Page 156 - Scrimshaw1975-76

....4 Scrimshaw Thur$~ay. May 13, 1986 SGA Pandemonium: Violence erupts at otherwise dull meeting The £inaI SGA ~eeting of t~e then objected to Whatsis' Boogie" eighty times. Torment Homecoming bands as long as you much less what the meaning of his - ~~~::~f'gh7~~t~~n~rn:e~~t~~ ~~~~:~''~~st~~:~~i~ p;~~~~!~~:a~~~~:~~dd:!~~,t~~~e::!!?,iring those third-rate hit ~:y~~~I:~:c:~~~~S:f~~~fi~~ that :~~~~e~~~e:t~?sl~h:~~~~~~~ ~~~!~:~e~~~ ~~~~ ~e ~;~ ~c:~ H~~hO~~~i~~n~~ ~hx~ r!~~~~~:~~~:~assassins planted It was determined been properly informed, being as claimed. "Can't we get nothing "Enough is enough," exclaimed ~~~~~k~~;!,~~ ;:~:~~e:!~~n ~~ the by-laws in order to find out ~~An~rbol~~~I~~t~ei~'g~!~i~ ~~~:~:~ ~~~'~a~~e::the~ :a~~~~~;:~h~ o~~~ d;:~ side, didn't have much time left, so ;~~Jst~:dSt~~~~ h~~eJoas~ss~~~ McDaniel had not been turned on. objection on the grounds that 'Fire!' in a crowded theater. Who ~~t~~s~~~~f:'la:!o~~:::e~ who miss their mark in the middle ~~rs~~t~~~~tU~i~~~~~~~~~ ~~~t~~:.kW:~~iS ':!;~~!:~::Zu::'u o:h~! y:~rt;;;~/t ~~ comfortable as possible, moving ~ea r::~~~gh:!~ n~~ ~~~~i~~~ Culotte, Diane Moreless, John angry at this point, alleging that assassins quickly began to shoot at ~::~=:~~r ~~~~~~h:a~~aa:i~: The by-laws stated that in such a ~~~~~~t~dR~~c ~~~~~', ti:!n~~ ;o%~~~~g i~ndfor C~f~~elf"~~~ =t~:~~~:~~~eu'::~:t;~e~r~~~ Hanover, Pennsylvania. When ~:Sve~t~~~[~en~ont1n~ssa~::~~I~~~ tendance at this meeting consisted Hamhock," as was evidenced by the meeting, he only succeeded in ~:!t~fc~e had ~~c~~t requ~u~: revoked for two weeks. Since the fo two senat~ members,. an such instances as the fact that both shooting himself in the foot. The two assassins in question never alter.nate, and Ripple, ~ho was Just officers habitually br-ing three other opened fire on Whatsis, but ... gasp ... give. gasp my had any voting privileges, the passing through on his way to a packs of 'True Extra-Long Non- his bullets took a wild ricochet off choke ... congratulations gulp .. meeting went on as usual in- hydrant. President Whatsis Filter-Tips' to meetings and smoke Dianne Moreless' pennanent and Keith Whats-his-name ... gasp ... for terrupted only by the return df the ~~~ii~~~::edt~~te~=t~e ;:Co~~ ~~~;' ~~r~;!:';it~:yt~~l~~: ~~~n~a:;:~O:rkme~t:~'cr:a:~ ~i;n~';!k:~~,sP~t·a w~~~~e"r!~~~";! ~:p;~ty ~~nc~t!p~~m~~ alt~~ but expresse? his doubt as to the radio station where Hamhock said, smiling, "Don't ever com- departed. Since nobody at the noise next door was ruining their ~he~~~b~is~~bl~ q~Oh~~ ~~~~ works and requesting "Get Up And plain to us about hiring second-rate meeting knew what to do with him, game (continued on page 37) =~~~~7~~A~~~u~~ y:t~~~w:'~ May Carnival offers new approaeh quorum," explained Whatsis. "That's where you have a The old truism that WMC an all-metal chair, and in a manner "Section Party" the partiCipating construction hovering over the designated number of Senate students won't go for anything that reminiscent of various methods of girl or guy picks out the person who remains of Forlines House. A members so that you can fairly offers a disruption from their usual interrogation used during the ditched him or her at a frat party closer look told us that it was a vote on a given motion. Remem- routines was forever disproven Vietnam War, is "induced" via a or stood him or her up on a date. huge toilet. We watched a satisfied ber, Scott?" To Whatsis' ex- with the advent of WMC's new, relatively mild electrical shock (of The deSignated individual is then stUdent pay a dime to climb into a planation Hamhock replied, "Oh, improved, and vastly changed May about 350 volts) to "answer" a placed on a platform while the crane, which subsequently snat- yea h, that's right./\ quorum! Now Carnival last Sunday. Thanks to number of "quiz questions" based student throws five cans of Colt at ched up an unsuspecting Dean I know what you mean. It's just the offbeat and highly original on the student's own areas of ex- a target which, when hit, will Laideelawdown and dropped her been so long since we've had one, ideas of coordinator Bill Tribble, perience. Watching the teacher "dunk" the victim into thirty kegs into the white ceramic structure, I'd forgotten what it meant." this traditional yearly event took a squirm and wiggle, both before and of leftover Bud. In an amusing where her screams were quickly completely different direction during the electrical shocks, trying twist on the traditional "dunking drowned out by the ear-splitting President Whalsis then forewent from years past--and drew the to answer such questions as "Who game," a bou1der is tied around the flush. The name of the activity was ordinary procedure to propose an biggest crowd in May Carnival is Jethro Tull's son-in-law?" victim's neck. In another activity, "Tell The Administration What emergency motion-namely that in hiStory. "Name Rod Laver's win record of entitled "Spring Dance," students You Think!" the event that a full quorum is not 1972," and "Identify three who didn't get to go Saturday night Tribble then enthusiastically present, the senate members who "I figured the May Carnival examples of cyclical symbolism pay fifty ce:ts to watch a fire pointed out an activity which, as he are in attendance at the meeting needed a theme," explained inherent in 'iJohemian "accidentally" catch in the described it, was "designed for the should carry the deCiding vote on Tribble, "and I looked at the most RhapSOdy"', was truly an exciting cafeteria and consume an entire student who's frustrated with whatever motions are brought up successful events of past Car- and amusing pastime. As one roomful of accurately dressed and everything!" Nearly stumbling that evening. John Torment and nivals. Car smashes, sponge happy student said after winning a coiffed party goers. "God," on the rubble that once was Albert Rick Cross immediately objected tosses, dunkings-what do all these match with the late Dr. Leroy murmured one astonished student, Norman Ward Hall, Tribble on the grounds that all members of have in common? Release, my Panicstricken, "It was really "I'm sure glad I didn't gol" happily beckoned us to behold, the SGA senate should be aJlowed friend release! All these activities amazing. Ironic, too, that he should atop the blue water tower, a to vote on every issue whether they help our students to find a hea1thy, have been muttering something As we passed such displays as student wielding a maching gun in are interested in it or not. A half- societally approved scapegoat for about George Bernard Shaw and "Rouzer Hall H-Bomb," "Mc- the "Charles Whitman" con- hour of argument followed, topped their normal tensions and the Life Forcejust before he keeled Daniel Machineguns," and "Quad cession. As we observed our off by a speech made by Whatsis aggressions. Well, I figured, why over." Holocaust," and as the "Black watches, to say nothing of the which concluded, "And it is my piddle around with what society Frustration" and "White spray of fire that just took Tribble honest feeling that the vote should approves of when you C2ll just as Other games were designed to Backlash" concessions began to and five others, we decided that it ~~;~n~:::i~ ~~~f;~o~~~: ::~r.~~~~~~~i~t~:~:~:~:~lr !~~~~~t~~el~~o~~~f~~twee::M~~ ~~::. ~~~o~~~l~ ~fg:[i~ !~ft~;n~::!i~;~elY time to (continued SGA to be !,resent at meetings. It more than pay for the damage Men and women rooming togethe ~:~~~~~I\~~1:ru~~~a~:~~s~~n:. :r::;i~~~~~~is:~s~~~[~:~b~~~ should lie, since their presence makes them the only ones who Thus Tribble saw the- ingenuity The Housing Council has finally thought the number said 9.86 them born with wedding rings on have proved themselves truly of his concept put into vibrant made a decision concerning the worthy of such responsibility. Isn't action. From the moment you uneven proportion of men to women and I was wondering their fingers." A more liberal- that right, Joe"?" Whatsis said with enter and show your lD to the women attending Western how you could have 56 hundredths minded father took a more a smile to one of the two SGA attendant checking (and if you Maryland College. As many know, of a woman anyway, unless ... " At- phiiosophicaJ attitude toward the senate members present, who don't have a student lD with you, the ratio, which currently stands at this point Admissions Director situation: "The way I look at it, replied, "I don't know what the hell you pay $2.00 for which you are 1,082 to 67, has effected many Leslie Bendit told Aching to never why should these kids get things run you're talking about, buddy. I'm given the privilege of smashing the serious changes in the educational mind and would he please pink that we don't get"? Why should my downstairs boy get to sleep with some girl, and deposit this just here because my roommate attendant's teeth in with a and social life at WMC, chief has his girlfriend over and I crowbar), you enter a world far among them the return of dueling slip in his mailbox. when my wife and I haven't slept in haven't got anyplace else to unlike any that you have ever as a school sport. Less desperate As mentioned before, this the same room for years? Uhh .. sleep." Whatsis' proposal was previously s~n. The festivities go men, however, have more or less situation presents a problem to the you will keep this off the record, !'oundly defeated. off to an insplringslart at 11:00 AM adjusted to the problem, and the Housing Council, unused as it is to won't you"?" Sunday morning as the president of dealing with situations in which The students nave, on the other As ;)onna Culotte read off the fraternities had until very recently almost equally proportionate hand, remained more open to this four the minutes, the two Senate members each of a different fraternities each devised a solution to the problem of numbers of. men and women exist type of change, many of them mounted pony, excused themselves from the ornamented with the Greek letters who to bring to section parties. But on campus. A vote was taken, and volunteering to start practicing meeting in order to go to the game which identify that frat. At the now that the two-bit Escort Service the unanimous decision was made: living under the new conditions room and play pool, asking sound of the starter's rifle, the has been permanently closed by That "in order to alleviate the now. The head residents and R.A.'s Whatsis to call them back in if the porues took off in four different the police, the men will have to find rooming problems, one male and are more apprehenSive of the SGA takes a vote on anything. Also directions-and so did militant new answers to their problems -- one female shall inhabit each dorm situations, however, and are at this time, Larry Morphen, at independent Bill Cockroach, who and for now the cattle, sheep, and room on campus." No discussion searching for ways to prevent any visitor, requested that the SGA had been tied to each one. The other barnyard animals which waS taken, although President Bill "unnatural business" which may allocate $150 to the second floor of resulting spectacle was one not bedeck the fields along Rt. 60 are Melancholy tried vainly to in- occur as a result of the new the 'B' section of Albert Nonnan soon forgotten. beginning to look mighty at- troduce an amendment which housing regulations. Among Ward Hall, on the grounds that the tractive. would allow him to get an others, an idea which involves money was needed in order to buy A favorite activity among many Until next year, that is. For the assignment with the cute little placing an adult chaperone in new shirts, dungarees, current attending students was a cleverly solution which has aCcidentally blond sitting to his left. every room was scrapped not only record albums, and after-shave designed and executed (no pun been offered to them in the future because of expense but also due to lotion for the eight residents of the intended> game entitled "Pop is also a very reaJ and viable Already, -this touchy situation the possibility that the old folks noor "in order to get some of those Quiz." At a surprising lack of problem to the rest of the campus. has aroused the ire of several in- might get an even bigger kick out roxy ladies out of the Bachelor expense, Tribble had rounded up 986 women have been mistakenly censed parents. As one par- of things than the young ones do. section and under our sheets for a all of WMC's professors and had placed on the rolls for next year, ticularly vehement mother wrote, According to Melancholy, the rhange." Whatsis denied Morphen persuaded all o( them to par- and since it is too late to retract "It's bad enough you teach choice of roommates will be ef- the allocation, commenting, "I just ticipate in this fun-for-all event-- their admissions, WMC must go evolution and Communism here, fected by a room drawing process. knew this funding for special in- whether they wanted to or not. ahead and admit them. Asked how but teaching boys and girls to ... to Those women with lower numbers terest groups was beginning to go Quite simply, the game worked such an error could occur, Ad- live in sin is positively will have greater acc~ibility to too far." like this: for $1.00 a student invites missions Assistant Ron Aching sickening! If the good Lord had the jocks and fratmen, while the _ the prof of his or her choice to play. replied, "Well ... I guess r just wanted boys and girls to live John Tonnent and Rick Cross The teacher is securely strapped to misplaced that old decimal point. I together, He would have made ~:~:::i~~:r~~~w~:~~e~~, h:~~ •