Page 108 - ThePhoenix1997-98

Thursday. February 19, 1998 - Page 4 COMMENTARY Staff The Soapbox The Edftcr-In-Cbler Doorstop Kate Hampson '00 Adam Dean speaks out against holes" mentioned and didn't appreciate be- Managing Editor inappropriate slogans on ing commented on like that by some igno- Dilemma Emily Stamathis '00 rant buffoon who didn't even know me. He Tvshirts AdvertisingfBusiness Manager was smart enough to leave the situation, and Eric Barry on the scent of Laura Kelley '01 Iwas smart enough to swallow my pride and News Editor Recently, I have noticed a small trend on let the matter stand as it was. No trouble problems with Hoover Christian Wilwohl '98 campus and in the outside world that I find erupted as a result of this. But, had there been computer lab troubling: the wearing of T-shirts bearing alcohol or drugs involved there was a very Assistant News Editor Erin Howard '00 designs whose sole purpose seems to be to good chance someone would have found What is that smell? Is it Glar? Is it a shock, insult, or offend. themselves in a hospital that night. Rouzer bathroom? Of course not. It is Features Editor Many of these shirts feature profanities, Why anyone who believes in self preser- Nikki BeJanger'98 the Hoover computer lab. The smell of improper illustrations of the feminine form, vation would want to walk around wearing the lab is worse than the previously men- Assistant Features Editor and allusions to human sexual organs. a rude, insulting slogan on their chest is be- tioned places, eight out of ten visits. Nicki Kassolis '99 Wearing a shirt of this type shows a total yond me. Yes, your slogan may be offensive A lot of stuck-up students on cam- Editorials Editors lack of respect for one's self and for others. to the 96 year old grandmother across the pus want everything catered to their Adam Dean '98 It also shows the world that the wearer is an street, but it may also be taken badly by the needs. Many students are always com- MeganMartin'OI ignorant, pompous ass whose only pleasure 300-pound biker standing at the comer. Any- plaining about something. I would not Art Editor is to try and lower others to his own dismal one who is foolish enough to wear something place myself in this category. However, MikePuskar'99 level by Hashing obscenities and uninformed like that is writing checks they can't cash I would like to think that asking for the Photographers insults at the public at large. This is a very poor survival strategy. computer lab not to stink is a reason- Nathan Birdsall '99 Shirts of this type also can be a danger to II all comes down to respect. Someone able request. Jose (Juba) Siqueira '()() the wearer. Many of these rags seem to be who wears something designed to offend, for The easy cure for this stink problem Jesste weustag designed to start fights. r myself have seen no other purpose than a cheap thrill, shows a is to place a door stop in the door to keep Senior Writers fools in shirts featuring slogans which were lack of maturity and respect for himself, his it propped open. There is nothing more Carolyn D. Barnes '98 insulting and offensive to me. In one case I community, and everyone else. No one likes gross than walking into the Hoover com- Jonathcn Shacat '98 lenniferVick '98 introduced myself to the idiot wearing the to be disrespected. puter lab and seeing a whole bunch of shirt and informed him Iwas one of the "a- sweaty people nervously writing (pla- Staff Writers giarizing) their research papers or, bet- Eric Barry '()() Anne Butler '01 ter yet, some horny freshman download- Kale Esposito '01 Squirrel Spirit Richard Hamilton '99 ing porn. Almost instantly upon enter- Jeremy Lopus '00 ing this computer lab, you are bom- Sarah Radice '01 barded with stagnant stank air. leniferSirkis '01 Anne Butler offers some Think about it. What would be more in- David Szepesi '99 If Hoover is worried about the cost Kate Tevis '01 humorous ideas about campus timidating to the opposing team than a troop of a little wooden doorstop then surely Jessie Watts '98 squirrels and on-campus jobs. of trained squirrels painted in school colors someone must be willing to donate one Distribution swarming over our court? to this worthy cause. Once in a great Richard Hamilton '99 There are too many squirrels on campus. During the homecoming parade the floats while, I conjure up enough courage 10 Rich Suchoski '00 Something should really be done about them. could be pulled by 10Ls of squirrels (who are hold my breath long enough to check Subscriptions Now I'm not proposing that we exterminate given treats afterward), thus saving man- my e-mail. However, usually if I walk Richard Hamilton '99 them, far from it. In fact, Ithink these squir- power and the money spent on tractors. to Hoover and find the door to the com- rels have a lot of hidden potential that should Or, the homecoming king and queen puter lab shut, I immediately tum around Adviser Terry Dalton be. harnessed and used to the college's ad- could be escorted by a "royal guard" of green and walk 10 the Writing Center. vantage. and gold squirrels. , I am not going to be self-centered The squirrels could boost school spirit Perhaps we could hold "squirrel races" and ignore the feelings of the rest of the tremendously. Why not use some type of or "squirrel nut hunts" in order to raise students. Many students at WMC have non-toxic paint in order to color the little money for school events and charities. spent more than half their lives in a ThePhoenixispublishedbiweekly. The buggers in our college's proud colors of The squirrels could become popular at- locker room and most definitely love opinions expressed do not necessarily rep- green and gold? They are college squirrels tractions here. The school would attract new this salty stench Iam talking about. The resent those of 11IePhoenix staff, the fac- after all. I'm sure there must be some type students based solely on our famous trained smell problem has clearly been covered ulty, or the administrators ofWMC. so let me move on to the next problem. INC_ONVENIENCE. When this The paper welcomes free-lance submis- The squirrels could become popular attractions here. door isn't propped, it is so difficult to sions on Macintosh disks in most word pro- The school would attract new students based solely on get in and out of the lab. If there are cessor formats. The editor reserves the right people talking to the lab assistant at his/ to edit for clarity, length, and libel and to our famous trained squirrels! People would come from her desk, good luck in trying to get in publish as space permits. All submissions all over the country, maybe even the world just to and out. Even when there is no one talk- (excluding self-addressed diskenes) become ing to the lab assistant, a small guy like the property of The Phoenix and cannot be learn about these fabulous furred wonders! myself finds difficulty in opening the returned. door to leave. Ipractically have to stand Please include a name and phone num- on the lab assistant's desk to open the ber for verification. Names will be with- of spray or mix that wouldn't be harmful to squirrels! door. held only by the discretion of the Editor-in- the little fellows. And the college could even People would come from all over the To add to this dilemma: What if Chief. use work-study or campus employment stu- country, maybe even the world, just to learn there was a fire? If there was a fire, I dents to keep them painted. about these fabulous furred wonders! wouldn't wait the 15 seconds for the' The Phoenix does rK>I: discriminate based Once the squirrels are all decked out, why We could train even more work-study stu- emergency exit to open. Surely others on age, race, religion, gender, sexual orien- not go to the next step? dents as "squirrel experts" who lead tours would go straight to the main door also, tation, national origin, condition of handi- Why not train the squirrels in order to add and discuss the history of the squirrels. and if everyone crammed up against that cap, or marital status. a sense of flair to the cheerleaders' routine Western Maryland College would be- door, it would open just nicely (sarcas- during a game? come known as the top squirrel training site tic as ever). Especially during a basketball game, in the country! We would be respected and The dumbest solution to this prob- these fluffy rodents would be effective in get much prestige. lem is to stack books up against the door Mail to: many ways. We could get a lot of the buggers Perhaps even our reputation would vaunt to keep it propped. That was a good so- The Phoenix and train them to run out onto the court dur- us in the same categories as Harvard, Yale, lution until 30 people tripped over them. WMC, 2 College Hill ing halftime or before a game. or Vassar! Whoever wants to take credit for that Westminster, MD 21157 After the squirrel's little "run" we could Or the school could forget these ridicu- idea may do so. have experienced squirrel-catchers (yet an- lous ideas and work on finding some real I myself would enjoy donating a (410)751-8600 other job for work study/campus employ- ways to provide the new excess of students doorstop to the Hoover computer lab, .. (410) 876-2055, ext 8600 ment students) to round them up for the next with campus employment and work study . but I wouldn't want to upset all those FAX (410) 857-2729 performance. students that enjoy the stench of the lab E-Mail: phoenix@wmdc.edu and the inconvenience of "the door."