Page 8 - Scrimshaw1977-78

Page 4 Friday. September 23. 1977 He Ornry _ The Complete Collection "As a reporter for a small un- size and shape (as it appeared in derground, local, bi-monthly the Sugar Loaf Tattler), to fill the newsletter. 1 am fortunate enough remaining vacancy. Upon to ... '. receiving word of this great honor, Throughout the past several I decided to dtsconunue.jhe old years, this heading has become a heading, making it possible for symbol of responsible reporting Miss Deggledip to own a complete and good, heads-up journalism to set. right there in her bedroom. the people of this great nation of - . ours. However, dear and devoted. And I would like to extend my read~rs, t~ay is the last time ~his personal thanks and love to this heading will appear in print. most remarkable woman. I've sent Hence forward from this date! I her a telegram and a dozen long- shall drop my traditional heading stemmed roses, but somehow, that in honor of that sweet little (fifty- doesn't seem to be enough. Miss \ two yea.r old) woman, Beatrice Deggledip, ljhank you. It's people Deggledip. like you who make our society ¥_iss Deggledip hails from Sugar what it is today. I understand that Loaf, Arkansas (pop. 49). and has you plan to decorate your guest saved every article I've ever with my artiIes over the nex ffew written to date, and pasted. them, years. Once again, I am greatly f in order, over every square Inch of flattered; you are a very her bedroom walls and ceiling. I remarkable woman, and should be was pleased to hear that my last an example to all American article, which was about Jimmy Citizens. Thank you Carter's dental floss collection Sincerely, (Sept. 9, 1977) was exactly the right He Ornry How's That Again? If You Like Ice Creom- -Don't Visit Lexington, KY. -Members of the MD Army National Grand Parachute Team Oave Zinck "The Minutemen" will perform during half time at the football ......:.....On~eaga.in,Scrimshaw comes to coffee after 6 in the evening. game this Saturday. Be there! :;v~;~~~~~a~foan~~~~i~~O~!~~~~ ag~in~~ ::ehir:~ ~~b~::lka~r i~~~ New s Flush: World.itt Retrospect w~at~ver, you could end up with a doughnut holes. . criminal reco~d! Since that would 7) In Green, New York, you Phil La!ladula Western Maryland College, Sept. goal is to create 2 well rounded, greatly tarnish the image of cannot eat peanuts and walk back. Baltimore, September 23, 1984- 23, 1977- unemployed person", stated Dr. _, ~~tern Maryland College, I am wards on the 'sidewalks while a We are still awaiting a verdict in A new major has currently been John. A thirty hour major in P.U. hst.mg below some of the activities concert is in progress. the political corruption trial of added to the WMC curriculum. The requires six hours of basket which you should avoid in certain 8} In Lexington, Kentucky, there For~er Maryland Governor new course of study is entitled weaving, three hours of advanced par~ of the country. Watch out! is an ordinance forbidding anyone ~arvm Mand~l. Thus far, three "Pre-Unemployment", and is croquet, three hours of Outer Did you know that: to carry an tee-creamconein his or Jurors have died, two have been intended to better prepare a Mongolian History since 1790, 1) In Massachusetts it is illegal her pocket. poisoned, and one has gone insane. student for the technical and in- Psychology 106, and fifteen hours to use tomatoes in clam chowder or Special thanks goes to the ~ew details were available on the trinsic skills needed in the exciting of doing nothing. Students may to eat P:Ela?uts in church. Greyhound Food Management for luro~ admitted to .the state mental world of the unemployed. "Our sign up in the register's office. 2) It IS Illegal to carry a lunch supplying the above list. hospital, but an Informed source box. on .the streets of Riverside, Finally, the Editor-in-Chief of was quoted as saying that "the A Public Service of this ,.. Cahforma. this newspaper suggested an ad- man went beser k during a .3) Restaurant owners in Bir- dition to the no no's listed above; monopoly game and threw the newspaper &The Advertlsinq Council ~ mmgham, A!abama, are forbidden 9) In Westminster Maryland it board up in the air when the jury to-use a broom to-clean their floors. is illegal not to read 'Scrimsha~ in foreman offered another juror We're 4} I~ Connecticut it is il!egal ~o its entirety every F'ridav. It is also Boardwalk in exchange for a guilty sell pickles that collapse I.n their a crime to make defamatory vote". own JUIce when dropped 12 Inches; comments about the handsome, Western and bounce. they must stay.whole Oregon, young distinguished, and most honorable 23,1977- Maryland College, Sept counting laNe~s'iiitlilNoies puzzled by the increasing remains Editor-in-Chief. 5! In Corvallis, The college community number of flies students, in especially pestering the cafeteria 'onyou. A grand jury in Starr County, there is just as much obscene Students have theorized that one of Texas, known for its extreme graffiti in women's restrooms as in two things is responsible for the poverty, is alleging that one out of men's. The survey also found little current fly invasion. Either this every ten residents of the rural difference between the content of year's Freshmen never take county is involved in a the scribblings on the walls in showers, or the cafeteria food has sophisticated multimillion dollar service stations and those found in improved to the-point that flies now pot-smuggling ring that moves churches. find it tolerable. tons of Mexican dope into the U.S each week. According to the grand The U.S. Treasury Dept. reports Kampala, Uganda- jury, an estimated 2,000 persons that the third largest item in the According to reliable sources, Idi are engaged in everything from 1976 federal budget was the in- Amin has eloped with Flo Ken- smuggling grass, to acting as terest on the national debt: a nedy. Immediate details are not lookouts, to building elaborate staggering $39.6 billion, lO per cent available because the sources who vehicles with false compartments. of the entire budget. This was more leaked the story this morning were So many Starr residents are in- than the government spent of found floating down the Nile this VOlved that the local sheriff's education, health, foreign aid, afternoon -- apparently dead. Amin Red Cross. department is completely helpless commerce and transportation would only comment that "I really to take action. combined. The Treasury Dept. _ dig her boots". It is believed that says it will cost $114 million this the two are planning a honeymoon The Good Neighbor. A British gentleman who died year iust to k_:ep track of the debt. in New York. last year has bequeathed $44,000 to Jesus Christ if He returns within the next 80 years. The Son of God collects only if he announces that he has indeed returned "to reign on earth" and if He proves his identity to the British government. The terms of the bill were disclosed last month in probate proceedings on the estate of Ernest Digweek, a retired teacher who stipulated that if anyone falsely claimed to be Christ, or if Christ failed to sbow, then the money would go to the British crown. A study by 120 Minnesota college students has found that