Page 79 - ThePhoenix1991-92

April I, 1992 Westminster Post-Secondary School Page 3 Graduation Obituaries Jerry Dolton others were injured by the Cuminski is currently being 60 Seconds Found in Field laundry's fall-out held in Campus Control's maxi- Police suspect that an English Graduate student Joslyn Mar- mum security detention facility on Campus professor from Westminster tini died Saturday when graduat- underneath Water-Loo-Us Hall of Science. Campus Control di- Post-Secondary School was the ing student Francis Cummski rector Michelle Webster said she heaved the deadly bag of dirty victim of a rituaJ execution in was hopeful about bringing By Captain Bob T. Kirk Taneytown. clothes out of the living room Cuminski under control for his What happened to the Sig Ep window of his apartment According to the Maryland Seven graduating students. State Police, Jerry Dolton, of Sil- whose names were withheld by upcoming hearing. phallic snow sculpture? "He's doing quite well," said ver RunOn-at-Lhe-Mouth, was the college, were treated for toxic Webster, "and he's even struck found bound in a cornfield on fwne inhalation and radiation Friday May 22 pin-cushioned bums at Carroll County General up a game of strip poker with our prisoner in the next cell. And with red pens. Over 100 pens Hospital and released. God knows that Fungus needed were removed from Dolton's Cuminski was taken into cus- the company." The Doctor mouth alone, according to au- tody by the Department of Cam- (Webster was referring to Quality Wine Tasting topsy records. pus Control following a fierce graduating senior Stanely Fun- Lt. Larry Leezur, spokesman scuffle to pin him down. Five gus, who was incarcerated last "It dropped its load all for the Carroll County Police fall formaking false faculty iden- over their pledges." security officers were needed to Department said that there are no bring Cuminski under control. suspects currently. Cuminslci said that he did not tifications. Students used them to gain illegal access to Memory Dolton, who was 47, will be buried on Monday following a feel bound by the college's pro- Hall's faculty lounge, which is the only place on campus where brief service. He is survived by hibition against throwing objects smoking is currently allowed.) his much (much!) better half and out windows. "I've got my di- ploma," said the Communication two sons. The offending laundry bag and Theatre Arts major. "Tbey was moved roan atomic research Joslyn Martini can't do anything to me now." facility in Frederick. Physicists Minnie Mouse College psychologist Suzanne Becomes Bore hypothesized that Cuminski there estimated that the under- wear has a half-life of 25,000 Street Tortilla had a nervous breakdown upon years and have consulted NASA lilt came." A residence assistant at realizing that one of his majors about having the bag shot into Ihe Westminster Post-Secondary has a 95% unemployment rate sun. School was the victim of a freak and the other has no applied use. As for Martini, services will accidentongraduationdaywhen Rich Dillpickle, Cuminski's be held on Tuesday. The view- a four ton laundry bagJell_and _P.Qliq advisor for the Honor and ing will be open casket and at- crushed her to death in front of Conduct Tribunal hearing, is ex- tendees are asked not to cal be- thcOrchard Apartments. Severa] peeled to use an insanity defense. fore attending. A! rr=================~ Sit-Down Rape Myth #34 Donald Duck From Page I the price increase was cut. Myth: Ifshewastoo drunk or too high In resist, then it's notrape. "We made a mistake, the FACT. An inabilityto resistor todemonstrate lack ofcensent, tines "The Phi Alphs figures just didn't add up right not give permission to anyone for set". Under Mary/and lonely." initially," said Halls. law, forcing set"ual intercourse on someone unable to consent is a 2nd degree rape and felony. However some of the stu- dents believe that the adminis- For help or more information, contact the Rape Crisis lnterven- tration pressured Halls to cut tion Service for free assistance. All inquiries are confidential. back on some of his expenses. Hotline: 857-7322 Office: 857-0900 "I don't see his Roils Royce in his driveway anymore, kind of makes you wonder doesn't it?" LARS HVIDING, JR. (301) 526·5447 Daisy Duck said junior political science major John Doe. eu_ PrIIIIrHI Spo__ , Senior Tom Quik said the "A group of about 10 promise to low prices is bogus. "I staunch feminists thought Halls sold out the school [iI;"$NW@W!J to the Canadians. He can make marched with a large any promises he wants." Printed Apparel, Athletic Uniforms, Jackets, etc. knife and castrated it." Confronted with Ihese facts, Halls said, "Well, it's the thought 2920 DE DE RD.• RNKSBURG. MD 21048 that counts, doesn't it?" l! Sebastian "Size doesn't matter you can't keep it