Page 115 - Phoenix2001-02

COMMENTARY Wednesday, March 13,2002 - Page 7 Club age requirements are ridiculous for admittance apply that men cannot be admitted However, I fail to see the logic 21 have the privilege of the open anything goes, we are actually pun- Erin Romanski remarks on the same night that 18-year-old that legalizes men as near bar, but they also pay less. Hmm. ished for not being old enough to on the absurd age limits women can unless they are 21- pedophiles and women as the . nope, doesn't make sense to me. live it up. Just another constant years-of-age or older? Sadly, there are some of us left placed on club entry. a double standard? Is this in fact younger prey. note, the rea- who choose not to make fools out reminder that age 20 comes and On an additional any recogni- hardly r.---.----=--------- ~-----------__,tion goes without worthmentioning. 4 __- My suggestion here With the approach of ~f"l. 'lJj!!l._1*:, Ii'tO'I (Iold -=...e,~ "" ~\ be that if you are go- the long-awaited ....,-to '"\!i'\J,(]. CA.J...O~ ing to limit the fun to "thirsty nearly in sight, Thursdays" alone, at least Thursday rolls like many give us a break on price, like free before ladies 11, or all am ready for a Therefore, And, I might add, neither is having the public reminder of a bouncer screaming at the top of his lungs "20 and un- to the right!" as if we are . segregated upon admit- to a concentration you reach this age and can offi- Iam not trying to imply that this soning behind jacking up the ad- of ourselves on-campus and revert the kamikaze shots. cially buy lottery tickets and begin is a sexist rule, nor am I going to mission prices for us adults not of to more harmless behavior at a smoking cigarettes legally. start spewing out women's rights drinking age is what exactly? club. -Erin Romanski is a Yet; where does the standard remarks. So, not only do those who are When the music is loud and sophomore English major. The Internet connection needs improvement in dorms proved to be too hard for me, so I short films, or even having a look basic services thai their masters Dan Hamvas laments the decided to punk out. at newspapers from home ... Some- problem, because not being able to porn is one thing, But not slow ethernet connection in Iworked up enough money and times I had to keep clicking for 5 order them. point it all started to download able to access my miilbox At that being his room. went shopping. It took ·the com- minutes before something hap- sound like a conspiracy, like a con- or perform the simplest acti4ns on pany a month to get me their prod- pened. Sometimes Ihad to let it take scious rebellion. the Internet is an other, which Hi, it's Hungarian Dan again uct, so you can imagine how anx- a break. As if the computersknew this and I honestly hope that the some- ious I was to gel my key to porn- But in the end. I always just was a male donn, and they would makes people furious at the school other beside little the thousand one in charge will get to read this heaven: a computer. But finally the went crazy and forced the bitch to purposefully deny giving us access things they are mad about. article and finally do something day of truth came, and I got it. It do those nasty things (truth be told: to those women we dream of when And as much as I am no expert (other than sending me to Smith's was in my hands. Ieven tried to download some porn. we wake up and head off for the on matters like this, Istill wonder. House for counseling). I undressed the monitor in a but when Ifinally found something laundry room. Maybe somebody could enlighten As perfect as we Hungarians gentle yet teasing manner, freed the workable. I always got this "have- A revolutionary idea just struck me about simple things, such as, are, truth must be told, we do have sex-slave from its cardboard cage a-headache-not-in-the-mood" line: me all of a sudden. What if we are what kind of line we are using? T- some little flaws. My little flaw is and very sensually plugged them "This page cannot be displayed." blaming the wrong person? What I or a T-3? Or what type of wir- called: pornography. Ican't help it: together, uniting all the cords and But I'm a nice guy. I thought it if we're blaming SONY and Dell ing? I assume the best. Or if not, 1just love porn. Some might even plugs in one giant orgy. was all me. and Compaq when it's not them at then we have a whole lot of room say I'm addicted to it, but I have Then I went through the tire- That I was being too pushy. That all? to expand, right? my excuse in the developmental some and self-humiliating process I took the wrong approach ... And And suddenly a thought mani- -Dan Hamvas is a senior phase of my adolescent years. of the Ethernet- connecting. Let then I thought that my computer fested in me ... It might be the con- "YOusee, I was porn-treasurer of me tell you, it was the worst of my was frigid. She was one hot damn nection. And then I just knew it. my high school class. I kept all that dates so far and I never had so hoochie mama, but frigid. She had That had to be it. Because if it was nasty material my classmates ac- many problems trying to introduce all the things in the right place with my brand new machine, other quired through embarrassing am- myself, and get hooked up. a 1.2 Giga Intel processor and a 256 people wouldn't complain. bushes of magazine- stands in pub- After four days of screwing MB RAM, but she just hated the But it's the Internet server that lic areas (dressed in baseball hats, around, my computer finally gave thought of hooking up. Oh, how makes my life miserable and the shades and the rest of the Hallow- it up for me, and the Internet lost those grey and blue colors of the lives of those other 4-500 students. een spy-kit). Why me? its virginity for the penetrating eyes box teased, and tempted and lured Then again: why does it work per- Well a good man and a safe of Dan Hamvas--for exactly two me. And how the thought of infi- fectly in Charlson? And if it works place is hard to find. And honest to minutes. nite wanderings in porn-kingdom there, what's the deal here? Be- God, I kept them very well, but... Then it started ducking out. I turned me on. cause this is ridiculous. well, I'm one of those kind of drug guess it had a headache. It kept And then I started looking for I'm not only sexually frustrated dealers who tastes what he is sling- saying: "This page cannot be dis- counseling. I went to other people any more, but also stressed and ing. And damn, 1 got hooked on it. pJayed." All right, so at first I on my floor in the building and depressed because I was better off And now, here I am in the States, thought I'd be gentle. I restarted, talked to them and asked them for walking down to the lab every day and basically I'm on a therapy. I'm tried again and again, but it kept advice, but to my surprise almost than being in my room waiting for being detoxicated against my wilL punking out on me all of them shared the terrible fate the Internet connection 10 gather r am deprived of the sight of those So finally I made it do stuff it of these miserable porn addicts. enough juice to fire up. angelic women who give it all up was hesitating to, like look up my They were all complaining I'm tired of waiting and ex- for money (plus I am not allowed mail, and hook onto Yahoo, so that about how sometimes. these com- tremely irritated by it. to use bad language) ... But detox I can look at movie trailers and puters are ~ot willing to perform the Somebody might want to fix the