Page 71 - Scrimshaw1975-76

Wednesday, December 17, 1975 Scrimshaw Page 3 .~ftl!t~coming:'It Could Have Been Worse Matt Bowers Cartton Well, another Homecoming has Alumni. Attendance at the concert man, our watches stopped. We Sports Sue Snyder Harris come and gone, and with it its mosl was greatly increased when Music can't help it if our watches stop- Jim Taramani traditional event--the Homecoming Professor Carl Dietrite offered his ped.' Bob Toner Concert. Since the concert's out- students the option of attending the Clearly, a confusing situation was "New No mes n Sports come this year turned out to be concert rather than taking a finaL had arisen. It was now only 8:38 _ decidedly unusual .even for And then it happened. Or, rather, p.m. and all of the concert ·1 Western Maryland, it might be it didn't happen. After 22 percent of over. Technically, the SGA had no _ interesting to take a detailed' look the total student body (and 35 legal or monetary dilemma, since .MIAMI (NG) This year's rash of soda, a year's subscription to Jack at,~~~s ~e~n;a:~ ~ ~~~:e~ith big :~~~~~~r:r~~~ci~t~~:~ts;e~f~ ~:~oo~~~~~~:~~~o~Ya ~~;u:i~: injuries in the National Football & Jill magazine, and a free movie name bands at the last minute," the lights went up and the stage anything else, but vice-president ::::i~eg ha~i~~ too;tte h~~~~~;~~! ~:ol~te\~~~;or~~onka and the :~~r~t~~~J!~!~~;:~~:rl~~~Et&~~:~~~!~:~t~:~;~~~I~~~ ~~r7J[l~~:::t~~:~~1+:~~F~! ~:~:;~iP a~~l~~:sfi~~/~~i!i~i~~~ When asked in a recent interview discovered for-myself how difficult informed Activities Director Joan idea hit him and he ran back to his ~~~~~s :tC~~~~ye~Cr~~~edqu~hr~ ~~;i;:sw~~~v~u:n o~;:;r~~:,,~~! ~;P~~E:~V.d;!~~~~:;!~~\~!r~~:E;~~~;~~~:::~~:~i:&7f!~~~~1~;;:::!~~;!:~:;~~l~~~;::H*:~;r~~~~:'ii,~~I:E:1:¥:tl~;;zt~~:~: Endorsement chew." offers, in- ~~:sS~~~:~~t:~t~~~~:~~i~g ~al~I~~~~;o:!g c~~~:r~~~?; ~~o:u::~:~t~;: f:o~~~r~:r~ Kick competition. The Dolphins ~~~§:;a~d~~:liE~:~~~~a 2~~~ ~~sv~a;r{o~~~ ;t~C:0~~ ~~o;~~~~~ ~~~e!:;:~! ~~~u;:s ;aU:~a\h~~:ct~ ;j'-!i:e~t~~~~;s ~h~~~h C:~Ji~:~iko: ~~~;e~oSj~:;1 :;~~c~~~:s ~a~~~ Fleetwood Mac has been playing at "Certainly I didn't forget the vfsns The Kettles, starring Ilsa Va rare, r'\b JI~CtkSOnvi~leI ~id:et 'gross income from these alone are Johns Hopkins on a steady basis, check," affirmed Ms. Maybe. Voom and a cast of specially ~~~~et:~o~ecti~~~f ~~P~'s n197~ expected to exceed $14 million on ~~i~i~ges~~~ w~~JaWo~~~i~~' ri~~;~ ~r::~~~:~~t. ~~~~~r~!~t~~ ~~~n:! ~t~n~~~ sc~~:;~l:: a terrible Hoffa to be Paved a six-pack football cards, of grape :C~t~ .the year. also made it clear that free con- Maryland is currently looking for a realized he had made certs were a thing of the past, and new Activities Director. mistake. "Damn right," he said. that the days of passing around a The audience, meanwhile, was "Those barnyard animals were WESTMINSTER, Md. mGD) It surface, eliminating time wicker basket during intermission amusing itself with its own forms reserved for the closed smoker." was announced yesterday that consuming and repetitive lining were dead forever. The instance of of entertainment. A canasta Western Maryland College's Hoffa work every week. During the last year's band, The Purple tournament had begun in the The response from the audience, Field was to be paved over with winter months the field win serve Lushes, accepting as remuneration second row on the right, and however, was highly favorable. In asphalt within the next few weeks. as a parking lot for campus ac- a twenty-dollar gift certificate to several students were doing their the words of one student, "This is a Criticism of the field's end-of- tivities The Carriage House was, ac- homework "which I had brought great idea. Now I've learned a lot season "Dust Bowl" effect in both cording to Herb, an exception to here anyway," said one student of stuff I can use tomorrow night fall and spring, along with the When questioned on possible the rule. The absence of sight and sound for after the dance." Only two increased expense and time in- negative reactions from athletes With that introduction in mind, half an hour did not seem to disturb negative comments were received volved in upkeep of the ,field and-or the athletic department, an Herb revealed to the SGA the only or annoy a majority of the by this reporter; one from Dorothy combined to .prompt the decision. undisclosed source remarked, "I available choices for the fall audience, and many thought it a Elderberry, who was at the time All official lines and hash marks chew Trident because it's the only homecoming. The main group for probable improvement; in the being rushed to the emergency will be painted directly on the gum my mom let's me chew." the concert was Bazooka Joe and words of one spectator, "any so- ward for severe shock, and one ld Y BIle • " e ? theTopps,abandwhich,according called blank stage can become a from an anonymous town mem-w OU OU e V .... to Rolling Stone, "makes top 40 cacapbony ot sensoryimpressions ber: "Just goes to show you what look good." The backup group if one is in the right frame of mind, happens when religion and 'Lcnnt Myers selected was Flaming Rum Punch, if one is thinking in the right pat- patriotism are outlawed, by Going through the archives of the Most WMC students are very a relatively lethargic band known terns, and if one is smoking the dangies ". The commie-symps and old Gold Bug the other day, I found consciencious. Inevitably, they mostly for its spectacular finale, in right stuff." Finally, the main the atheists take over, and dam- this article fn which the senior will still be having GIGIFS at which members run about the group, Bazooka Joe and the Topps, mit, They're all hogging the front class in 1965 had forecast the future stage smashing their instruments arrived, and were booed by about row ~eats!!!!" Not only was the of the college and community ten Frocks. We can't imagine any and punching each other out. It has half the audience. for having showing succ~ful in terms of years from then: groups getting together to utilize been reported that this is the best disrupted the canasta match. audience reaction, but the SGA You will be interested to know the student center. part .of a Flaming Rum Punch With the lead group's per- made an added financial bundle that WMC will have a student Serenades will be outlawed, due concert, since audiences the nation rormance, however, the problems when a number of stud~nts, population of 12,000, and will have to their increasingly crude nature. over have been known to clamor had just begun. As Craig Singloud faculty, and the liforementIoned added a twelve-floor high rise Frat brothers might even be seen for the group to do the finale told it, "They finished their first Bazooka Joe and the Topps bought apartment complex to ac- running around without any almost from the first song on. song, 'Billy Don't Be A Hero' and tickets at the door for the rest ~f commodate the influx. There will clothes on; this will probably be a After half the SGA convinced the were about halfway through 'The the s~ow. The SGA sees the profIt be a multipurpose student center result 'of the "wet" law. other half not to reSign, 'and after Blind Man In The Bleachers' when marglll for such. shows as these, which will run from the grille to the Due to the escalation of the Viet the faculty convinced 56 memberS everyone in the group !juddenly, in and plans to contInue them as soon 5th hole of the golf course. It will Nam. Cambodia, Laos War, the of the student body not to drop out, unison, packed up and left." When asso~eoneon the senate c~n come feature a Grand Ballroom, ROTC program will be in full preparations were made for the confronted with the fact that his up With a way of gettIng t~e Olympic-size Swimming Pool, Pool swing, perhaps encompassing 50 per cent of the men on campus. We ~~~~:~i:,i~~~ a ;~~ c~~~w~~tO~ ~~!-~~~f :~ui!~~~~a~orv:~;~~~ ~:t~~tons off campus on movie room, Film theater, girls & men's prectict this on the basis of the WW ragged plaid throw rug in front of Bo Bubblegum stated, ."Look, (continued on pageJ8) ~ml~~s~~~s f:~t~Ork~~=n~~~a~~~ II trends on campus. numbel' ,)f of .mshP'wb~'.d9,rking Problem Solved students that will be attending the Because WMC in K, • n;;t;~!tfX>~7n,,::,~~ty~:f,°~ '75, the tuition should only a the Iotes, who will have to rent and dut' $800.00 a year; be around After many months of Perhaps this explains why, wh~ brought to them by way of films house on Pennsylvania Ave. to to the academic standardization ctissatisfied students, long debates, Dean Mulebray. announced thiS shown on large screens; in effect, house all of them. The College which follows increased student and an undecided administration, particular soluhon at the press we would have a drive·in school. In Republicans will be a large group population, we predict that WMC solutions. have finally been conference, he as well. ~s o~er case a student should have a conSidering the conservation of will become a "cake" school; proposed for one of the worst meml?ers of the achmmstrahon question ahout the lecture-on-film, this college-the trend should ceramics will be the most popular problems on campus--where turned a sick shade of green. all he would have to do would be to continue. Because. of mandatory course. students should park their cars. A The second solution to the beep his horn and one of the twenty chapel, an addition to Big Baker is The Joint Housing Council Will 'consulting firm was called in by parking problem would be to teacher aides provided by .the planned, to handle all of these approve cooed dorms, and there Dean Mulebray last month, and assign parking spaces to students school with roller skates would Just religious students. will be a dorm policy which through the course of the past few accorrling to their GPAs; in other glide over to the student's car and The football field will be enclosed consists merely of self- weeks the Dean and this group of words, the higher a student's GPA, answer his question. This seems in a dome, and carpeted in astro- preservation. Girls may even be advisors have been hashing over the closer his car would be parked like a pretty good solution except turf, as the team should reach the seen leaving guys rooms at all possible ways to solve the to his or her dorm. Also, in the case for one problem·-movies that are Mid-Atlantic Conference in '75. Of .10'0'clock on Sunday morning - if parking problem on campus. of a parking violation, the student's shown outside wou1donly be able to course, a new stadium will be built they leave at all! By 1975 we Yesterday a press conference was GPA would go down one tenth of a be shown at nighttime. This way, to accommodate the sports fans. prectict that there will be no morals held and Dean Mulebray an- point. This way, students -would be those students who went to the (The Bachelors of '65 have all left in this country anyway. nounced the' group's three basic working so hard to keep up their drive-in by themselves would fall ready put in their _bid for the Professors may even be seen solutions proposed to solve the GPAs, they' would never go asleep from fatigue and sheer concessions for their bros of 10 raising a couple ~f glasses at the problem. anywhere and would therefore boredom. And for those couples years hence.) At 'this rate, there Pit on Thursday nights! The first proposal of the com- have no use for a car, leaving their who went to the movies (I can hear may even be a Freshman girl Westminster will become the mittee was that the tuition of the vehicles at home. And the students it now: "Hey, Martha? How'd ja Terror! fast food capitol of Md., and the school be raised to $10,000 a year. who would keep their cars at school like to go to the 7:00 showing of This way since no one would be wouldn't use them for fear of "Price Theory?"), well, somehow The students will be able to get town may be renamed Mc- Donaldland. able to afford to attend Western creating a violation and therefore I don't think they'd. see the movie out of the White Coffee Pot catered All of the pre-med majors Will be Maryland, no one would be here, affecting their GPA. Again we can either. food and out of the basement of successful in getting into Med- and, therefore, no one would have a see that this way there would be no Memorial, to eat their dinners in school; we predict that they will car here. Logically, since there problem because there would be no So these are' the three solutions the new cafeteria! Just think; only need a 1.5 gpa to get accepted would be no cars, there would be no cars. proposed by the committee. Please there will be a variety of foods by then. WMC job placement for problem as to where to park them; The final solution offered by the keep in mind that these are just offered, not to mention fresh graduates will be 95 per cent! however, this solution creates yet consultion firm was to level the suggestions-no definite solutions salads, and beer and wine offered The school newspaper will iClin another problem. Without any entire campus and make it one to the parking problem have been on Saturdays. Of course, the ranks of the Harvard Lampoon, students, there would be no gigantic parking lot. The students decided on yet. They'd better the campus wlll go "wet," but we and be nominated for a Pulitzer college. And with no college, the would simply park their cars on the hurry, though. Where the heck is do not think that this will create Prize in '75! If you Delieve all of administration would have no jobs. lot and the teachers would be Santa going to park his sleigh? lny drinking problems on campus. ,of this, we'll tell you some more. , .