Page 38 - TheGoldBug1973-74

Page 2 The Gold Bug December 11. 1973 Reflections Three years teaches you a lot on different types of campus' literature and in- , Recently Nellie started filling spaces with cartoons, The next time J read a Gold Bug it'll be as an terview Jggie among others?" almost impartial observer. That's hard to grasp "Wow," breathes the would-be Hefner. "That's 1which increased my desire for more copy. after three years. . even better." This, of course, happens with a fresh- 3. How to be a benevolent dictator. I'm thinking of But this job has taught me plenty. man. By the time your staff member is a writing a book on this in case that executive 1. How to bully people into thinking something Is sophomore, you have to resort to flat lies, like "we position in D.C. becomes vacant and Gerald doesn't their idea. did an issue on Iggie two years ago." That dude'll want it. You must have a sense of humor. "Look," an aspiring reporter would begin, "let's never check the back issues. At first I took the whole thing seriously. "You do an article on Iggie Schlumphert. He's a swell 2. What to do with a huge space the night before dude and he's just put out this great porno book." you print. don't want to cut all your classes to write stories?" That's a sticky situation. With a half dozen people If you're lucky enough to have a Jim Sollers or a I'd bellow. "Shame." 1 hid behind a facade of on the staff you have to humor the brave souls Suzi Paglee with you at the time, you're fine. But if seriousness, never cracking a smile. But of course, last April you all found me out. 1 who're willing to do what you tell them. And if it's it's just you and that white space, you can go decided it was time to stop being a closet comic and the Iggie Schlumpherts of the world they wanL.- bananas. 1 remember in the old days with Hiro and talk about how 1 really felt. That's when we came well. On the other hand, you can't offend the Board Dona - we'd use the GOLD BUG stamp all over. of Trustees et. al with a cheerful little earful about Later 1 found a Woodsy Owl ad and a Tri-Beta out with Commentary, and other irreverencies, the porno princes. photo. We sliced them up four different ways and culmination of which is this issue. It'll be fun to be a private citizen again instead of "Tell you what," I'd say, "how about an article ran them five straight weeks. If John Reynolds was an institution. Thank you all for your help: 1 hope- smart, he'd have started asking for royalties. you pass it on to Cindy. ® ~ Commentary Finding Out Who's Naughty and Nice Last week, I took a walk back campus to Har- "Bringing Up Children." The Registrar's office were the fraternities and sororities. I felt that they veystone, sort of to get away from the papers and gets three rings, a dancing bear, and a clownsuit for should get self-help books and records, mostly. The readings I hadn't finished (or started). Well, 1 was their next arena registration. And for Colonel Betes will be unwrapping a book about how to sitting there, when what to my wandering eyes Willis, I'm packing assigned parking spaces. impress ladies with good manners. 1 can count the should appear, but this fat dude in red flannel un- "Then I looked at the classes around here. To the polite ones on a reindeer's hoof. The Bachelors get derwear. freshmen, they're a pretty good group, I'm giving a their own social calendar so they won't have to Now, I was a little frightened. After all, all the medal for overcoming traditions and becoming an share one with the rest of the campus, and a book, girls have heard of the back-campus sex maniac. active and concerned entity. The sophomores get a. 'How to Achieve Friendly Relationships Between But it was Tuesday night, and all of them were in free lecture series on 'How-to Organize for Action.' Brothers and Sistersf The Preachers will have a their fraternity meetings, so I decided it was safe to I had a lot of trouble thinking of something for the plaque nominating them as the most prejudged talk to this guy. juniors, but I finally decided to get them all buttons group on campus. And the Phi Delts get a cooking saying 'Overcome Apathy' for the ninety percent of lesson from Julia Child, entitled 'How to Keep Subs l'~eScaan~aegfa~s~~e~~:nd ~~tr:~tu~e~ir:~s~~~;;~~: the class that never does anything. For the seniors, From Tasting Like Upholstered Bread.' The Phi "Hey, you won't tell anyone I'm out here?" I'm getting Burpee to dedicate their book, 'Flower Alphs get a lot of bull for their purple cow. I've "No," I promised, "but why are you out here?" Gardening for the Masses,' to them. decided the Delts should get that all-time hit single, "Well, I've been checking out the landing pattern "For some of the student groups and services, the 'These Boots Are Made For Kicking.' And last, but at Westminster Airport. I'm also trying to figure decisions were pretty difficult. CSC gets a guide to not least, the Sigmas, each and everyone of them, out what to give some of the people on campus this editorial writing. The College Republicans get the will get a membership in the Baskin-Robbins Birth- year. So I've just been hiding around the dorms up book on'Leaders for the Leaderless. The football day Club." there, listening to people. I've got some pretty good team gets new jerseys in reward for a winning "Whew, is that everything?" I asked. I couldn't ideas." season ... " believe how much he has heard from the un- "You wouldn't want to tell me any, would you?" I broke in, "I never would have thought of that." dercurrents on campus. He must have been around "Well, you wouldn't disclose this? After all, this is He went on as if he hadn't heard me. "The all semester. confidential information." cafeteria gets two books.tDefense Against Cuban ::~~r ~~~~ditli~.s~~Y:'I go to Washing~on." "Never," I promised, hoping my fingers wouldn't Artillery' and 'Taking Sugar Away From Babies' get cramped if they were crossed too much longer. They were easy. "I'll'only tell you ~ne. I'm giving Tricky Dicky a "I started in Elderdice this year. From what I "The last and most difficult tape recorder that ru~:,"~~~ot air." hear, I think I'll give Dr. John a membership in the ACLU. And after I got blinded by the brilliance in This February for the first time in three and a Dean McCormick's office. I decided to get him an half years, 1will be able to pull my Gold Bug out of interior decorator. I think Dean Mowbray definitely my mailbox and read it like 95% of the students needs that book by the well-known expert, called here do-with a certain detachment. It will seem very strange not to be involved, at least at first. It will also be something of a relief not ~¢"ftr~k/ to have a Wednesday night deadline, a Friday night paste-up session, and a Monday night session called 'How-do-we-fill-the+white-space-left-when-'"@#%) !-didn't-turn-in-the-artic1e?' *m~ ~11e Iw;o;'/ J (&¢ The above will be the last Commentary column. Of all the assignments I have had for the Gold Bug, this has been the most enjoyable. I've appreciated your feedback, both good and bad, because either way it proves you're reading them. A writer can the Bold Bug ~ have no higher compliment. stifled, The columns began from a previously -@ egotistical wish to write some such commentary. And then there was this space on the sports page-- any particular group, they were meant as a caution Editor·in·Chief Cathy Nelson .. and the rest is history. If they have been stinging at more than an insult. Their main purpose was to Associate Editor Nellie Arrington Ii give the campus a chance to laugh at its Managing Editor Cindy O'Neal ., aberrations, its foibles. Laughter softens the hard Photography Editor Gene Funk I: edges of reality even as it brings them to the sur- Advertising Manaaer Steve Boyd face. I It's been nice... ~ Staff: Mike Andrei, Gerry Philips, Baron Tayler " Leigh Rogoff, Jim Massey, Dave Marple, Chip Rouse, Judy Gardner, Lori Grimes, Sue Cocking, Clayton McCarl, Jack Tracey, Suzi Paglee, Adele Moorman. Chip Wright, Julie Mullen Published by and for the students of Western Maryland College. The opinions expressed in this publication do not neccessarily reflect those of the administration. We welcome your comments and/or suggestions. Please address all mail to: Box 3A, Western Maryland College, Westminster, Maryland 21157. A clear case of sabotage if I ever saw one!