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referring to my (still-virgin) member. Inaccurate, but probably at least
somewhat prophetic.

"Hey, maybe Fat Mary could use him. Seems like she's not
getting any either;' said Darren Strong, the gravel-voiced, effeminate
jock who, confusingly enough, was never seen without some hot girl or
another. At this point he was going around with some bitchy-looking
sophomore girl-Kate, I think it was, or Karen-who had no redeem-
ing qualities save for an unreasonably tight ass. (It was such a really, very
tight ass. But I digress.)

"Nah, Fat Mary's dating Seamus, remember?" asked another
voice.

"Who the fuck? You mean black Seamus?" asked Darren.
"Yeah, black Seamus. Number 29 in basketball."

"Oh, yeah. Fat Mary is dating black Seamus. Tough luck,
Baby-Dick."

"Man, how does a black kid get a name like Seamus anyway?"
"He's half black. His mom's Irish."
"His mom's hot."

"I've never seen his mom."
"She has huge tits."

"Nah dude, you're thinking of black Dwight's mom."
"Oh, yeah. Right. He's half-black too. Except I think his
mom's Italian."

"Dwight's not an Italian name, though."

"The Italians integrated better than the Irish. She must have
found out about non-Italian names at some point. Maybe he's named
after Eisenhower."

"Who the fuck is Eisenhower? Is he on the football team?"
"President Eisenhower, Bobby, you fucking dumb shit."
"Sorry, I always fell asleep in history."

"At least know some of the presidents, dude."
"I know some of the presidents."

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