Page 38 - TheGoldBug1971-72

...nifcoit1BlJG Rocky Fensworthy. Chapter III "Glug'smirnderf kronkalie donkalie..." by Jefferson Dakota doo. Let's run it through the decoder." In our last socially relevant episode, Rocky "What's it say, Rock'?" tried to contact the Scorpion to no avail. He then "I loaf of bread, a gallon of milk, and 2 jars of tried to contact the Scorpion's mother, Mrs. pickles. It must be a grocery list." Scorpion. Now back to our story: "Either that or a recipe for Vinegar "Rocky, I don't think she's going to be in the Croutons." phone book." WILL ROCKY EVER FIGURE OUT A WAY "How 'bout the Yellow Pages?" TO GET RID OF INSPECTOR HENRICKS'? "I doubt it." WILL THE DRYCLEANER EVER FIGURE "The International Plumber's Directory?" OUT A WAY TO GET RID OF ROCKY? WILL "Look, instead of bothering that little old lady, THESE EPISODES KEEP GETTING SHOR- why don't you wait for the Scorpion to contact TER? you?" For these and other soporific issues, fall in (or With that a black-cloaked (original, huh") out> for the next chapter of Fens Rocksworthy, figure dashed into the lobby, touched Rocky and Eyevate Pryor more understandably, Rocky yelled, "Tag, you meatball!" and ran back out. Fensworthy. Private Keepout. •• "He sure has his amount of gall!" a-e •• '.# ... , "You mean calling you a meatball?" ..' "I don't really mind that, after all we must make allowances for the warped criminal mind, but I was 'IT' last week." "Look,something fell outof his pocket. Hmmm, a dry cleaning ticket for 3 super-villian outfits, 2 capes, a collapsable top hat, and a , corduroy secret weapon case." "What's the name of the shop?" "It says, 'Have a pressing engagement? We'll ., fix your super-human costume faster than you can flame on. Doom and Clean.' It's on West 42nd • ; street. Let's get-over there." ,. They hopped Into. their 1964 VW Micro-Bus (complete with sticking valves) with the sun roof stuck halfway open and went over to the shop. The owner was talking on the phone as they WMC froshprofiled walked in. Let's nsten: "Look, Flash old boy, my deepest sympathies In a report to high school guidance 'personnel (sp?) that you vibrated through a vending to aid them in advising students interested in machine but there's nothing I can do to get those applying to the college, Western Maryland has slices of lemon meringue pie out of your zoot suit. released a report showing the profile of the I tell ya' what How 'bout if I dye your costume present WMC freshmen. the color of coffee-stain instead of that showy red The report, compiled by the Admissions and yellow'? Also, why don't you figure out a committee, shows that out of a total of 1065 ap- better way to carry around your pajamas of plications received last year, 141women and 140 derring-do than popping them out of that ring. men were accepted as the class of 1971.Of these, Those wrinkles are tough to get out. I gotta run 38%of the women and 20%of the men were in the speedy, I got customers. Right, see you later." top fifth of their graduating classes, with 99% of He hung up and then said, "Yes, gentlemen can I the-class represented in the figures used. Taking help you'?" into account 58% of the class, 23% of the women- "Have you seen the Scorpion?" and 14%of the men have an IQ above 130. In a study taken of 97%of the class members, r:~~~;~~;';;;;;';;~L".t"You mean the nut with all the black long "; johns?" the Inspector said pregnant with 4% of the class as a whole scred 700 or above on "Yeh," the verbal part of the Scholastic Aptitude test. In 50'70 OFFon DIAMONDS pertinence. the non-verbal SAT's 10%of the class scored in the 700's. "No, I haven't seen him but he left a Captain at Baltimore's DISCOUNT Jeweler! Marvel decoder ring in one of his pockets." He Twenty-two percent of the freshmen left to get the ring. "Here it is. It's really a nifty 500different , ring. Look, a secret compartment, a decoder, graduated from classes having six hundred or more students. Thirteen states, the District of styles of rings! and a 5(: off coupon on a large box of Oreos." Columbia, and eight foreign countries are the "Let's see that secret compartment. Aha, a geographic distribution of the class. Beginning See Baltimore's message. Glurg smirnderf kronkalie donkalie with the state that has the largest represen- tation, they are: Maryland, New Jersey, Penn- '... "'. . ,,",", largest selection of sylvania, Delaware, New York, Connecticut, . .~ 'fine diamonds in all . ._ . cuts and shapes. THE GOLD BUG Virginia, D.C., North Carolina, Massachusetts, . West Virginia, South Carolina, Alabama, ~ 1\'lz Editor: donna herbst Associate: chris bothe News: Malaysia, Sweden, Burma, Kenya, Nigeria, and Loose Diamonds at Discount Prices! cathy nelson Business: belinda bonds Photography: Iran (Choose your . styles) dave korbonits bob sklar mark steele Art: jim sol- lers Circulation: cindy thayer Hard Work: nellie ar- rington steve haje francois deresse bob ramsdale tom treztse jeff bell connie erhardt special thanks to Miss Nancy Winkleman, PR Director, for press re- Pregnant? leases bob jacobs Special Offer Entered as second class material at the Westminster, Need Help? with the purchase of a 1h carat Maryland post office, 21157. Second class postage We .. ,lIlIelp any woman ,,,gl,dl,, .. paid at Westminster. Published by and for the stu-" ~:al~~~'" "/,,el i~~on~o~g~o~ ~I:~:a"~:: or larger diamond dents of Western Maryland College. The opinions in' me'ely help wome" obl.in qualoi,ed FREE DINNER and WINE lor TWO this paper do not necessarily reflect those of the Ad- Doclo,~ 10' abortion •. ,I lI\il II Plene de,"". at the CHESAPEAKE RESTAURANT ministration. whal Ihey an ea,'y IbO/lion i, do mo'e nol delly. You'll enjoy a complete dinner with wine and ••mple and on Ie •• co.lly. and can bH" be ~n oul pal,,,nl performed tip in-eluded at Baltimore's. finest restaurant," Address mail to: Box 394, Western Maryland College, Make your engagement a day to remember. Westminster, Maryland 21157. Take a full year to pay with Greenebaum's CHARGE PLAN, 215 878-5800 or use our lay-a-way plan, Of your own credit card. Wom"n. "ldIC,' AUI.lilnc. IMP~-t1; .. '~~ 8 AM-l0 PM-7 DAYS II NON·PIWFIT ORGANIZATION America's oldest importer by air. Established 1909 Downtown Near Hopkins Hospital· 104 N. Howard 51. 2200 E. Monument St. 727-4544 732-0523