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14 THE M'DANIEL fREE PRESS NOVEMBER 1 2007 Commentary Kidney stones make reporter 'ticking time bomb' I was a ticking time bomb. Some- you to call her every 12 hours. But small brown stone about 4mm. I'm one called Jack Bauer. Maybe it was karma. I guess'rhar's what moms are for. a mommy! These explosives were three So f went to the urologist, After the excruciating pain kidney stones [hat called my body My mother always who told me I might have already I went through initially, as the home for more than rwo weeks. told me I was difficult passed the smaller ones without bloody thing made its way from Doctors mid me that J could do birth, that I just didn't knowing. I was a little sad at that my kidney to my bladder, this is little more than wait - wait for idea; I wanted to keep them. But how it ends. A little anti-climactic fierce pain. The waiting game filled" want to come out. I according ro him, there are [faces Iwould say. But [lOW J have some- my Fall Break. , popped ibuprofen kept aski ng myself, of blood in my urine, which means thing ro show my friends! [shall or oxycodone at every glimmer of mere was one still there, prob- call him Doyle. As in Doyle's Law: pain and drank what felt like 200 why won't these ably the bigger one. [ could pass it anything that can go wrong will go hordes of water (don't worry, I stones come out? I'd anytime, he tells me, as well as the wrong. Wait, that's Murphy's Law. recycled since I do care about the other ones if 1haven'r already. Oh well, I like Doyle better. environmenrs, unlike a particular be a good mother to It seemed like I was still going It's really JUSt a relief to be dining hall that will go unnamed). them. to be a parem. done with this whole episode. It During break I was also going to Iwish Icould have kept one of fclt good to purge my body of all the bathroom on average every 15 my cr scans, so Icould tell people that negative energy. Also, I have minutes, so all-in-all, r was a little and it doesn't let up for an hour it was my ultrasound. Instead he some bragging righrs. I could be cranky. and a half. The only relief is when gave me a prescription for Flomax sitting with a couple of charac- Is this how pregnanr women you're dry he;lYing because of how in hopes of speeding the process ters like Quint or Hooper from feel? nauseous the pain is making you. along. As if I wasn't peeing enough ~jaws, exchanging scars. Blrrcn by OK, so I won't go as far to Bottom line: I wouldn't wish that anyway. a Great White~ Please. I passed a compare this to being in labor. Bur pain on anybody. So I decided to brace myself kidney stone. I'd then listen ro the everyone tells me how this is (he Maybe it was karma. My for the long haul. This thing might collective gasps around the room, closest a man will ever geL And if mother always mid me I was diffi- be inside me for quite a while, so I then Strut off confidently while having a baby feels anything like cult at birch, that Ijust didn't want should just go about my business. they all murmured, "Now that guy what I went through on chat fate- ro come out. I kept asking myself, I was in the sauna {excuse me, is rough." ful Wednesday morning, well then why won't these stones come our? writing center} when I felr nature OK, so maybe nor. Bur that's Ihave [0 give you ladies props. You I'd be a good mother to them. calling for the 4,321 time since I my Story and I'm sticking to it, are the superior sex. Speaking of moms, if any of was diagnosed, so I made my way along with my pregnancy meta- Passing that first stone was you ever get kidney stones, wait to the men's urinal. phors. If you can't have a sense of crouble with a capital croub. until you've passed them before you Wait a minute, that felt funny humor about [his sort of thing, I'm talking a mini-lawnmow- tell your mother. If she's anything for a second. you're JUSt left feeling sorry for er moving at a constant speed like mine, she'll react like you've Ilook down, and sure enough, yourself. And frankly, that's just through your stomach: it's sharp, told her you have cancer, and ask stuck to [he wall of the urinal, a not my sryle. .:- b ' 1.;" • J Soapwoesfor nails and skin By Michelle Menner problems. The trouble all started in me bath- From the bathrooms of By KR[S~ fRfE F'UESS nRE PRESS fREE PR[SS fREf IJRf.SS FRH. PRESS fREE PRESS fRf:f: PI~ESS.nUT. PRfSS fREf i1flt:SS nUT PRESS "REf pruss fREE PRr:SS fREE PRESS fRH PRESS FREE PRI~SSFREl PRESS FREEPRESS FREE PRESS fREE PRfSS fREE PRESS FREE PRESS FREE PRESS FREE PRESS FREE PRESS fREE PRESS FREE PRESS fREE PRE:S~ GOT NEWS? fREE PRESS. FREE f'RES" mEt PRbS FREE PRESS FREE PRESS FREE PRESS fREE PRESS fREE llRESS fREE PRf~S FRfF PRESS FREE PRESS r:RE£ PR~S~ FRrE PRESS fR[~ PRESS fRr~ PRESS fll(.E PRESS ideas.mcdanielfreepress.com FREE I'KESS FRET PRESS fRH PRESS FRH PRf.,S~ fRE£ IlRESS FRf.E "RESS j·Rf:[ 1'1165 FREE PRESS