Page 19 - Contrast1990

Funny, the other day, 1 was wondering about those little things
that hang in the back of your throat. So 1 said to myself, Bob
(that's what 1 call myself-my real name is Frederick), 'Bob, just
what are you going to do with your life, going around not knowing
what good that thing in the back of your throat is?' So 1 decided
to go about finding what 1 was going to do with my life, and
hopefully discover what that thingy is, along with other highly
sought questions, such as the meaning of life, and is there really a
God, and will the Cubs ever win a world series, and who's the guy
that decided to put prizes in cereals, and if earth was a Boston
creme donut and God came along and took a bite out of it-well,
you get the idea. So, then 1 had another problem. 1had to figure
out how 1 was going to find out what all this stuff means, 1 mean,
like 1 can't just ask any ordinary guy about it. Like he's really
going to know, you know? So, 1 walked to the corner market, and
on the way there, a bird, well you know, he did it on my head. 1
got pretty upset at that, and 1 wiped it off with my hand, and
when 1 looked at my hand, there was writing on it instead of,
well, you know. So 1 was standing on this sidewalk, cars passing
by me at a steady forty-five, and I'm reading my hand. 1 must
have looked foolish, but 1 read it anyway. And on my hand was
the answer to all the questions 1 had been asking myself. Pretty
cool, huh? So, 1 ran home to write it all down, but when I got
there, the writing was gone. Suddenly, 1 started to forget what
the answers were, so 1 ran back outside looking for this bird that,
you know, on my head and I didn't know what it looked like, so
I'm checking the air for' birds and every time 1find one, 1 run
underneath it so it can, you know, on my head again. But I
couldn't find this bird, so I'm running around town, chasing birds,
and this cop stops me to ask me where I'm heading in such a
rush. So 1just tell him the truth, (I always tell the truth) and I
say I'm trying to find the bird that, you know, on my head. Now
this cop gets a weird look on his face, like he thinks I'm crazy, and
all of a sudden he wants to smell my face, see if 1 can recite the
alphabet (backwards no less-how many people db you know that
can do that?), and he wants me to walk a straight line. So I told
the cop that this was no time for getting intimate, because I
needed to get the right answers. I started to run off, but the cop
kept blocking my way, and all of the sudden, this bird comes
SWooping down and well, you know, on the cop's head. Now I'm
thinking, great! This kinky cop has all the answers to my ques-
tions. How am 1 gonna get him to give them to me when he
thinks I'm weird? So the cop starts to get a handkerchief out to
wipe the, you know, off, but 1 put my hand on his head and beat

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