Page 114 - ThePhoenix1992-93

The Bird Aprill, 1993, Page 2 Global Blindsights "I'm sorry, could you repeat?" All you wanted to know about the world but were afraid to ask. By Us SWALLOWS In the avam-garde France, showering is Mi"..,,,,ryRt,,_.u,, out of fashions these days. Christian Dior , who won the Gold Tongue in the SEX last fashion show, has launched this "The French actually invented French new style of living. Be fashionably kissing, that's wby they are so good at it. dirty! Usc your tongue' It's sexy ...and Being born with the world's longest can clean any wrinkle you can imagine. tongues, they have been practicing it TECHNOLOGY since early childhood. *This guy from New Jersey asked a Sri "The only movies made in Sweden are lankan "Hey, dude, did you drive over porno movies. That's all they know how here, man?" The truth is the Sri to do since the cold weather forces them Lankans park their tigers in the zoo -lot to stay warm in creative ways. behind the Supercurrymarket where the "Nudity in Germany is so "culturally underwater tunnel starts. There, they correct" mat wearing clothes is appall- have a rental place with imported fly- iog, humiliating and offending. So, don 't ing carpets from India (that are actually bother packing any clothes in your suit- mass-produced in Taiwan, but don't tell case when you go over there. anyone, okt), and they depart from there POLITICS to America. '"A very intelligent American when do- *Another dude from live in trees. ~~fiim~mm;~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Frederick, MD ing an internship at the German em- asked if Ethiopians They bassy asked: What part of Gennany is do live in trees, and the American em- ~ communist? Northorsouth? Well,as the bassy is in the biggest one where they Chinese say. iftomatocs are communist, play basket- ball with coconuts. then what about ketchup? (Think about While Ethiopians are still using drums it next lime you eat French fries ...) for communication, Sri Lankans who "Isn't socialism, socialism? Then, Swe- are a little more advanced in technol- den and Cuba must be the same as an- ogy, have equipped their camels with other American stated. Yes, in- fact, telephone booths. Ptdct Castro came over for a cup of cor- *An American asked: "Do you have the fee with Olaf Palme. At the end of the 4th of July?" Of course, the rest of the conversation, they smoked a couple of world has a 4th of July. It comes after cigars, made a porno movie together the 3rd of July and before the 5th (cor- (Castro was bored by tbe cold weather), rect me if I'm wrong.) and after that, they took a brush and "00 we celebrate it?" Yes. sure. It's my painted everything in red; socialism was Grandpa's birthday! born to live forever. • Are all swedish people blond and blue HYGIENE eyes? Yes, indeed. It is a rule written "The answers to a survey about in the Constitution that all Swedes who French's hygiene were rather shocking. are not blond and blue-eyed must be- Their body odors smell like come gourmet meat balls in the local Camembert, Brie and a little tint of restaurants. As the Chinese say, if a nail Blue Cheese. gets caught between your teeth, you are They don't use soap, but rather their probably chewing on a real Swedish long tongues (see beginning) to lick meat-ball. Use nail-polish remover to themselves clean. take it out. WPSS Campus Poll Financial Aid Slavery Y MOINJOE !VQOdeceker Pollllt'" lMINCHARGI;~ on the first day the new option was of- rcent of vlrglnsO.t1 campuS brokendownb~lS¢x and bUilding Empr.,= fered," said Ignorance Isbliss. "I just knew WPSS wouldn't let us down even nienofEdenApartmen'" male4.5% (emale3,8% A new financial aid option which al- during these tough financial limes." lows students to sell themselves to Are students worried about what job run in buHdlngthree Westminster Post-Secondary School for WPSS will assign them after graduation? their first 10 years after graduation is "WPSS is taking care of us now, and I male 16% now being offered. am positive they will continue to do so easons: Very LOOS£security in elandWord and MW", tald tlalls In exchange for iO years of their life, after graduation," exclaimed AlitUe Na- hitely Co)lvent Hall: female 99,35% students will receive a free or discounted ive. "WPSS hasn't let its students down easons:Extr~melyT[GHT security. Being caught trying to sneak in 4-ycar education at WPSS. However, yet." students will not be sure exactly what One student was outraged by the new cries very STlFPpenalties and doesn't bode well with !tigheraull1Oribes, work they will be assigned to do for the policy. "I can't believe WPSS has the &M Hall: male 7% female 10% college until after their graduation. nerve to raise the tuition to such a high easons: .·'I'his ball bas not onlyinspic¢c1 direcWr10bD waters. butmany This new financial aid option was set price and then ask students to sen IO up following WPSS' unusually large ru- years of their life to compensate for the ther;Nratedditect6rs~ welt ]3e¢:lUSeitis:nation~UyknownWPSS ilion increase. The tuition was increased change." stated Imto lice tend to avoid getting involYe£i wtth this buildinga}togethet to $32,961 per student per year. Smartfonnyowngood. "1' d leave here if teesare Suites, male 3.3% female 2.7% "We realized !!!QSutudents could not I could, but 1 only have one more semes- comtnue to attend WPSS with a tuition ter and my credits won't transfer." easens; ··Livinginsun~doestendro Pl'QIDOte n\3$~i~eorgies this high," explained WPSS President Many students have become upset cDonaldsHalI: male 17% female 8% Robert Halls. "We thought we'd offer with Imto's protests and are out-casting this option to help students out by giving him from campus activities. WPSS are them an added alternative." encouraging these students 10 continue Some students seem genuinely ex- such actions by giving them special hon- cited about the new option. "I signed up orary awards for loyalty to WPSS.