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The Phoenix A tribute to Letters to the editor WMC seniors ERA - NOl 1, that "All legislative Powers herein lays bare the absurdities of them. I granted shall be vested in a Con- think that Chris also points out how l Mrs. Mitchell dipped her skillful fingers into the cup of navy blue dye and gress of the Un'terr.States." that the ERA ridiculous and foolish men act in their This obviously proves pursuit of the opposite sex. Keep up displayed to use the art 01 finger-painting. That year we were always too Dear Edilor: is pooriy drafted. I believe that the the good work Chrisl In response to Ann Kam's ·'ERA _ impaJient 10 await lunch and recess, so we would often sneak into the halls YES," I must say ERA, no! ERA as equal rights issue can be settled Name withheld by request with our best fnend and race to another classroom and back lor exercise. stated in the said article would aJter under the present Constitution, using Mrs. Mitchell frequently warned us against the dimgers of eating crayons, the power structure as set up by the statutory means as used in the Civil Rights Act but we would rarely take heed. Then that big yellow bus would carefully pull up Founding Fathers of this country Quotable to the school, and we could tell it was ours even before the number was visible The Equal Rights Amendment, that Robert Michlowitz because it was a little mote orange than the other buses. That was first grade, is under review, states that "Con- _ a year that was beautiful only in niIemory. Satire enjoyable gress shall have the power to en- By seventh grade, our carefree afternoons of class plays, spelling bees force" the amendment. This is clearly Quote and school trips were at an end. Now we were established scholars and our an infringment upon the executive Dear Editor: instructors treated us as such. For the next half decade we would be exposed branch, as an political science major column Chris to such hardships as suspensions, detentions, oral reports, term papers and will tell you. "The I truly Secret enjoyed in Picking Beyers' It was an "If you really know what things you Up." other deadly elements. The fastest kid in class began to get less attention and Article II, Section 3 of the United want out of life, it's amazing how the, best dresser began to get more. Words like "serendipity" more than States Constitution states of the Presi- outrageous and enjoyable satire. opportunities will came to enable you occasionally haunted us in our textbooks, but we didn't know what they meant dent "He shall take care that the Picking up totally lampoons the social to carry them out" because spelling tests had long since become extinct. That was junior high life 01 this campus. The story takes JOhn M. Goddard Laws be faJthfully executed." The some serious jabs at the cliche school, where the guys excelled in math and the girls were by far the superior Constitution states in Article I, Section foreign language students. approaches men use on women and High school came and went before we kn6'N it. Rnally, we would choose Pulling no punches our own courses instead of submitting ourselves to the academic guidance of a ridiculous school board. Naturally, drivers' education and gym were popular classes, but the college-bound types occupied themselves with the likes of Throw off the chains biology and advanced composition. We tried out for football, and cheerleading was the "in" thing for the women. Pot and sex were our greatest dangers (or pastimes), but we weren't afraid because we were leaming together. Chris Beyers beinQ mislead by a pubescent twit down into the royal coffers and do Graduation was both the happiest and the loneliest time of our lives as we simultaneously learned 10 love and to leave one another. Ellen Snyder was be Actually, deporting Brockie to Antarc- sOmething- useful for society, or per- Brooke Sh~ds should shot, tica after her conviction would be as elected "Most Ukely to Succeed" and Todd Marshall was our "Class Clown" Lady Diana should be jailed, and haps she'd just never show her face (what a jerk!). That was high school, where social "clicks" were a way of life. effective as terminating her alto- in public again. Either possibility is anyone wearing designer jeans gether, but somehow the image of okay Now we're Western Maryland College seniors and the WOf1d is no longer should be ashamed of themselves. Brooke lying in the gutter with six by me our playground. High School was a breeze, but these four years of easy livin' All three entities. are examples of rounds of hot lead in her is more Rnally, deSigner jeans. Blue jeans were Quicker still. Crayons are no longer a;oy to eat and "serendipity" has lost manipulations and materialism in satisfying. used to be the symbol of American its mystery. In fact, even the universe is somewhat less frighlening to us after American SOCiety, and should be Although the royal wedding is more equalitarianism. Tough, confortable, sixteen or so years of formal education. and before and cheap, they were the pants for - dealt with quickly firmly a British problem, it has repercusions Maturity happens slowly, but this college adventure that lured us away it's 100 late. in America. The wedding was not Big everybody, regardless of race, class, from Mom and Dad enhances the possibility that; at least, it will eventually Sixteen-year-old Brooke is the ob- News because Di and Chuck are or sex. They weren't stylish, they were happen. We're out of money, fatigued from academics, and proud to have vious example. Her PR men tell us people of exceptional integrity, but useful. Then Gloria Vanderbilt, and arrived at this summit of cumulative learning experience. Each member of our she is beautiful, but anyone 'Nho has rather because they are rich and her crowd, came along. They jumped senior class is related by little more than time. Many before us have travelled had a good look at her knows glamorous. The ridiculously extensive in, soto the pants two sizes too thin, the path we've travelled, and many will follow. But we did it together, and if we otherwise. Beauty, of course, is in the media coverage helped convey the sewed on a label, }a.cked tfle price have to do it all aver again, we probably would. Because, after all's said and eyes of tile beholder; you'd need tile up, and then put the hifalutin title of done, Mrs. Mitchell really wasn't thai pad. message that such things ate impor- "designer jeans" on the denim eyes of Ray Charles 10 think Shields 'on' In one swoop, these pigs made is any Venus. Editor's Note: Special thanks to NeiSen Thacker for this week's editorial. The irony of the 'Nhole situation blue jeans that were uncomfortable But Brooke is more than just an- oveflNheims. In a time of riots and to upper affordable other ugly face. Her message to social unrest in England, Lady Di was and only wonderful equality and classes. The utility America is empty. Uke any woman marrying a Prince. If as much money 'Nho permits her body to be held up and manpower were put toward find- were sold for fashion and money for public inspection, Brooltie has the ing people pbs as was used to marry People wearing such pants should values of a prostitute and the Intellig- to SOCietal parasites, there would be feel the shame of it all, and know that ence of a professional wrestler. She less cause to riot. This point was they are laking part in the destruction sells such essential products as cos- apparently lost on the American of an American ideal we metics and designer jeans; she, rep- media; "maybe this is what England The whole point is that are resents glamour. "Spend money," needs," they bleated, "to bring its being told to value meaningless she pants, "and you too can be as people together." things. Advertising and the media alluring as me." In short, she tells us thrives on lies and empty promises. A long term ja{ sentence in a Let's ignore their tripe and go back to thai money and the illusion of glam- maximum security prison might show pulling our beliefs in important our are the important things Miss-wholesome-and-pure that life is things~love and peace and equality Arresting, Brookie for crimes not all tea and crumpets, that there and all that. So, throw off the chains against America just might wake be are forces out there that must of money and glamour! Let's be real people up to the fact that they are reckoned with Maybe she'd reach The Phoenix Editor ... . Robert Holt Managing Editor Les Martin News Editor Greg Elba Sports Editor Rob McQuay Photo EditOf:".... . Andy Ch?Jlg Paste-up ... ...................... JeffFrazer Judy Mitnick· Proofreading.. . Chris Sato, Melanie Clippinger, Deb Ratzburg Business Manager. . Jonathan Dickey Ad Manager. Jeannine Railey ~!~~Sl...\.... :.::..::.::..::..:..:::::::::::::::::.::Aii~~i~~:~~ Michele Everett Published by and for the students of Westem Maryland College. The opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the staff or administration. We welcome comments and/or suggestions. Please address all mail to The Phoenix, Box 1, Westem Maryland College, Westminster, Md. 21157.