Page 26 - Contrast1971Fall

OH FOR YOU

Monday what a gray day, there?
gray sky, gray people,
graying me inside my faded clothes.
Was the weekend worth it,
was the time spent nowhere worth the emptiness
Was the escape worth the darkness?
I used to like being my own best friend;
now I know me too well.
Oh for you
to be here to get helplessly lost in, with,
oh for you ...

Walking around the house ...
hours on end alone Saturday night,
drinking and sinking into places where it hurts.
Seeing you in your house watching late movies then snow,
wanting me like I want you.
Seeing a yellowing map of Eastern United States
with ten inches between your x and mine.
Seeing the calendar

wondering how to fill the endless blocks of 9,10,11,12,13
with only ink and tears.
Finally seeing nothing
but a grey ceiling
in a cold room.

Getting up, getting on long johns and wool shirts,
fixing cracked windows,
buying food to last a long time,
twenty or thirty days instead of six;
getting ready for winter.
Leaves are discoloring, dying,
falling.
Throuch my window I silently ask them not to;
they touch the ground,
the wind sweeps them away.