Page 16 - TheGoldBug1955-56

K Circling The Hill I Gipe Calls Genealogy Of Military E By William F. Muhlcnff>ld E Feature Editor Department Obscure, But Yet Noble As of last Wednesday, the GOLD BUG office is P P adjoined to the Rec .Hall by means of a hole, By George A. GiPf} DEDICATION I 0 ten feet off the floor and four inches in diameter. To the Western Maryland College Muitary Science how a hole If you find it difficult to understand Deportment and its members, the staff of the GOLD NS can connect anything with anything, since a BUG in this issue dedicates columns three and four of hole is, after all, nothing, you will understand G T more fully, perhaps, when we explain the nature page two, not to commemorate any -perticular event in useful life on the Hill, nor to show this department's of the hole. The hole is round, and at its base our appreciation for what it has done for the school, E was found a billiard hall-s-a cue ball no less. but merely to fill up-epoce. . Considerable thought in the field of deductive D logic and cause and effect relationships threw it The history of WMC's Military Department Lanolin reentered the civilized world with reveals u somebody conclusion: startling through the wall, or at least gave it cause to be is a lengthy one that is wreathed in obscurity heavy heart. He had found self-contentment, but it had flown from his puny grasp with such and noble action. In 1878, a private in the Ready propelled through the wall in some manner. We Reserve of the Syrian army named Bulsar rapidity! He was about to commit suicide when Chicken Feed wonder which of us the missle was intended for. Lanolin became vitally interested in religions of his eyes fell upon an ad in the Syro-Turkish A startling announcement .waa made recently the Middle East. At first, he was converted Times. Wanted, it read, young lI1ilita.ry Science in the dining hall. Buz Weiner relates an experience which oc- to Brahmanism (worshippers of Johannes instru.ctQr to teach at- Western Maryland Col- Due to an inaccurate Sunday dinner count, curred during the History of Art test last Mon- Brahms), but he soon discovered fallacies and lege, the only 111 ethodist college in the entire seventy pieces of fried chicken, so it was an- inconsistency in this faith. He therefore left state. nounced, were committed to the garbage can. day. It seems that he was dressed as some sort Syria, determined to somehow unite the two Lanolin burst into a wild cry of joy and The students were chided for not giving the of savage, as part of Hell Week festivities, and main driving forces in his life--military science rejuvenated happiness. (He had confused the dining hall staff an accurate count. They were that he was required to carry an assortment of and religion. Many people, even today, still term "Methodist" with his former tribe of bones around with him. During. the examination, reminded that it was their own money they were Pamela, who, it should be explained, is Dr. Mac- think it cannot be done. "Mesoliths.") This, plus the fact that his second wastint. Lanolin travelled over most of Asia from 1878 love, Military Science, was coupled with what he Granted when a student signifies that he will Donald's dog, stole his collection of bones to 1897, trying to reconcile the turbulent skep- thought were survivors of the wonderful cave attend Sunday dinner and then doesn't make an (Weiner's, not Dr: MacDonald's). The test had ticism that tormented his mind. In turn he people, served to double His enthusiasm for go- appearance, the food that was cooked for him to be interrupted while Buz respectfully In, followed the worhippers of Mithra (a sun- ing to America. becomes an extra and in a sense, a waste. quired, "Will you make your dog give me back god), Luna (a moon-god), and Agotash (a Per- He sent off a hasty reply to the advertisement. But we're wondering why the waste didn't my bones?" sian god of cloudy {veather with rising humid- Several weeks later, Bulsar received two envel- stop there. Money -is not chicken feed and even , ity). None of these satisfied the young soldier. opes full of college literature. Glancing through chicken feed is not tossed in the garbage can. Then there is the traffic problem which faced Surely, in the name of good management, that Tom Llewelyn. He parked his wagon (Black and fried chicken could have been put to better use. White pledges are required to travel about the There are complaints that Sund_ay suppers are campus in such juvenile vehicles as. wagons, monotonous-the same cold cuts, the ever-pres- scooters, and velocipedes) in front of the Li- ent chicken noodle soup, and the invariable brary. While he was inside, the unattended wag- chocolate milk. What a pleasant surprise if on cascaded down the hill in back of Blanche those seventy pieces of chicken had been sliced Ward and collided with a tree. Tom neglected to and put on the cold-cut plates! For once stu- put the brake on, it seems, and the whole inci- dents may have gone out of the dining hall with dent would not have been funny at all if he had a good taste in their mouths. not elected to run down the hill after it-to no 'Ve're also wondering something else. How avail, incidentally. The ladies of the balconies in many more chickens have come to their final Blanche Ward inform us it was a riotous spec- rest on the city dump? And why? tacle, matched only by the race to the Red Sea Mr. Rice, as head of the dining hall, we feel of the Israelites, while hordes of hungry Philis- that until a reasonable explanation is set forth, tines closed in from the rear. the responsibility lies with you. Yours, we are compelled to say, was the greater waste. There is a campus triumvirate which takes a- Mixed Emotions dim view of garish Hell Week activities, es- pecially those which require campus males to One lo;ks at Old Main with mixed emotions cavort about in classrooms clad in only slightly nowadays. The proud old building, standing more than nothing. This is not to mention any tiredly on the summit of the hill, is doomed. names, of course, but word is that a well-known Despite her cancerous core of falling plaster history professor regards diaper-clad male and indented stairs, externally she stands as a pledges with something less than enthusiasm. symbol of the good and true in Western Mary- We respectfully wonder what he might think of ,land. Nay, she is Western Maryland for with diaper-clad female pledges. Always, of course, her erection was the erection of a dream and a there is the pledge who sailed into Dr. Earp's hope for the future and through the years she' class on well-lubricated roller skates, which, like has watched that hope and dream unravel.' Tom Llewelyn's wagon, had no brakes. All of But this is no time for sentiment. The world which is a good way to change the subject. moves on and only through change do we pro- gress. Western Maryland needs a new chapel, a hew library, and a student activities building. We note that the Board of Trustees has cast Instructors of the l\filtary Science Department assemble in Classroom "A" for a group portrait. It's all part of that hope and dream of long ago. its vote in favor of the destruction of Old Main Left to right, they are, seated: M/Sgt. Alaric LXIX, Cpl. Khali Flahwir. Seated in chairs: Lt. Old Main must go. "as soon as feasible". They do this with reo Yarmuk the Turk, Gen. Bear-Claws (PI\IS&T), Capt. Theodoric of Constantinople. Standing: To those who feel a stab of pain at the loss luctance and "sadness". The historic building M/Sgt. Krishna Gopala, Pvt. Daashwamedh, Maj. Ras ~Jhib Gnat, and four unidentified fresh- of an old friend some comfort might be found has been the campus landmark for a great many men waiting for term papers. in the unraveling of the dream. We build on the years, appropriately enough, since it was the on College Hill. We traditions of the past. Tradition alone stands first building to appear and sad the Trustees In 1901, however, Lanolin wandered into a it, he became more certain than ever that the wonder how reluctant and decays. But tradition mated to progress Western Marylanders were recent descendants gives birth to the spires and towers of the :i~~~:i:!~r~hria~a!:e:i~~~~~!~go;nt~::~~n~ I ~;r::~;i:;~m:ew~:r~;:t~i;o~i:or~:n:~~e:~~~~ of cavemen. The first boat for Westminster num- future. bered Lanolin among its passengers. crashed down to the floor, narrowly missing its gotten community of ancient Mesolithic people. of Military At that time, the only instructor First Los. sleeping occupants. But there is nothing like I The group he had encountered was actually the Tactics at Western Maryland was a toothless old had Last Saturday afternoon, the Western Mary- sentiment. Like ivy on walls and musty tradi- smaJi remainder of a caveman tribe that Lanolin woman named Hinda Vishnu, who had been over 25,000 flourished ticns, there is something pleasant about it, and before. years land football team succumbed at the hands of discharged from the Political Science Depart- Drexel Institute, 34-13. This was the first time ;:~ ~~ et;:n ~~u~~:\;;l~;:r~ee:t~:~ ~~ew~~i~~ ;~~~dth~nc~~~~e:I~~;i~h~a~ke~~~~~ ~o;:~~~~:~ ment for proselyting and assigning Horatio that a Terror grid team has been beaten in its whether we like it or not. down, happy for the first time in his life. After Alger books as collateral. She and Bulsar be- Homecoming Day game. A proud record, long a while, he taught his new neighbors how to came mutually infatuated at first glance, and cherished, has fallen. read, write, and construct a contour map, and they hoped to build Military Science into a We think it judicious to point out that no they taught him how to draw pictures of buf- major department at the school. When their record stands forever. We think it judicious, too, More Poetry falo on cave walls. request for additional professors was denied by to point out that had this record not been But the blissful existence was soon to end. the college board of directors, Bulsar and Hinda broken in 1955, it might have been broken in The following poem, written by Flo Mehl, who In 1917, a football scout from Notre Dame wan- decided to marry and raise children 10 be future 1956, or 1966. This being the case, there can be has been an integral part of GOLDBUGactivities dered into the cave settlement, and carried off PMS&T's. Accordingly, from 1920 to 1936, no criticism directed against a team which did .for two years now, touches on a subject which most of the eligible' males. After this tragic the two laid the foundation of a strong and its best against overwhelming odds. has affected us all at one time or another in our event, the saddened females refused to carry prospelous Military Department by turning out Let us take pride in a record which remains lifetime. She presents "The Question", and the. on their daily activities, and grew to sitting in instructors at a prodigious. and alarming rate. indeed imposing. Let us respect the members of question is, "What is love?" Miss Mehl herself is Between semesters, 1937, Bulsar Lanolin died the Western Maryland football team for their not sure just precisely'what love is, although and with him the first glorious chapter of the effort. W.F.M. she has some good ideas on the subject. She college Military Department was sealed. To contends that there is no "inspiration" be- commemorate his passing, during the first drill period of the new semester, caps were lowered THE GOLD BUG hind this effort, and that she can rip off this to one-finger's distance above the right eye. Till Without predicting that we have a writer of OlJlclal .tuden'" ftewapaper o.f Western Maryland Cnl· stuff any time at all. So be it. the very end, Lanolin had believed that Western lea-@,publi.bed .ernl.mo.nthly nft Tuesday, durin; October. Maryland was the only Mesolithic college in the No.vember .Jan"ary. Februllry, Marob and April. and love poetry comparable to Elizabeth Barrett monthl,. durin!!' SIoptf!mber. Dec:ember, and May. Entend state. AI lec:ond .Iau matter at Westminater Post; Ollio.., under Browning, but nevertheless recognizing a cer- the A'" of Marcb 1, 1879. tain aesthetic feeling in this bit of free verse, Since 1937, the PMS&T's post has been ably Member here is "The Question". held by Gen. Bear-Claws (one of Hinda and Associated Collegiate Press THE QUESTION Bulsar's many sons) and his staff (also sons). In every military function, they strive as a unit What is love? to emulate Lanolin's love for religion, fair play, A word spoken in the dark of night. and caveman military tactics. We thank them A dream of someone far away. Drill Day on Hoffa Field. Here several advanced for letting us tell their history and fill up this The simple touch of a hand .. course students teach a freshman how to exe- space. Feature Editor '.m;••m The sound of a voice ... cute "about-face" correctly. The Military Sci- A glance. ence Department firmly believes that a fresh. ~~;,:"F~~~:"Editora====-==-._ The elusive something . man should be given a reason that will make Rabbil Habit Cartooniat _ Typing ~ _ Timeless ... him "want to learn." DRUNK, upon finding a rabbit in his icebox: Covl' Editor _ Unexplainable Pboj.ograpbl'_. --. __ What are you doing here? BUSINESS STAFF Essential. This is a Westinghouse, isn't it? Bu.in ..... Mana!!'er Bob Cru.b, '56 It is not necessary to define love, dark corners of the cave with their lower lips RABBIT: Advertlslnlr Mao.ag"r. .Jack Fossett, '68 Only to know it. protruding. The ancient tribe soon passed into DRUNK: What's that got to do with it? Circulation Bud Holland, '67 E:lchan!!'e _.LYrlnd .. Skinner. '67 FLORENCE A. MEHL, complete extinction. RABBIT: Weil, I'm westing.