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APRIL 1, 2007 - Page 2 NEWS Administration set to fight grass-cutting suit· ("Lawsuit," from flage.1) don't think these guys under- unfairly targets the underpriv- Carlton. For now, the halted lawn- idea that they can get what .stand how loud they are ileged employees on campus," The suit will go to court in mowers will let the grass con- they wan] through court sys- being." she said. "Maybe. students the next few months unJess a tinue to grow past a safe three terns dominated by activist RAs have reported that a would learn more if they kept settlement is reached before- inches: said Mike Habegger, judges, they milk the system large number of residents the partying noise down hand between the college co-editor of the McDaniel Free for all its worth." . "complain of smoke inhalation Blaming the grounds crew is administration and the ACLU. Press. Johnson added that the suit when the lawnmowers pass ..,..,.....,,''''r-~.''''_. Global warming represented another "fleecing , by their; gaping windows. buJl-." of America." '. ',";' -.'.',' "If we jusf had air condi- awareness groups When asked if they would tioning, it wouldn't be a prob- have jumped in on compromise and allow classes lern," said Nardi. the issue as well, say- from different departments be History major Greg Kristof ing that increased held in other classroom build- is one of the few students who C02 emissions is the ings, ACLU members said take note of the lawnmower root cause of the they would "refuse any com- noise. lewnmower noise. promise that endangers the "It gets pretty bad in the "Climate change values of our free nation." spring, but I don't notice it and a rapid rise in Some residents of during the winter," said overall temperature Whiteford agree that the noise Kristof. "Can't figure that one and rainfall in from lawnmowers is a detri- out." Maryland has caused ment to college society. One administration official, the grass to grow "I'm trying to study in who spoke on the condition of faster, meaning more peace in the morning, concen- anonymity in order to be time must be spent trating hard on some biology blunt, called the allegations mowing it, contribut-li:i=lii~ work, and sure enough, buzz "ridiculous." ing to the vicious buzz buzz," said freshman "Complaining of lawn- cycle of fighting C02 resident Karen Nardi. "T just mower noise is cowardly and with C02," said Ben How long will this lawnmower be slopped outside of Whiteford Hall? Only time will tell... Lighter side of the campus safety blotter some sort of fornicated-enjoy- PRESTON WELLINGTON III ment out of these tales of not open the first can of ic arena as a dreary obligation. and fries whenever I'm in the SOCIETY STAFF Stroh's or Keystone, whatever I look it as an opportunity to mood to see how the other malfeasance. I, Preston you lowly proletariat imbibe increase my knowledge so I 99.999999999%. Did you see (Editor's note: Rob Goeke's COIII- Wellington, a noted scholar with, at the moment my last can continue to oppress the how many 9's were there? I mentary highlights some of the and intellectual who only class ends. No, no. Preston poor people like you and the belong to more county clubs inane calls to iohicncatnpue saje- ended up attending this insti- Wellington, III, like my father Negros. Did you know my than you have pairs of boxers. ty respande.) tution because 1 wanted to and my grandfather, hit the middle name is Pemberton? I So keep drinking and provide everyone with an library and begin preparations could Smite you like the good excreting on trees and such. There is a column that usu- example of what it means to for Monday morning's aca- Lord Smote Sodom. I'll enjoy my port wine. Did ally appears in this space that be classy, am _£Qoc.kedand demic exercises. Did you Where I come from, you realize r make Jay Gatsby incenses me greatly. Usually; appalled and shocked by know I could differentiate Grccn""ich, Connecticut, -w-e- look lik", " hovo"bit h..""k? VOll this ballyhoo named Rob these despicable actions and between Johnny Walker Red Sip cognac and play polo. I people are nothing to me. I Goeke comes on, and makes plead with you, member of from Johnny Walker Blue by a consider Brooks Brothers a will put on my argyle sweater fun of these sinners for their the student body, to change mere sniff? If you hogwhal- low end retailer. Filet Mignon vest with my loafers. Maybe libations. your dastardly ways. Did you lops are lucky, I may let you to you is Chuck Steak to me. throw on an ascot if I feel Apparently, there is a siz- know my house is so big, we cut my grass in five years. And people who play "Flippy especially arrogant. And to able population of indulgent have a moat? It's called the See, that is the problem Cup" or whatever you beasts Rob Goeke: you sicken me. wretches who inhabit this with you uncouth swine. You call it, are people who should that take time in the academ- be serving me my hamburger