Page 69 - Scrimshaw1975-76

CAUTION: The surgeon general 'has determined that reading Wednesday. December 17, 1975 this issue can be hazardous Volume 2, Issue 13 to your health. Brian Trumpower Student Center Plans Revealed Baron L. Tayler these floors. will have steel doors, and be reporters that at least two of the of the center will be raised through During a press conference held Floors 20 through 32 will house completely padded, floor, wails, floors would be set aside for the a rise in student tuition. Effective in Dr. Johnboy's office, the plans what were called "student ob- and ceilings. Written quickly on the students' use. next semester, annual tuition to for the new student center were servation rooms." Unfortunately bottom of the acquisition order for Now, for the most astounding Western Maryland College will be revealed to a hushed group of no questions were allowed to be these floors was also an order for news of all. The cost of the new $18,600 per year. When asked how reporters. As the floor plan of each asked about these rooms, but once 500 straight-jackets. 20 center has been estimated at 683 the students could possibly tuition, afford ::~~~~~~~::;t~~~a~~{~~1yinfonnaetionthaatalrlOftbhes,,ooom,obutk 'P''''I·d,ntna"urehdth'ealrlth'l;Otn'YsfO'th'$'snstrUdioon0ooontinU'd on a0 g '37 use of the bottom again, a fast check with the con- 47 floors were The exact million been to pay such as exorbitant of the new center's it has dollars, and th shown, the whole room seemed to that by the administration replied. Dean Mu1ebray decided turned tractor floors has as yet to be determined, up the interesting p o o Harvey Stone Park, all the way to ~nio~d S~::!, ~:~~~~ t~~e:~o~ . .. " S~ds, to Harrison Alumni House. Baron l. Tayler pension has been ~tabhshed~ for dollars a year, for life. Why, if you only knew how hard we The interior of the building will I~ has been learned through a all .past . Editor-In-Chiefs, ,When aSk.ed if this pension w~s a work, you wouldn't dare ask such a be I . h I th to rehable source that the Yearbook Managing Editors, and Photo- little exorbitant the Photo-Editor stupid question And further . aVIS. ~ toe p t seve~ has received 5 million dollars from Editors, which will provide them relied "Are you kidding? We more . ~~~::~~p~;~~~t fr.-::cr~n' .t~e~~:~. o~ ~ry~;nt~y v:~f;r~~ with an annual pension of 15,000 'should be getting twice that ~uch. continued on page 47 ~~:~~;r~~~c~skt~~eO~~:n:~~~: ~~~~ ~~i~~ee~=:~:~,t:~:~ ~~ Mob Lynches Student room Will only be possible If seven formation secretary but was told diff.eren~administ~ators, ea~h with to make an appoint~ent with the Kim Shewbridge singing mass carried Mr. Poll to moments, was too overwhelmed to ~elr tJ?l~re ~Yi I~:r!lthe:a k;:l~ information secretary's secretary. A most horrible event took place the large green and yellow scaffold speak intelligently. He only I~ Sio~13 t ~ t P ~ In II t Not to be easily discouraged, this on our campus yesterday as a that sits so majestically in front of muttered a few indiscernible % ~. k oo I," ~~a s, :n s a dU~~ reporter than tracked down the student was actually caught our administration building. As words about having to survive a but Editor, only was immediately a~~~s CheeTingPoll,arecenttransfer ~s tenced ea 0 ;:;s er' ';!h" In on ec~nt ad a o II Managing to hear him say, "Talk to cheating on an exam. Mr. Poll by the crowd to hang, sen- he system. but Of course he begged for an managed mercy, as he was being seve~hom~ t d pr I' an t" my lawyer ... ", as he sped away in to our wonderful institution from was given the privilege of speaking ~nau nz~ pe~o~e can en er a new Mercedes-Benz, Hong Kong University, was found his final words. ~':;~~i~~;al~~C~~.institUtion, he e r:~. s a, ~c ~ul~_.:reasure, After much passing the buck, an guilty by an angry mob of looking Mr. Poll, his face white from the His test paper was disposed of by ~U:~h gs traln~ .. ~ tanyo~~ inside source divulged the fact that at his fellow student's test paper hurried liorror of the past few the guard. u oseseven a mts a ~rs WI the Editor-In-Chief of the Year- during a final exam yesterday 5 G constantly be present In the book was on "an information morning. A Notes computer room. gathering tour" in Acapulco, and Itall began during a history final John Norment Dean C. Wrigley Mulel:ray and that the Photo-Editor, along with being given on the third level of and Mark Bayer • • • Dean Lay D, Lawdown will have the "10 newly hired cub Memorial Complex. At 10:21:32 The new SGA constitution, which recent address in the cafeteria, their offices on the 38th through photographers were at Hugh AM, one of the guards stationed in students were given an opportunity SGA president Herb Whatsis has 40th floors. Although the full Herfner's Chicago bunny mansion the room noticed a small to vote on last week in the student decided to initiate a series of details of what their office annexes learning the latest techniques of movement of the body of Mr. Poll. center, passed with a two-thirds "Cafeteria Chats" on a regular will include were not 'released, a photographing the "bare facts." The guard, alerted to this unusual majority. Total count was 2 votes basis. "If F.D.R. can do it, so can check with the contractor turned The rest of the stapf, it was behavior, clearly observed that .for, one vote against. 1," chuckled Herb. up some interesting facts. It seems rumored, is living in a large villa Mr. Poll's eyes were passing over The SGA furniture committee that among the 5.8 million dollars somewhere in the Virgin Islands, his neighbor's test paper. The announced that it has approved of The action committee has been worth of office equipment that was perfecting the newest methods of guard was, of course, shocked to new furniture for the senate room. inactive lately. The publicity ordersfortheiroffices,theseitems "layout." see this outward defiance of the The pieces will be of solid concrete, committee has not been seen in were included: three racks, 56 Honor Code that all we Western which is the only material that can public in two weeks, and the head thumb-screws, 30 gross of cat-o- A short notice was released by Maryland Institution students love stand the abuse. of the finance committee was out nine tails, 67 bullwhips, 47 boxes of the information secretary, stating so well. Immediately he took the It has been decided by ttle SGA hocking his wristwatch. The bamboo splints, 830 pair of hand- the latest details on this years proper steps, screaming at the top senate that in the future recording quorum for the last meeting cuffs, 5 electric chairs, and one Yearbook. The book will be 510 of his lungs, "Cheater! Violator of secretary Donna Culotte will consisted of Herb, vice-president gallows. pages long, 100 pecent color, and the Code! Cheater! Violator of the record her reading of the minutes Scott Hamhock, and two visitors. have.a solid Platinum cover. Each Code!" At once, students, on a tape which will then be played Among topics discussed was the book will be personally engraved, teachers, and guards seized the back at a much slower speed, thus possibility of moving SGA The 33rd through the 37th floors will be outfitted as a gym- and will not cost the students shame-faced Mr. Poll and dragged rendering the need for an in- meetings to a night in the week recreation-sauna complex, open anything. All non-students must him out of the building, their voices terpreter unnecessary" .when "All In The Family" is not only to top level administrators pay the minimum production cost raised in our glorious institution's Due to the res nse 'ven his on. ~;v~i~ee ~~ ~~ f and certain alumni. Students will Give me a~ O! Give mea? i be permitted to use the weight of :X~~y~~~~rsr m~~~~ dollars ~!"ti~:G;: :e~ Inside This_ Issue: - room one day every other are being spent remains somewhat R! Give What the hell are we telling you for? month, This privilege can be of a mystery. It has been sub- meanI!GlvemeanS!Glvemean voided at the Dean's discretion. No stantiated by an unimpeachable M! What have you got? Read itvourself!' further details were released about source that a "Former Editors" TERRORISM!! Let's go!" The •••••••••••••••• -