Page 73 - Scrimshaw1975-76

c~r T Wednesday, January 14, 1976 Pithy Saying: Volume 2, Issue 14 -Marcel Marceau Campus Burglar-ized Over Holidays Kimbre Shewbridge Well folks, it seems that even the missing items. robber's kind' decision to break theft of some of their possession, like a lot of trouble to drag home after the locks were changed on It is, indeed, sad that something windows in order to gain entry to really can happen, and, because of .the big stereo system everytime our dorms and. extra guards were like this had to happen, especially the buildings. Although extra this, they should be a little more there is a vacation, but taking it stationed over the campus, rob- over the holiday season. It im- Pinkerton guards were placed on cautious. Just think of how inviting home may be a lot easier than beries still took place at Western mediately raises questions of duty across the campus, these an empty campus for a long period trying to replace it. Maryland over the holidays. ethics, and we wonder why these guards cannot help the fact that of time. Of course, even locking up The first robbery, committed on things have to happen; and, they were not near the scene of the your valuables cannot insure their So, the next time the campus campus shortly after Christmas, although through anger and crime at the time of the robberies; safety in cases such as these, but it takes time off for a lengthy break, was discovered at the French frustration many of. us would like in fact, the only people involved can help. If you really value let us, the students, aid the ad- House by the campus guards a to place the blame for such actions who can do anything, if anything at something and you don't want to ministration in their efforts to keep risk it being stolen, it would be best little after 6:00 on the morning of on anything or anyone, we should all, to prevent this from happening and never too much trouble just to theft off of the campus. Lock up December 28, 1975. After spotting a try to realize that, in this case, no again are the students. take it home with you. There have your valuables, or better yet, take broken window in the building, the one is really at fault. The ad- been robberies on campus before, them home- with you. Be cautious guards notified the westmtoster ministration did make the effort to Students have to learn that these and the chances of them happening now so you won't be ripped off City Police who, after closer in- change the locks in t1"!e dorms; things, the illegal entering of their again are not small. It may seem later! vestigation, discovered that the they cannot be blamed for the campus living quarters and the window was broken in the kitchen of the House. According to Chief of ~k~!~~!':i!!.!!'::~'~'!11Tyrant Deposed Police Day, it was obvious that the burglars had tried to gain entry into one of the rooms of the French According to some very well- correspondent. "I remember his some decent weapons." An un- 'bad taste. Sincerely, The National House by tampering with the lock informed sources, namely Kim words. He said, 'Attention, at- disclosed stapher (with blonde Tattler." The shock literally killed all I am As you know of on the door of the room; however, Shewbridge bloodless Scrimshaw, took a tention. soon. Uh, could you hold curly hair) was then to have said, Tayler the head position relatively Immediately "This is all we could afford on what leaving coup the thieves were unsuccessful in over 1. Due to their attempt. place this past January law has been down the applause, please'? Behind you pay us." then gave Tayler a on the paper was taken with Mark by L. Shewbridge, Kimbre and The staph solid a capable me I leave the fact that martial Upon further examination of the declared at the Scrimshaw office, organization. I used to wonder chance to free himself, by C. Bayer regaining his stand as campus, the police discovered that and that strict censorship is being often about what would happen to apologizing. "Never," said Tayler. Associate Editor and Chief Nit- four garden apartments had also observed, the details are as of this the paper in my absence. But, after "Me, admit I was wrong? I'd just picker. Burial plans Ior Tayler been broken into. Again, the moment rather sketchy, but an closely watching my faithful and as soon you peons killed me on the have not as yet been announced, thieves broke windows in order to anonymous eorrespcndent (whose talented underlings for the past SJXlt." Mter which Mark C. Bayer but since his will stated that he'd enter the apartments, and this initials 'are K.S.) leaked the few months, I have now come to was claimed to have said, "Well, like to be placed where he'd do the time they were successful in following account to the in- the realization that, without me, whaddaya know, at last we agree most good for everyone, several stealing several items. According terested: the ship will not sink ...at least not on something," as he unleashed the staphers have opted for placing his to Chief Day, all of the rooms in the The day before, editor Baron L. as quickly as I thought it would at secret weapon. A few days before, .remams in the area between apartments were ransacked; even Tayler, known fondly to many as first'." Noted the correspondent, the. staph had rifled Tayler's Rouzer and Memorial Halls, on cabinets were searched-- "The Tyrant," "The Hot Potato," "It was then that the rumblings mailbox, and at this moment which the ·foundation of the new absolutely nothing was left un- to take place." him with a devastating touched. The police immediately "The Big Enchilada," and "The started information source (who presented which read, "Dear Mr. Student Center is to be built. The up (sic) had treated prevailing The letter, Urunentionable" mood was summed notified the students who occupied the Scrimshaw staph to a big party possessed the code name "Toni Tayler, We welcome interesting best by an unnamed individual, the apartments, and those students at The Pizza Hut in Westminster. Twin") explained that the and unusual exposes by student known as "Your Royal Highness" who were able to, came to_school to "He really pulled all the stops dissident staph bided its time and jou~nalists, but your contribution, .who stated, "I'm sure Mr. Tayler identify missing articles. Among out," reflected assistant editor waited until the proper moment, e~tltled 'Gerald Ford's "Ac- is happiest where he probably is the missing items are a calculator, Mark Katz. "He must've really when Tayler, after a long morning cldents"-.[\. Communist-Venutian now-joining Fransisco and Chou an AM-FM radio, a flashlight, been in the New Year's spirit, of partying, had been intoxicated Plot or Natural Stupidity'?' was for tea up there. Or should I say several albums, and even the shin volunteering to pay for ever_ything by a combination of Bavarian found to be in almost incredible down there'?" of an inpala from Africa. These "at that rate '******************* items are by no means inexpensive and all. Of course, each of us had to Black beer and his own power. * at ~ or worthless to their owners; the spring for the 'extras', like meat, "Gee,'" exclaimed associate * burglars took valuable things and cheese, tomatoes, and the tray." editorMarkC.Bayer, any it took them without leaving a clue Several staph members, noted we could've taken over Hey. photographers! Inside this issue: * behind. (The police were unable to Katz, had to hurry through the timel !" The secret love life * of set a find any-fingerprints, so it is meal because Tayler had decided At that moment, submachine ~ assumed that the thieves wore to take advantage of the establish- miniature Thompson • How to make ASA 200 gloves.) Unfortunately, that merit's "Special Daily Discount guns, poised behind the napkin • ~ii!eh!~~n~r:~:::!~day of your lightmeter!! ,.. robbery was not the only one. On Offer," and it was only a few dispenser, fired upon Tayler, the pep- t January 2, 1976, there was another minutes before regular prices were grazing the chest hairs on his open with the "Great Yellow * entry into the apartments, and so to be reinstituted to at 4 a.m. 'shirt, and three very tiny tanks Has the Mafia taken over An exclusive interview ~ far the police have no information According a certain per- .rolled out from beneath ~ on this one. The police have no sonality known only as "Miss peronis and ran over Tayler's in :it the wedding photography * suspects as of yet for any of the Shewbridge," the party had -gone ·fingers. Tayler, still laughing business? Father", East-Man!! his was captors, robberies, and they ask for anyone on with relative peace and har- the faces of done is get yourselves ...................................* to call them if there is any in- mony. "Then he got up and reported to have said, "The least formation about the robberies or proposed a toast," said our ,you could've 'I