Page 93 - ThePhoenix1983-84

National Enquirer-Page Grapple with this Econ thought You can run . Greg (Do you have a good That's right folks, on an~ tory for the noisy motorcycles but you can't hide sense of humor Dr. Law?) Saturday you can see Uncle that go past his home at all Bill llenn 'when they know that I don't Elba AI and the boys mix it up with hours. Said Dr. C, "Those I don't know if anyone has have it or don't know where it Recently. there have been the likes of SargentSlaughter, bikers like to open up right in noticed but the campus of is I will find myself unable to sev~ral illnesses in the Eco- Andre the Giant, and Hulk front of my house, but I'll fix WMC has become a danger· go to class, eat, get on nomos Department. It was re- Hogan (Hulk can be seen in their little red tricycles!" DUSplace to hang out. I'm not campus, get off campus, or ported that Or. Ethan Seidel Rocky III pounding the day- In an exclusive Phoenix in- addressing any kind of physi- simply survive: Denied the had damaged several ribs lights out of Stallone in a terview, Hulk Hogan gave the calor mental violence brought chance to take exams I win "playing basketball." Dr. John benefit match.) details on the WMC bruisers. on by heated tempers, what be thrown out of college, Olsh has uncharacteristically When confronted with this With code names like Crusher we are witnessing is the ruth- unable to get a job, an apart- cancelled classes. on several startling revelation,they shyly Claycombe, AwesomeJohnny ful ravagement of WMC by ment or a decent meal. Illness. And owned up to their weekend O. Slayer Seidel, those devil diseases. What's next? Crime, jail, "You can run but you can't AHHHI I can see the headline Dr. Law pounces on another victim hide" has become the infir- now, WMC freshmen commits mary slogan of the year. Not suicide after misplacing his a soul or a Single creature white card. can escape the nasty rash of After any situation like the rashes to choose from. The one that this campus has epidemic of epidemics is so been experiencing in the last intense that it has prompted few months, naturally the Dr. John to dub the second copy-cat epidemics follow. semester as the semester of Once the entire spectrum of the bacteria. childhood diseases has been First the flu came and complete then the pranksters claimed its victims, then it will get into the act. Monte- was the food poisoning rap- zuma's Revenge will become lng yet another segment of the order of the day and the WMC damned. In the behind that the Black Plague the big man himself, Dr. romps on the mat. When described bitter end as the last traces of and small pox will be the Alton Law suffered near carat- asked of the motivations be- the other pro food poisoning vanished, the rage. ysis of the vocal chords for hind it, it was not surprising wrestlers as "something be- health department discovered Our illustrious security will several weeks. that the reasons were eco- yond fear." "Those guys are measles, alias: Rubeola. At soon take to wearing protec- AU a coincidence? Sensing nomic. When asked why his killers! All I can say is after first it started innocently tive gowns and respirators to something rotten in Westmin- college salary was not suffi- seeing what those thugs can enough taking only those few guard against the terror. Stu- ster, a crack team of editors cient, Dr. Law was frank. "Are do I sure wouldn't want to be that it needed to survive. dents will be threatened with from The Phoenixwas assem- you kidding? The way my wife an Econ major on the Hili," Then,out of control, the horror bodily harm to inform on their bled to uncover The True likes to spend money!" Said continued Hogan. When spread to numbers in the friends who are suspected to Story of what was happening Dr. Olsh, "Have you checked asked for specifics, Hogan double digits. Where will the be harboring known bacteri- with the college's professors the price on Havana stogies described Dr. Law's infamous nastiness end? atogical elements. of "the dismal science." After lately? And my son Adam Sweezy move. In this tech- The epidemiccontrol has Don't let these perceptions weeks of investigation that always wants expensive toys nique that has landed more become such a problem that of the future discourage you, turned up nothing, the Editor like the G.!. Joe with the than one victim in an intensive everyone has been forced to but the next time someone himselfwas drowning his frus- Kung-Fu grip." Dr. Seidel care unit, The Godfather gets carry white shot records says to you, "Where do you noted that he had almost which prove that we have go to school?" Say to them ahold of his opponent and trations over the lack of l progress and fell asleep while saved enough moneyfrom his proceeds to bend him into the been inoculated against all of Western Maryland College, the latest body invaders.. My our song is, "Have you kids shape of a kinked demand bouts to get the plumbing watching a late night movie on channel 43 on a Friday fixed in his home on Pennsyl- curve. "It's not a pretty sight," greatest fear of these little had your shots today, can we night. He awoke Saturday vania Avenue. "Besides, Dr. said Hulk. white cards is what happens lsend you on your way with morning with the set still on, Dish, Claycombe and I can The Phoenix has also when you forget to bring it, or tracks, tracks, tracks. Do you and was astonished by what only play so much golf, and learnedthat being the innova- lose it. So far my card has not have your little white card, if he saw on the screen. The there's not a whole lot else to tlve entrepreneurs that they been checked by anyone. I not from glar your barred truth was out. do around here." are, the four are trying to start think that this is a plot. per-lforget those classes today: Those mild-mannered pede- Dr. Claycombe conceded a new pro wrestling league haps the card checkers are Come to college here, get the' gogues of elasticities, Edqe- that his extra income was for that includes male/femaletag- lulling me into a false sense Idisease of the year, its only' :~~o~: ~~~~~~m~f~n:v~~:- b~~~:~~1aP~~b~~~~·e::a~ ~~ ~~ae~p~~~t~e::~e~o~i~n;:\~ I.Of_SOC_U..".ty., .t.h...n•.•on....... d_a.Y..n.a.tu..ra.I."," • ~~~t~~~~~e~~~~g~r~~~~~ ~:~vya d~~ ~~~~:r~ ~:~~na~ the department. All the damage~~e~:~~~o~e~·C." Wrestlers!! Something tiny; cr.~') ~:.:::::=:::..--------..,...---:::'------------..., ...A virus, has finally won. :