Page 134 - Phoenix1998-99

Thursday, March 4, 1999 - Page 10 FEATURES Pisces 2120 - 3120 This week, Pisces, be 6/21..-7/23 careful what colors you wear. Cancer Vince Gill has won many Sagittarius 11/23 - 12121 It's not gangs that you should Grammyawards. If I were to advise you to as- worry about but Jerry sassinate a key WMC adminis- Falwell. trator this week, Sagittarius, I Leo 7124 - 8/23 would probably get into trouble. Aries 3/21 - 4119 Cha, cha, chao So rub a bald man's head in a You'd have to be stoned to Virgo 8/24 - 9/23 counterclockwise fashion, in- think that I'd stoop to drug String Cheese Incident hasn't stead. Result: assuming you use wax, his head will be shiny. references this early in the won any Grammys. horoscope, Aries. Capricorn 12/22 - 1120 Libra 9124 - 10123 Create your own fantasy Taurus 4120 - 5/20 Bad luck, Libra. Preempting world this week, Capricorn. No, I don't know when Arthur that horoscopes should Table. I'm Wilmer was born, so I'll complaints predictions and advice, I I don't mean join the Knights of the Sextagonal feature pretend he was a Taurus. predict your feet smell like butter talking refrigerator boxes here! Rest in peace, Mr. Wilmer. rum. Advice: wash between your toes this week. Aquarius 1121 - 2119 Gemini 5121 - 6/20 ''I'm Audi" is an annoying Don't fret, Gemini. Some 10/24 - 11122 way to say, "see you later, alli- people find turkey necks Scorpio gator." You stillread this thing? attractive. The Grammys: The . Cheap Thrills: Bill Murray, good good, the bad, and Shania d b t h ki ,0 GLAR BVSHAWNSPRAGUE She change, with the times at sex an 00 y-s a In In SlaifWriler an unheard-of pace and, again, looked like a new woman. song. If it works let me know. And Last year was a humdrum year Not to my surprise, Will Smith BY MATTHEW THOMAS know. And you'll never find out if in music by anyone's standards. won best rap song for "Gettin' SwffWriler give me your friend's mom's tele- I'm fibbing unless you listen. Con- phone number. (So I can repri- Innovation was not 1998's strong Jiggy Wit' It." He has a knack for Hello, and welcome to Cheap stantly. suit, but some interesting new al- producing rap-pop crossovers Thrills, where you get more bang mand her, of course.) If it's the gratuitous nudity and What is it that makes you want bums, songs, and stars emerged in which rake in the dough and is con- for your buck and more joy in your to shake your booty? The beat! not the brilliant screenwriting or of Varsity Blues numerous genres: pop-rock, teen sistently rewarded for his efforts at joybang. That's it! Create a booty-shaking superb soundtrack beat, rap. adult contemporary, and the Grammys and the bank. It's that time of year here at riot in GLAR one'hight this week, that you're after, then another video alternative. Jay-Z, who was one of the hot- Cheap Thrills where your fearless and you won't have to buy one of rental is in order. Recently at the top Sex-O-Meter, of Details magazine's These trends were apparent in test rappers of the year, won best bargain-hunter is plumb out of the new hit soundtracks like, say, who the music industry chose to rap album for "Vol. 2: The Hard- ideas, has a test in the morning, and Varsity Blues to dance. Sex and Zen is at your local video store. About a bazillion times more reward last Wednesday at the forty- Knock Life." doesn't feel like sacrificing a grade How? You ask me how? Why, than either Varsity Blues first annual Grammy Awards. In a shameless bow to commer- for the sake of the column. But, demand that WMCR, j 13 Watts of interesting This year's host, Rosie cialism, the Grammy for best song he'll do it anyway! After all, wasn't Pure Power.tv be played in or my parenthetical comments, Sex O'Donnell, did a decent job of it that model of all Christian kings, GLAR. WMCR plays a lot of and Zen also has a lot of football. Oh, wait, I mean nudity. keeping the audience's spirits high, Henry V, who said something about booty-shake-inducing music, you although her brand of humor was Lauryn Hill doing it for God, country, and the not a perfect fit for the crowd, not performed "Zion" sake of a cheap glass of sake? It the normal middle-America audi- was something like that, anyway. Free, confidential services ence to whom she usually caters. before receiving the (Who knew Henry V was Japa- The show's greatest asset is in- nese?) round-the-clock variably it's performances, which album of the year Anyway, the big deal in enter- range from utterly brilliant to the awardfor her tainment here at Cheap Thrills, on type which make me resort to Late Night with Conan O'Brien, changing the channel to reruns of album. and with pseudo-hipsters every- "Walker, Texas Ranger." where has been Rushmore. Mov- This year, the greatest per- went to Celine Dian, whose "My ies are expensive, though, espe- former was certainly Luciano Heart Will Go On" was the music cially when you can't sneak: into Pavoratti. As he belted out those industry's answer to the success of them. With that in mind, this Cheap full notes with unending passion, a ''Titanic.'' Thrills is dedicated to alternate sug- tear almost came to my eye. The Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" was gestions to current popular movies. Shania Twain, on the other a much better song, as was indi- Instead of Rushmore, why not hand, did not cause the same reac- cated when it received a huge round rent Bottle Rocket and Groundhog tion as she strutted the stage dressed of applause as it was read from the Day (or What About Bob?, like a common streetwalker, list of candidates. Ghostbusters, or Stripes)? The Every day we provide services screaming in the general direction My pet peeve this year is that fanner is by the same folks who to people who never expected of some unknown client. the Beastie Boys's comeback al- came up with Rushmore; the latter to be hurt by sexual violence Lauryn Hill performed "Zion" bum and great new song "fnterga- are all wonderful Bill Murray as the final performance of the lactic" were not even mentioned. flicks. You've got the best of both evening, before receiving the al- One of the most interesting per- worlds. bum of the year award for "The fonnances was when Kirk Frank- Rush"moremakes me think of Miseducation ofLauryn Hill." She lin and his choir were joined by The Graduate, for some reason. walked the stage with class, and both Mary J. Blige and Bono of Much cheaper, and quite possibly was visibly shocked. Irish pop legend U2 who all sang much more dangerous than renting Madonna fans, don't be angry. together a rousing Gospel song. The Graduate is finding a Mrs. Though Madonna got the shaft in That was quite a sight and left Robinson of your own. Just act like both the best song and best album me wondering in what new direc- Dustin Hoffman around any of your categories, she did win best pop tions the music industry will take friends' moms. Or break into that Telephone: 410~857-0900 singer. "Ray of Light" was an ex- in the years ahead. With such a mix Simon & Garfunkel song. You cellent album as fresh as anything of pure creativity and pure crap, know, "Bridge Over Troubled Wa- Web pa~e: www.rapecrisjscc.c?m on the market. who knows what will happen? ters." Middle-aged ladies dig that