Page 18 - Contrast2008
P. 18
I simultaneously know everything and noth- c ••• then they need kids to keep the wife
ing about. Strangely enough, my gut doesn't
believe the arguments coming from my brain. happy.' d
My gut thinks that every single bad thing that
could happen will happen if I smile back. My ' ...but they've got to get rid of t~e og
gut is shutting me down. I'm not even sure I'm
still breathing. In one minute, she'll stand up, when they get kids in case it bites them.
casually make her way to the door and leave
and I won't have done a damned thing to make They're laughing at this. I don't g~t the
her remember me. The train vibrates gently and joke at all, but it's worth the mystificatlon .to
the brakes squeak as it slows. My heart picks up
the pace and my stomach starts to churn. Say see her smile. I don't think I've seen her smll~
anything at all. Just talk! I find, to my disbelief, properly before. I mean, she smiles whe.n
that my mouth is opening as she stands. I'm
going to say 'good-bye'. I can do it. I can do it. open the door for her but it's a contrived thlll~
I can do it!
It's not like she's genuinely enjoying hersel.
She walks past and my lips move, but she
doesn't respond because no words come out. They're still laughing when her friend gets to
My throat is so dry from nerves that I can't get
my voice to work. In the end, all she can hear the punch line.
is a slight, but very high-pitched squeak and a c ••• and then the wife has to clean the hou~e
cough to disguise it. Needless to say, she keeps
walking past, goes straight out the door, and I and look after the kids and work and once t e
feel like a fucking idiot.
kids are at the most difficult age, they hav~ t~
The next train to depart from Platform One
will be the Jour-thirty-two, Flinders Street, dump her and the kids and the house and n
stopping all stations to Flinders Street except East themselves a younger woman so they can re-
Richmond. claim the youth that they missed.' Id
She's wearing a loud green top and dark They're laughing so hard that she's doub e
brown P~nts. The top is disgustingly bright and over and holding her stomach. I can,t help but
really qUlte ugly. Perhaps it's a credit to her that
I still find her beautiful in such awful clothes crack a smile, even if! don't get it. Her laughter
More impo.rtant than the clothes she's wearing:
she has a fnend with her. I turn down my iPod, is infectious. Then the friend says someth~ng
~,ut leave the ear-pieces in so it doesn't look like
I've been waiting for without actually realiZIng
: eavesdropping. Whatever they're talking
a ou~, they're finding it hilarious. that I was. I' e
h'ouse....and then th ey need a wiur:e to get a
'It's so good to see you again, Joy. v
pany.''...and they need a dog to keep you com-
missed you.' 0
Her name is Joy! I couldn't have eve
made up a better name than that. Joy sayssowI'em-
thing back, but I'm not listening anymo~e. y
r rn rn
sounding out the name over an d ove all else
head. Joy. Joy could make me happy. If
fails, I'll still believe in Joy.
The next train to depart from P.latfiarm One
will be the Jour-thirty-two, Flinders Stree~ast
stopping all stations to Flinders Street except
Richmond.
door for
The train arrives and I open the thiS
both of t~:m. I .don't eve~ get a ~lan;eY're
week, but It s forgivable. She s occupIed. last
giving each other updates on life since they it'S
saw one another. I don't know how long
