what they that the free contraceptive ctve- were doing with " A couple of away sponsored by the new 1n. other guys were seen marking firmery Abortion Service had been names on a list. "on. We're just a huge success. Nearly 600 WMC updating the flies, y'know, getting women, including 90%of the tresh- a better view of the meat market, men class women, flocked to the post office all day yesterday to pick up sealed plastic Good News packages, each containing one eta- phragm, one box of pills, one tn. struction booklet, one oral ther mcmeter. and one stetntess-steer cross. "We included the crosses as a last resort." commented an uni- dentified source in the infirmery. "although I expect some good Christians may use it in a ere-shot deal." Mrs. Nixon said that Dean Latd- law proposed the idea of dls- tributing contraceptives to students in order to cut down on the recent sharp increase in unwanted pregnancies on campus. "A ere. ph'ragm is a girl's best friend," ex- plained the Dean. "It's been going real well," cern- mented Bob Fasano at the extra post office, window where the giveaway was being held. Asked why he was there, Bob said he had Hedding Carter has revealed today that Benr.Sedr, the president been asked by the inflrmery to of Iran, is in fact officer Bob Facano's long lost brother. guard the boxes of packages from Suspicion was first aroused by an extraordinary similarity be theft. "It's been bad enough with tween the two, both in appearance and In effectiveness. When press all our toilet paper stock disep- ed by this reporter Facano revealed the sad story of his brother, nt. ·pearing." tie Benny Fasano. Benny was carried off as an infant by a wander Bob also said the giveaway was ing band of Exxon Executives and sent to Iran in a complicated being held down at the post office dividend deal. There he was brought up by Iranian 011 magnates, to ensure privacy. Frequently, he adopting the Muslim faith. From this comfortable social position has had to chase away groups of Sadr was able to rise to power. fraternity men who stood around As if to compound the confusion, CIA investigators have sus- and snickered as different girls gested that Facano and Sadr are In fact the same person. One came up. were sabotaged, but said he would agent, who chose to remain anonymous, pointed out, "Have you When asked, some of the men 19~~~~~d~~nt~a~~i'soN~~~,s~~~~: get to the base of the problem. ever seen the two of them together?" commented that they never uled to be given out, but after Joan Joan noted the holes looked like The real question, speculation aside, remains: which Would have thought WMC women were this had examined some of the larger those punched by a master lock- been worse, growing up an Iranian, or growing up Bob Facano's "active. Heck, seven times out of size condoms, she noticed little pick, but she didn't know who on brother?IV cI,im$ Lane embfIJC8$new fsith holes near their ends. "We just campus would have one. Fasano, lost his lockpick, and for some doms to go out 10 the male poputa- -1 couldn't allow these defective con according to one guard, recently By SunMyung Moon me." lane went on to say, "I really realize that all these meetings and tion. We'll just have to send these reason kept looking among the I The l nter-versttv Christian get into them telling me who and praying takes up all my time but I back and order new ones, this time boxes at the post office. Fellowship announced last week what 10 pray for, and when. I also don't care. I've given my life to from some other country than As Dean Laidlaw commented as that Mark Lane, infamous lawyer like the guilt complex they instill in Christ. Guyana was only a Mexico." she surveyed the empty boxes, "If of the People's Temple cult, has me." When asked what functions beginning, I no longer say F_.God Bob Fasano, who is responsible we can't protect the morals of the joined that organization in he would be joining, Lane cern. before a meal, I give thanks." for the safety of the packages, said campus, at least we can make sure California. merited, "I'll be going to small Finally, when asked if he was stili he had no idea how the condoms theparentsdon'tfindout!" Lane, who was nearly killed in group meetings, large grout-' keeping his Catholic background Guyana a year and a half ago, had meetings and daily prayer Lane responded vehemently, "I'm ~:~~~ted!~s~~~~e th~tm:e~f w~~:~ r;;;;;;;:;;,'.' ~L.::"~'.;.;;;";;.O.;.";;;01;";;.' .",;,1 ';'";;;OI;.;.;.;C;;..I;;;hO;;H;;;".;,";;m;.;.~C;,;;h'';;;';,;tia::.";..''_ another religious cult. -t.ene commented that he would only involve himself with another cult if, "there was a lot of money ln. volved." When asked why he joined LV., since there Is no money involved in it. Lane responded, "I guess I like the way they (the I.V. members) pay a lot of attention to I"ou, foo, /!In play sf beiflll DJ. Dlonr. Herb willS Herb Smith, obscure Western WWMC Il8diD $ItIfiDn Maryland political science pro. tessor, won hands down the Maryland Republican primary last week Smith, a favorite son candidate, drew on collegiate connections with various political machines. These links, and further rumours lying him with the Nixon side of the Nixon.Kennedy debates, could hurt him, but right nO}Vhis cam- paign is flying high. His victory was substantial. although he did poorly wllh young voters, he cer- ried the old and senile decisively. ~urprrsingly, Smith has revealed that he knew nothing of the massive wrtte. in campaign that enabled him to win. Many WMC political science majors have stated Iheir opinion that Smith's ig. norance of, and lack of involve. ment in, the campaign, is the only Make tax-deductible check payable U.S.OlympJc, possible explanation for the vic PO. Box J980·P_ Cathedral Station, MA 02118 tory. '