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But I realize now that I don’t need it.
What I need is a peace of my mind.
And maybe my friends.
They’re the ones who stick by me. They’re the ones who—
even after long periods of no contact, will remember me
fondly and will resume our friendship as if time hasn’t passed
at all. Really, I don’t see how anyone can think of ending their
life, cry themselves to sleep and drown their miseries with
alcohol when they have friends like mine.
Whatever validation I sought out for, I’ve already gotten
just by them being with me. The idea that we need to be
desired in order to feel any sense of self-worth is just
downright silly to me now. I still want to be with someone in
the future, but there is a difference between wanting and
needing something.
I know that now.
I guess now that I’ve learned my lesson—or at least
understood why I ended up in that bus and that town, there’s
only one thing left for me to do.
And that is to get rid of my porn and erotica collection.

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