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NEWS APRIL I, 2007 -Page 3 Unknown ghost scares campus community (from "Scare" 011. pa~e 1) "M,ost gho~ts live their sec- ti~ati~n into ~he deat~ of Perkins believes the residue administrators. Mysteries hasbeenrumbhngl.nthewalls and ~Ives with th~ goal,of Djerdj Markovic and disap- was not slime, but zeros and such as these may never be and floor. Some claim to have showing people their version pearanee of Mike Habegger. fully resolved. All that can be heard human screams as welL of the truth. Announcing their Liberal ideologue and cur- Whatever the 'black 'done is to keep plodding "All I know is that these presence a~te~ they ,are d~ad rent student George Perkins ghost's' purpose, its presence away until the truth is noises are normal. They seem shows a distinct Will to live claims to have seen the 'black has certainly caused a stir ~ alien," said freshman Josh that transcends the natural ghost' in the library. among s.tudents, faculty, and Fernandez. "It kinda freaks pattern of life and death," said "I was doing some research me out, man, and I know the Yingling. "But in looking at on the role of the church in the administration won't do any- this photograph and reading development of teleological thing about it. They don't real- the testimonies of residents, theory, and just as I picked up Iy know what's going on." this ghost defines itself as an Foucault, the book was ripped Indeed, the administration absence, bereft of any earthly from my hands by a set of has turned a blind-eye meaning."2 claws that pierced the pages of towards any investigation of When pressed for further the text," said Perkins. /I As I the unexplained noises information, Yingling made it turned to see what it was, a "1 think these complaints clear he would investigate no black shadow seeped into the are just excuses for the ram- more because he did not con- shelves. When I looked down pant vandalism in the hall," sider himself an expert on at the torn and tattered book, I said one administrator speak- 'black ghosts: noticed a residue on the ing on the condition of Free Press staff writer Rob ground." anonymity. "Just because you Goeke suggest- Books(right) thrown from the hands of Perkins. Below,a hear ghosts shrieking in the ed an investi- dose-up shot of the books. No links have been made middle of the night does not gation be con- between the books and the goals of the ghost. mean you should go take a ducted in the . [expletive deleted] in the Free Press shower." new s roo to Regardless, the Biondo's located in the photograph is the first hard basement of evidence indicating a haunt- Rouzer Hall, a ing of the McDaniel campus. possible source A photograph represents real- for the ghostly ity, but, of course, it cannot shrieks. Such explain it. an undertaking The 'black ghost,' as it has has been post- been dubbed, suggests an poned due to a absence instead of a presence. pending inves- - ............ ----,..;,;_ .,.,I Car, student halved- friendship still strong (from "Tuition" on page 1) end of it." Heidegger made exaggerat- 'round and round' and hiding Zilakovic confirmed that ed motions with his hands to behind shelves. Closed-circuit Heldegger d.id indeed miss a emphasize the actions taken. security cameras confirmed tum-three times in a row- His determination to kill his what the employees saw. causing them to be late for the best friend was undeniable. Zilakovic has so far been Wizards game. We do not Zilakovic crawled out of the unavailable for verbal corn- know if his response was rubble using his left arm, left ment. "[expletive deleted]," or hand, and the left side of his Revised police reports show "[expletive deleted]." jaw. No doubt he will be the that Heidegger and Zilakovic "After we left Wendy'S I subject of countless medical left Wendy's, speeding away was like {expletive deleted] journals. Some early reports in a dull-red MR-2. A cern- this guy," said Heidegger. "So point to an alien genetic make- rnent was made by Zilokovic J ran my car into a tree, the up. Others remind scholars about Heidegger's driving passenger side only. But he that Zilakovic was a foreigner, ability, and from that point on, didn't die, that guy, so I down- and anything is possible with it seems, all the rules of reality shifted, floored it, and sud- foreigners in foreign lands. were suspended denly, we were driving lip the In a testament to their long- "I had missed a turn earli- tree. By the time we got to the lasting friendship, cama- er, and at the time I was like top, the whole passenger side raderie, and brotherhood '[expletive deleted]', [exple- of the car was missing, blood developed on the loving cam- tive deleted]!', [expletive was everywhere, I thought it pus of McDaniel College, no deleted]!!!, .[expletive delet- was over, that Urika was charges have been filed. ed]!!!!,'" said Heidegger dead. But that [expletive The smoldering ruins of the vehicle of Zilakovlc and Heldegger. The two "Urika never let me hear the deleted] won't die." walked away from the attempted vehicular homicide. one with half 11 body. The good die young - because If you feel Up they see it's no use living if you've got to be good." - John Barrymore (American Let's face it, being good all the time can be a aSSOdat~ Will yod'remE1llber the pride downer, put this down Actor) ed with every" A" or perfect attendance when you are hooked up to a vitamin drip at the nursing home? Probably not You'D _ how good it felt to be bad. So before yoo leave MclJanlel. take a walk on the bad side (the bad _-not the illegal side). Yo.