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sexily, and naturally our conversation turned to this topic.

"Man;' said Dumbshit. "Liz looks so hot today."

"Liz is too bony for me, man;' said Black Seamus. "You can
have her."

"Man Seamus, what's with you and fat chicks?" asked J-Greel.

"I like fat bitches, dude! Come on."

I couldn't stop staring at Liz.

"What do you think, Baby-Dick?" asked Black Dwight.

"I've gotta fuck Liz, Dwight;' I answered. "I've gotta fuck Liz
right now."

A few of the guys burst out into laughter. Neckbeard and
Cockthurston nodded in agreement. T-Dave looked at me with an
expression of earnest empathy, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Dude;' said T-Dave. "You wanna fuck her? Go for it."

"Nah," I started in. "I don't know what I'd say.'Oh hi Liz, I
was just in the neighborhood and got an uncontrollable urge to bone
you'?"

"That would work;' interjected Dumbshit, giggling and still
wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Shut the fuck up Durnbshir," answered T-Dave. Getting seri-
ous again, he looked in my eyes. "Listen dude-I know it's not easy to
talk to girls. I've been there and I've gotten rejected a million times. I'm
still getting rejected, and I've gotten laid more times than Seamus and
Dwight combined."

Seamus and Dwight looked at each other, said nothing. T-
Dave got up, picked up his tray, and grabbed me by the shoulder. He
began to walk in the direction of the girls, and in his forceful grip I had
no hope ofleaving the path he had chosen for me. He was planning
something.

"Seriously though-if you want a girl to know you're inter-
ested, you have to say something to her. You might get rejected-you
might get laughed at, even. But you'll never know unless you try. If you
try one hundred times and get ninety-nine rejections, that's still one
successful attempt-and it would never have happened without those

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