Page 45 - ThePhoenix1988-89

December 1, 1988IWestern Maryland College/Page 9 --------BobBrown------------------------------- This year, give the gift Brown questions legalization of drugs that keeps on giving ...all year long!! The legalization of drugs. That's ya?) Now that's the real thing. it (Slapforehead.) Now why didn't And there'll be commercials on and the like legal as well as pass out ~J ~;:~~~,h;gh.miJeagelineOf'89 but you can spread that I think of that'? I really hate it when T.V. "Come down to Thosenral's someone else minks of a good idea Lincoln Mercury and Syringes. We You can't giftwrap beforeldo. It's areal downer. Y'see, ~~c;~~d~::e~.ou~h::~eO: the Men of WMC, I consider myself a creative genius of sorts, and I should've thought of this idea before anyone else. It's so clear now. Makemarijuana by giving the tha,thegovemmen,mllha"lOadd sterile needles to drug addicts. Soon becO~~;~:eal~m~::~;:~ Holiday Cheer afterwards, everyone will" stop ~;:~een~:~;;:::ll::~~~: 1989 MEN of WMC Calendar. smoking and shooting drugs. The In a similar vein, sterile logic is beautiful-so profound, yet needles should be given to drug ~:e:~~~as~sh~abinet-the Contact Mary Baschoff or Helen Lowe by so simple. addicts and marijuana And I can see the next campus mail if you are interested. Well, my pride has been deeply ougbt.i.Oops, someone already There will be r=~=~i~iij~~;;;====l wounded. So, to make sure that this thought of dlat one. some candidate doesn't happen again (i.e. someone Then, there are the economic Presidentialelection. who will echo beats me to a brilliant idea), I am now arguments. But you can't blame Herbert Hoover's slogan, going to introduce several similar me for not having thought of promising each household "a billslhatthegovemmentshould enact them; I'm not an Econ major. chicken inevery pot." (well.n'Ilbe as law as soon as they legalize drugs. However, I consider myself a close.) To each household, ''pot for Firstof all. people who are known profit prophet-I understand the every turkey." to be chronic cheaters should be given economic reasons for legalizing Miss Marijuana beauty pageants- miniature telescopes so they can or decriminalizing drugs, and I'd the most unpoised wins. cheat on tests without straining their like to make some long-range Olympic athletes will be stripped eyes. This policy will ensure that forecasts concerning them. of their medals if no trace of drugs cheaters will not lose their eyesight. Ican see the legalization of can be found in their bloodstream. ~=~~~~~~~==~~~~~==d Secondly. potential and convicted drugs as the Savior of America's Prudes Anonymous, a rapists should be given a free. lifetime economic crisis. However. I psychological treatment program supply of condoms. Consequently. have one very serious question where healthy individuals can go On-campus travel representative or women will beable to walk around on that no one seems to have taken for counseling and through cold organization needed to promote the streets fearless of getting pregnant into consideration. What will turkey until their bodies break the should they encounter a rubbered happen to the needles? Will they drug-free habit. Spring Break rapist. be thrown out, wasted? Whynot This whole thing is like when Next, the government ought to institute a program where there you have a heart auack. Whatdoes trip to Florida. create a program called Suiciders is a 5-cent refund on returnable the doctor do? Play with acouple of Anonymous where depressed people needles, like aluminum cans? capillaries in your big toe? No, he Earn money, free trips, and valuable experience. can go to learn how to kill themselves And legalizing marijuana, I goes straight to the source of the Call Inter-Campus Programs: cleanly without having to needlessly realize that this might not be a problem-tbe heart. (Yes, an 1-800-433- n47 worry about botching their attempt national program, but soon analogy is forthcoming.) Today. in and winding up alive but with broken everyone else will be crying out America, there issupposedly a "war arms and legs. This policy will ensure that their civil rights are being against drugs." I'mnotamemberof that potential suicides will not have to violated because the government the ROTC, but I do know that to House of Liquors undergo long stays at the hospital and won'tletthemgethigh. (Beware fight effectively and win a war, you thus miss work at their jobs. of the MRA.) A new have to stop the pea-shooter "Everything in Spirits, PLUSCourtesy and Service" Fourthly. I think that grocery stores Amendment will beadded to the skirmishes with the civilians and ought to install a special check-out Constitution guarding against start doing bazooka battle with the line where shoppers will be allowed narcotic discrimination. As a opposing generals. If the top brass Alice Flynn, to sneak things through without result, marijuana vending is knocked out. the little guys Location: paying. because paying is costly and machines will mushroom across become weak and disorganized. CARROLL PLAZA Manager getting caught is embarrassing. " the country. There will be The Colombian drug kingpins, Westminster, MD 21157 301·848·1314 have: '-==================; Also, the government ought to Classic Marijuana, the Original in dumping hundreds of tons of ' distribute safety matches to arsonists. Formula; diet Marijuana, for the drugs into this country, silencers to gun-toting murderers, weight-conscious addict; and enactedastale.ofwar.Ourresponse .r should be a full-fledged military I Xerox machines to plagiarizers,and caffeine-free Marijuana ('cause RazzMaTazz slanted trays to bad waiters. you don't want to get hooked, do effort against them. . .. formerly Heads Up. Barnes on dress the problem of racism. It is vital to make the majority We're the difference between However, to improve under- of the students on this campus at a hair cut and a hair style! racism standing concerning racism, the least aware of the things that are BSU should sponsor an evening beingdonelOcombatracism;. After (cont'd from page 4) in McDaniel Lounge where all, it is the student body, not the Located in the Carroll Plaza Shoppin~ Center important issues such as Apart- administration, that has the ultimate Call us at {30!l 876·0654 A larger meeting has been heid and even racism at WMC power to resolve this problem. It is planned for December 6. Unfortu- could be discussed. I believe through the events such as these that nately the meeting is closed to the that such an event would sur~ we can focus on racism at WMC. Show College ID and save $3 public; only the faculty, administra- prise many minority students in Continuing to complain about the tion and president and vice-president that it would most likely draw a problem will do nothing more than of each campus organization will be large crowd of interested stu- put minorities in a bad light on invited. dents, many of whom support campus. RazzMaTazzjeature thefinest hair artisans; These are steps in tberightdirec- these types of efforts and vehe- Laurie Logue, Pete Moser, Eleanor Stacy, Lisa tion if WMC seriously wants to ad- mently oppose racism. William Barnes, Jr. Crown, Diana Klug and Vicky Backhaus Phi Delta Theta Fraternity